Reading some of the stories here, i am reminded of a local one
that touched me very much so.
Not sure if it has been posted before, but here goes.(A bit long
though).
_____________________________________________________________
DOLCE VITA (French) --- SWEET TIMES
I met her on the net, how?
I can't remember, but it seems to me that it is this 'little
theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her
attention.
"If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. Do I have a
million?"
"No. That's why I don't have a house."
"If I have wings, I can fly. Do I have wings?"
"No. So I can never fly."
"If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still
can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of
Pacific Ocean be drawn off?"
"No. Thats why I don't love you."
That's me, a typical science student. First, you come up with an
assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.
If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is
just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.
But she is an exception. She actually mailed me and said that I am
an 'interesting' person.
'Interesting? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful'
on Mr. Clinton. I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or
suffering from serious brain damage.
Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad
-FLYNDANCE -
Thats quite a unique one.
But I was warning myself: Hello, this is the virtual world of
Internet. Who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful
nick.
Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur'
in disguise, the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore
or a herbivore. But, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur',
she is special.
So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.
Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was
always wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just
not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I
will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just
to show that she is far-sighted.
She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again
replied my reply to her reply.....blah blah.....blah....
Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction!
Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in
one of the mails....
'I dance slightly, amidst the crowd.
Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, It ain't gonna
stop my rhythm.
'Cos it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of
youth.'
I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'.
But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her
fill.
Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with
FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this....
"HELLO!!! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the
risk? Maybe 'she' is a guy!! Haha!!"
I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by
Sally in Sec 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.
As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".
In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of
skinning snakes alive, and make into soup. But he got all the
factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old
version of Brad Pitt.
Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every
women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many
girlfriends he had .
I went online that night, log onto #ajcrr and..... Yesh!! She is
there!!
Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a
message.....
"hey slorr...so late liao haven't slept ahh??"
Now what? Now what??!! Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed
hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.
Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial
moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her.
How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has
gone stale.
"slorr... me in a foul mood today...can't sleep.. u leh??"
MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what slorr slorr...
now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted
in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows? It might
attract some innocent gals into talking to you.... Haha...."
"I am not feeling very good too.... so let's sad together."
Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of
sweat forming on my forehead.
Actually I m not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic
that's all.
And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:
"since u r feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"
I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL
TO ALL COURTSHIP."
And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more
than their eyes.
So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a
sentence to move her.
"ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."
DAMNIT! How can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call
me 'MR COURTEOUS' in school.
If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my female
fans.
"nice to meet u...miss long-hair..."
I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.
Tye said that:
"FlyNDance...hmm...she would either be long-haired or a desperado,
because when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and
skirt.
So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt flies when
she dances, AH-HA!! This has a certain sexual hint in it...
haha.."
"heh? how u know I got long hair?"
BINGO!! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she
is not a DESPERADO. Yesh!!
"not only that....I also know u seldom wear skirt...."
I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth
forever.
"err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?"
HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh...
"just guess..."
"ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... u
coming online tomorrow morning??"
"ya... y??.."
Please...please...please say the u coming too, if not I m going to
kill myself for letting u go tonight.
"Ill see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good night..."
"er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too"
I just blurted out a last sentence....
Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just
now.
But is the season of spring really arriving for me? I
wish....
"slorr... what a coincidence ahh..."
"yeh... I m not late."
"ya lor... so qiao.."
Gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I
have to pretend that its not.
They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys
they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can
happen to their love life.
"slorr.... u talking nonsense lah..."
"NONSENSE??? ok, let me tell u what nonsense... Summer's beach, the
guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion
with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.
Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards
her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."
"slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??"
"I siao? Ok...let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains,
the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist,
carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see
birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a
gal whose the model....most probably naked."
"slorr.. but these all very romantic mah..."
"ROMANTIC?? hello miss... romance only survive in novels and
movies.
In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or
the gal may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.
Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the
mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he
comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."
"slorr... u hate romance??.."
"I hate romance? nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to
get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not
HANDSOME!!! some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal
looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I
object....because I m not tall."
"slorr.... objection overruled..."
I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about
these until noon.
"slorr... are u hungry?..."
"ya... u leh??...."
"yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.."
"then do u think we should....??"
"slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with
u..."
"ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u."
I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance
this morning.
"You moron...told her you are not romantic...you siao ah?....you
have disgrace we man... how can you make such a big
mistake?....I...I..."
Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the
trembling of the hand and the wing.
"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...don't forget to be
romantic... two...don't be too honest... 3...don't be too stingy on
the sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, you stupid??
"What rubbish is that? In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren
bu ai', you should know this..."
"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries.
Women aren't really that...cheap... so why would they only falls
for 'bad guys' like me??"
"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... Those 'nice
guys' are usually...dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic
'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums... in Maths we call this
2C1...understand? Dumdum.."
Oh, Tye is talking about Maths!! Now I understand. No wonder I have
always been left on the shelf.
"In another words... gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall...if
you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate
acts...can forget your stupidity...but they can never forgive if
you are not romantic..."
"Come on, this is so exaggerating."
"Hey...most women have a 'knot' for romance...just like most men
have a 'knot' for virginity...to women they just can't understand
how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men
can't imagine how important women treats romance."
"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."
"The key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many
had actually succeeded in that... practically none..."
"Ok, fine. now I've done it... so what should I do to remedy the
situation?"
"Face it...you are hopeless already... I promise you I'll have a
drink with you when you and her are over..."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH."
Mid-night. I am trying to concentrate on my Physics notes....
F = ma, v = u + at....
it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few
formulas and equations, and this we call science.
then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as
superstitious?
Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't
be explained by Science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its
unreal....
Close to 1am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try
my luck on net then, maybe she is there...
"slorr...u here"
"finally... good night to u...
.."
'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at
this hour? Must be feeling down again.
"yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..."
I am trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit
romantic.
"slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour
liaoz..."
"sure or not?.. for wat?.."
"talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep..."
"u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah..."
"slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of
relationships began from internet?..."
Oh my god... how should I answer her now?
"it's.. it's very... romantic..."
Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.
"slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..."
GAME OVER!! I m finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.
"slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?..."
"no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?.."
"nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..."
Sigh...I give up...I asked for it myself.
"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is
considered as ROMANTIC, 'coz romance gives pple an impression of
unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."
"slorr....that's interesting.."
"surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types
of pple are produced in this way...
The 1st type.... The 1st type being those who present themselves on
net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of us consists
of multiple personalities, and in everyday life, what we present to
the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one
being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait
of us deep inside. So internet is the place where this side of us
is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious
knowledge."
"izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?"
"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind
of man/woman he/she would want to be. there's bound to be 1 or 2
characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes
these characteristics are just couldnt be found in u. cyberspace
is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."
"slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?"
"I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type
3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are
impossible for them to become in real life. for example, if u r a
gal, you may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or
SUPERMAN if u want."
"hmm.. thats pretty amazing..."
"the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality
that is being presented on net.
the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to
admire others, always forgets his own strong pts.
the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some
impossible."
"slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?.."
"I dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos I m not. I crossed the
possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think u r
special. being able to attract u, I think I m at least a bit
special. So we belong to type 2."
"type2.... den who u wish to become?.. slorr.."
I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous,
romantic and eloquent, because these are wat I am lacking of.
"slorr.... wat about me?.."
"U?.. I dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE, problemably that means u
wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. but if this is something
u wish yet u can't achieve, den there's 2 possibilities: 1, u r
aging, 2, u r leaving the world."
I think I said something wrong, because she didn't sent me anymore
msg after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why
talk about these things?
I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be
the queen of Caldecott Hill. damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind.
Maybe she's lagging. so I waited... and waited. Although it's just
a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize,
but do not know how to start until she sent me this msg:
"slorr... lets meet..."
Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18
years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.
I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight, 8pm, at the entrance of
Macdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to
meet a gal you have never met before, according to Tye, because
they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can
simply go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke.
She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will
be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.
She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said
never mind, I am not Brad-Pitt either. then she told me she has
long ago given up on this hope already.
"slorr... u r early..."
While I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back.
Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's gonna
appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood
in front of me now.
if not for the coffee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is
only asking for directions because she is one of those chio buz
that can only be found on Orchard Road, usually while I am crossing
the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the
heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm.
"Had your dinner right?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc
1st..."
"You are pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money
indeed..."
AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent
smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and
even ordered TWO packets of fries.
"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat..."
I m not falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next
time'.
"slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.."
DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?..
"why do you think I will be disappointed then?.."
"Because I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite
disappointed when you saw me.."
She is making 0 sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that
she's actually cute.
"Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?"
"Slorr...I said I am not cute...I didn't say I am not
pretty.."
#$%$##%^*&%[email protected]!!!
"But you are also quite....decent looking what.. its not like what
you described to me too.."
'DECENT'? a very vague word. to many gals, decent = boring.
one good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she
is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds
me of HL milk I take almost everyday.
It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her
1st 3 mths in AJ.
sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. from her
obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies in. Btw, she
had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she
is brainless'.
she appears to be an attractive gal, both physically and character
wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic
and nasty.its like a dream.
We left the Mc at around 10 pm. since its still early, I decided to
send her home and fortunately, its just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops
from mine. I would have a second thought if she's staying at Pasir
Ris.
"slorr... congratulations.... u r officially permitted to date me
from now on..."
She said this b4 the lift door closed. Back at home, I realized
that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of
that stoopid Tye.
Tye told me :
"never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her, 'cos
there are oredi too many wolves out there dying to know, so she
will be more interested in you if u act bochap..."
Then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me there's a female
version of Tye telling her not to?
it's again 1am. time to meet her in ajcrr.
"hi!... slorr.. u tired?..."
Of 'cos I m tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would
go straight for my bed if not for her. but y is she here
also?...isn't she tired too?..
"long time no see.. how r u?.."
"slorr u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh.. miss me?..."
"A)yes.. B)of 'cos.. C)abuden...D)dying to see u...E)all of
above.... answer is E...
"";..."
Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning
to me rite now.
"u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.."
Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that
she will blur-blurly click 'OK'.
"should be no problem... what show?..."
HOOOOORAY!!... I m cheering for her fatigue.
"we decide what show tomorrow... anyway whats important is watch
with who... not the show.."
Tye's fav line, I m just borrowing it.
";..."
"u should go sleep now lah..."
"wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or
not?.."
"ok lah... a bit.... u leh?.."
"I m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st...slorr.. if
not I can't sleep.."
"me too...."
I can't believe I m doing this SILLY business rite now....
"ok I tell u what.... I count 1,2,3... then we log off
together..."
"ok.... good night slorr..."
"same to u.."
"1...."
"2..."
"3.."
I never talk whenever I m inside a cinema, and now is the best time
for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire
this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic.
I m not a romantic person, so its perfectly understandable if I
can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for those
stunning special effects. But something stroke me when Jack said to
Rose before he sank into the deep.....
"Rose, listen to me... listen....winning that ticket was the best
thing that had happened to me...it brought me to u....and I m
thankful, Rose....I m thankful...."
Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk
my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC
every night.
But he's one lucky guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just
look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself
for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasnt just
about drawings or special effects.
I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand.
and just when Rose said:" I promise... I will never let go, Jack...
Ill never let go.."
She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve
handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing
that "MY HEART WILL GO ON" at the end of the show, for all the
female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO
ON"
"Ok... movie ended... lets go...."
I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I
breath out might just crush Onto her, and kill her. she continued
to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that
just came back from a swim. after a while, she said...
"slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes on.. m I rite?..."
I nodded my head... but I just wished somebody might give me some
clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard
Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the
street.
along the way, she seems unusually quiet. so I guess Tye was rite
about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally
distressed after watching this show, and it is the best time to
launch an emotional attack on her, thats y Tye had watch Titanic
for over 5 times roughly. her eyes were focussed on the path or the
crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with
her, waiting for somebody to pull her up.
I just kept my mouth shut 'cos I know I m not a good swimmer. we
walked to Plaza Singapura. suddenly she stopped in front of a
Christian Dior counter.
"slorr.. have u read a novel called 'fragrance'?..."
"err.. nope.... y do u ask?..."
"look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior... its what the guy
bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday....and he
told her 'DOLCE VITA' is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..."
She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more
interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle.
"oh... izzit?..."
"slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?"
"at first I do... but some pts are deducted since u started
crying..."
"that means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, Ill buy
the small bottle then..."
I insisted to pay for the perfume as her b-dae present from me
since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot
of trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume,
I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives
her girlfriend diamond or gold bar."
"r u hungry?.... wanna sit down and have something?..."
"I dun have appetite... what about u?.."
"you eat, I eat...."
Her eyes are red again...... I m such a fool. finally got away from
the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets
of AMK Ave 6. contrastingly, its so quiet now that I even can hear
the rhythm of her heartbeat.
