At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I
knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly
give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to
Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my
heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become
a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had
said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of
divorce
which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and
clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw
her
writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up,
I
found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep
again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything
from me,
but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and
in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her
reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and
she
didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, Do you
still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding
day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to
me. I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms ,
she
continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in
your
arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month,
you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every
morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and
wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly
and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to
face
the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less
made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So
when i
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our
son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room,
then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She
closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t
tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down
outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn' t looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more.
There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is
being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my
arms. The
visualization of Dew became more vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such
as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking,
etc. I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout
made me
stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you
now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She
tried
quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All
my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that
it was
because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not
because I
was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her
heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand
to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He
said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an
essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would
change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking
from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body
tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much
lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold
me in
your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our
life
was lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was
afraid any
delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew
opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm
serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got
no
fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said,
I
can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was
boring
probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not
because
we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I
carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am
supposed to hold her
until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and
drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for
my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write
the greeting
words on the card.
I smiled and wrote, I 'll carry you out every morning until we are
old.
