sorry to all, im not very profound in my english..
have been to this forum a few days already..
seems to have alot of sad memories pouring over me whenever i read
about others' stories and point of views..
Wish to share my part..( might be quite long and detailed as i hope
after all these i will "delete" myself out of our story"
It was never a puppy love, she was the one i wanted to marry during
this 6 years....
She, i name her as "Yan", this is how i affectionately called her
when we were still together.
We got to know in a part-time job in a cinema theatre in 1997 till
then i was a 1st yr poly student.
I was just out of love that year, 1st love just broke up wif me...
thus i saw shadows of my 1st gf in Yan...
Yes, to be exact, yan was just a replacement of my 1st gf...
they are of many similarity. Soon, i started to pursue Yan with all
my bests.
And when the day to confess how i wanted her to be mine, she didnt
accept me straightaway... scared that things might not turn out in
the way it should be. I wanted her to consider in 3 days' time to
accept me
God, still remember when she said in the phone, if she was to miss
me as her bf, she would feel it a loss.
How should i describe her. Yan is a very talented ger, can
illustrate drawings very well. She used to interpret all her
happiness and sadness in her drawing...
of cos, she entered a renowned art campus in sg after her 'O's,
this is what im proud of her, i always think that its a bless to
pursue own interests in studies in SG.. since in SG its has to be
practically to study and a degree on hand would be best and most of
us studied for the sake of study.
6 mths from the day we knew, i was with her. I told her that i
would take care of her and shower her with all my love, not to let
others hurt her... claimed myself as a very lucky guy, Yan was such
a ger that most guys would yearn for..
her gentle, her talents, her devotion yes.. of cos her guai guai nu
looks. Its my fortune, I was her 1st BF.
Even though i din really love her that time, i told myself i would
nurture my love with her and to let this relationship ongoing if
within my reach.
I was seeking similarity of my 1st gf from yan, of cos she wasnt
aware of all these though she knew i had a heartbreaking
relationship before. Not too long after a month, she began to hint
she wanted a ring. Yes, i bought it not too long when we became bf
gf.
I was a poor student then, in my pocket only $10. I used it to buy
2 silver rings from Montips at tamp mall.
I waited downstair her block, looking at her lift indicator that
the lift was coming down from her level, i put the ringbox on the
stair in front of the lift(when the liftdoor opened, one could see
it)
I hid myself behind a pillar-wall.
She was so thrill on seeing the ring... when i wore it thru her
finger, her laughter... i wont forget it to the end of my
life..
There were pretty lots of events and things filled up in this
relationships.. of cos ups and downs...
Still remember, in whateva things she had wanted and i used to buy
it for her if i could afford to do so would always ended up we
bought the last piece..
Hahaha.
She used to stand by her bed room window to see me walk off till i
wasnt within her sight, (we lived 2 blocks away) that kind of
closeness and her gentleness in my hand i wished to hold on till my
last breath.
She used to say she had dreamt of me before she knew me. I always
thought we can last it somehow.
Every movies we watched, she would always collected those ticket
stubs and put in a box. Told me that in future when we getting
older, those stubs can be pasted on a board and frame it up for our
views.
It was quite smooth sailing for our relationship during 1st half
year till my 1st gf called me up again. No one understand my
feelings that time, already had a gf, restart a new life with a new
ger but the past came haunting back.
But i didnt go back to my 1st gf, i have to be responsible to yan.
A ger who is so much in loved with you and is willing to give up
whatever just to be with you, u wont be able to break her heart.
Not to the extend as i begun to fall in love with this ger, my gf
too.
Im not a good guy, always vent anger on her if things werent
getting well. This eventually lead to our separations now. Will
write down in details too in further story.
She came from a broken family with two elder sisters. Her parents
are divorced, mother remarried to another man. For many years she
lived with her grandmother, someone who she is closest to above me.
Till her grandmum's nearing days, she told me that she had wanted
to concentrate on taking care of her grandmum, asked for a break
up. Of cos i agreed. Not too long, her beloved grandmum passed away
and before that day we had had a very heated arguement. I was very
guilt-stricken then, no one could understand her pain more than i
do and to think that i gave her more pains adding in only quarrels
and quarrels. Many times i had wanted to cut off this relationship.
if we are really meant for each other, why do we always quarrel?
Why do we cant be like before when we just started out?
Not too long after her grandmum died, her stepfather moved in, this
man she only address him as uncle behind his back. Her grandmum
never approved her mum's marriage to this man.
I had wanted to study in australia after my poly. She cried
helplessly, cause that time beside her grandmum who had passed
away, i was the only kin she was to have. Rely on me fully in our
relationship. Though i was the one always started out the fire, i
was able to melt her heart easily everytime. Can say that i took
her for granted.
I didnt go australia after i finished my poly. She never know that
she is actually the main reason for me to stay behind. Of cos, as i
said that she is a ger many guys would yearn for. I always get
jealous over another guy/guys.. quarrel things like i mistrusted
her suspected she did something let me down behind my back. She
would always flared up all her thorns and yell:" DO you think im
the type of ger whoever guy i will also accept? Im not a %^@*! as
you think i am!!!" And thereafter many similar events i would
quietly apologised.
During our 5 yrs and 3mths , we never really did take photos except
neoprints together. She told me photos are meant for memoir and we
dun need that since we will grow old together and have 20 30 40 yrs
together. I was totally mersed by the way she engaged our future.
The way she interpreted our future i never think that we will go
our separate ways one day.
I dun want to elaborate but yes, we did things that any normal
couple out there would do.
Once i told her, life would be incompleted without her. And after
many things we went thru, i asked her y she chosed to be with me,
she would always answer me that her life would oso be incompleted
without me too. She always said we both have same thinkings same
feelings, talked alike.
After finished her diploma, she stepped into society... this was
the time things begun to change...
i closed my eyes, can still hear the loud thmp of heartbreaking
sound. i cant accept she has left me. to be
continued...
