But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm.
That person was my boyfriend!
"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and
continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from
the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell
him that I was crazy.
I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my
lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never
showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a
card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press
on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would
revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts".
He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his
silence.
Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see
clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could
come out of my mouth.
"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian
patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together
once. I introduced them.
"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to
run to him.
"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand
what you're going through, but you're a doctor."
Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian
understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's
become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he
still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I
ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his
body.
"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my
professionalism.
And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.
Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that
day.
They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me
several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the
hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.
When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of
an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be
childish.
Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his
death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot
or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me
anymore.
Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer.
Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know
no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will
remember me on this day.
Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished
her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came
back to look at the computer screen.
I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100
junk mail?
I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail,
and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send
these until today.
We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.
I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's
Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent
these?
With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that
popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a
beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe
it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost
thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words
underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful
poem.
"Hwei."
That's my name.
"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today
I send you a rose."
I received it and it's so beautiful.
"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our
hearts and tell each other how we feel."
Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.
"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."
Good that you're admitting it.
"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."
I waited so many years for those words.
"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough
money."
You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?
"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you,
because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you
deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait
anymore."
Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.
"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei?
Will you?"
That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading
his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and
see him again.
As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.
The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking
voice.
Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs
unsung.
and I remember you then when love was all,
all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."
The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was
alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something
different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is
only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.
"Will you marry me?"
When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the
keyboard.
Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call
him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until
today.
So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response
that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."
I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight
with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response
I got was the repeating song "Only Love."
Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled
rose, and typed the same response: "I will."
I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold
Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally
got reconnected.
I answered you. What about you?
