Here's a quick history lesson on Chuck Norris.
Unbeknownst to many people, there is a deity greater than God. This
deity, in fact, created God. That is to say, he created ALL of the
Gods. These Gods were created to do the greater deity's bidding,
for the greater deity felt no compulsion to do little things
himself.
That deity is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is time and and space.
Chuck Norris is the universe. Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris
taketh away. This is the history of the eternal Chuck Norris.
In the beginning, there was Chuck, and only Chuck. From nothing,
Chuck brought forth God to handle his light work. Then, God created
the universe, and within the universe, Earth, all in seven days.
Chuck then spake unto God, "Seven days and all you have to show for
it is one measly universe and a semi-sentient race? FOOL!" and
smote thusly the unworthy God.
Chuck then created a new God. Throughout history, humans never once
noticed that Chuck destroyed and created new Gods quite frequently.
In any case, they were pleased when this God gave them a a giant
garden all for them. Also, this God created several more universes,
a multiverse, and an omniverse, though no one is exactly sure what
the multiverse and omniverse are like. Sadly, these universes
didn't get along very well, and started to war immediately. The
inter-universe war lasted for many millions of years, and God could
do nothing to rectify his mistake. Chuck, while fully capable of
ending the war, decided to sit idely by and watch, because it was
funny.
Anyway, after an incident with a talking snake and an apple tree,
the humans were banished from their garden. God had wanted to give
them another chance, but Chuck said, "If you don't punish them,
they'll never learn." Then, Chuck smote God for second-guessing
him. Chuck then created another new God, though this one seemed
rather more competent than his predecessors.
Pleased, Chuck then allowed history to unravel as it would, all
under the watchful eye of his Gods. Chuck would only interfere when
one of his Gods screwed up badly. The following is a history of the
divine actions of His Holiness, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's trademark is the Roundhouse Kick or RHK in
short.
