Stumbling out of the smoke are the young men of death metal crew
Cannabis Corpse. Promoting their new album "The Weeding," the band
hit the road with Ramming Speed to preach the word of Bud and metal
to the masses. Cannabis Corpse descended on New Orleans the same
day that the President did and discussed with me very important
issues. The interview was cut short by an altercation that spilled
into the street from the bar. A transcribed version follows.
Buick Mckane: Welcome to New Orleans. How’s the tour been going
so far? Landphil: Good as shit.
Nickropolis: Awesome.
Buick: That’s awesome. Your third album “The Weeding” just came
out this month. So how’s it going? How’s it selling?
Landphil: Well, we’ve been on tour for about two weeks now and
all the shows have been great. There hasn’t been any shitty shows,
so…
Hallhammer: Atlanta was a rager! Gainesville was a rager!
Weedgrinder: We had a lot of cool warehouse shows. “The Weeding”
EPs been well received.
Buick: That’s great. I usually ask that question, but nobody
wants to answer it.
Hallhammer: Out on Tank Crimes Records for the low price of
$4.20.
Buick: Tell me more about the album. What is it about?
Weedy: Well, it’s not a full album. It’s a teaser to the one
that’s coming out next. And it’s got two songs that are about how
the buds are eventually coming here to rape the Earth and turn it
into a big, demonic pot party.
Landphil: By demonic pot party he means funky pot party.
Weedy: Yeah, funky pot party. And just two songs about,
anecdotes about people getting fucked up when they smoke weed. Evil
shit like that.
Buick: Have yall had any weird stories about when you’re smoking
pot and something happens?
Hallhammer: One time this guy brought me this weed, and then I
smoked it and he said,” That ain’t weed. That’s crystal meth,
homes!” And then I woke up in Deebo’s chicken coop.
Buick: Pigeon coop.
Landphil: Pigeon coop. Get it right, dude.
Buick: That’s cause yall smoke too much pot, you can’t
remember.
Weedy: We got good weed stories, but we don’t remember.
Buick: The album costs, in the CD form, $4.20, right? Is that
any significant number for any reason?
Weedy: Highway 420 is the first time we ever smoked weed. We
were on that highway.
Landphil: I smoked weed for the first time on this tour. It’s
weird.
Nickropolis: I’ve actually never smoked weed before.
Landphil: I was just kiddin’ about that.
Hallhammer: If it comes to the end of the night and we have a
long drive the next day, we have to have the marijuana. So, a
message to everyone that comes to the shows, we need that
thing.
Landphil: We need it. We need it.
Weedy: We used to be a straight-edge crew, but our parents hated
it. So we decided to smoke weed so that they would accept us
more.
Buick: Oh, okay. My mom told me to smoke weed instead of
drink.
Landphil: Your mom is kinda…I want to meet that mom.
Buick: You do. She’s apparently really hot.
Landphil: Oh, you got a hot mom that smokes weed.
Buick: That’s what they say.
Landphil: Tell her to come to the show. We got a couple single
guys in this band.
Buick: How many are single? Raise your hands.
Landphil: Well, we can’t give exact numbers right now.
Weedy: How ‘bout I do this instead of raise my hand
[gestures]?
Landphil: Zoom into this guy! I guess he’s the singlest.
Weedy: Well, I wasn’t expecting company.
Landphil: [Hallhammer] is the second most singlest.
Hallhammer: No, I got…[looks to the side].
Buick: He keeps looking that way, but there ain’t nobody
there.
Hallhammer: Oh, that’s where my pretend hoes are.
Buick: Alright, I really like the tour poster with Beavis and
Butthead zombies in a post-apocalyptic world. Who came up with
that?
Landphil: Weedgrinder came up with the concept.
Weedy: Me and Ramming Speed, we just kind of came up with
it.
Nickropolis: Somebody said,” Let’s just have them be
undead.”
Weedy: We were chillen’, we were smoking a big [joint] with Mike
Judge, and he’s like,” Hey, man, you guys should use Beavis and
Butthead, dude.”
Landphil: No, he doesn’t know Mike Judge.
Weedy: Yeah, I’m just kidding. Don’t tell Mike Judge I said
that.
Landphil: You wanna get sued?
Weedy: Cease and desist, please.
Buick: What do you think Mike Judge will do now that King of the
Hill’s been cancelled?
Landphil: I didn’t know it’s been cancelled.
Buick: It’s cancelled. It’s over.
Weedy: We’d better cancel the show.
Landphil: Yeah, we’re cancelling the show.
Buick: But he needs to make something else that’s fun. Some of
yall are in other bands. How do you find time to make music and
tour with this band?
Nickropolis: Whenever we can. [Landphil] is pretty busy.
Landphil: I’ve been doing a lot of shit.
Nickropolis: I’ve been pretty busy.
Landphil: Nick been doing a lot of shit, Andy been doing a lot
of shit. But we love Cannabis Corpse, so we play whenever we can
find time, which is every now and then.
Buick: This Spring, you did a cameo in a movie. In the Loop. How
fun was that?
Nickropolis: It was a pretty sweet gig.
Hallhammer: I had severe food poisoning the whole fucking day,
and we show up and they have this bling catering and the it’s that
girl from My Girl sitting there eating. I was like,” I really want
some of this,” but I was literally green.
Weedy: Hallhammer had that shit where Subway and all those
restaurants recalled tomatoes because of the salmonella.
Hallhammer: Yeah, the tomato shit.
Weedy: You ate a sub at Subway like two days before with
tomatoes on it. Got sick as shit. Salmonella. Still played. Still
played in the movie. Played the song like 20 times for a bunch
of…they had actors there that were _, so they were like real
posers.
Buick: Because of all your commitments to other places, what is
the future of this band?
Landphil: I want to be as prolific as any band. I want to get 15
albums out before I croak.
Weedy: EVERY BUD MUST BE SMOKEN! Yes, we did.
Nickropolis: Yes, we can.
Weedy: Yes, weed can.
Landphil: We’re just going to keep crankin’ out death metal
until it fucking catches on.
Buick: President Obama was here today.
Nickropolis: In New Orleans?
Buick: At my school, at UNO about 10 miles that way.
Landphil: Damn. Does he smoke bud?
Buick: I don’t think so. He outlawed flavored cigarettes.
Hallhammer: He smokes cigarettes, dude.
Landphil: If he smokes, he pokes.
Buick: Well, what would you say to him other than that if you
got to meet him?
Hallhammer: I would ask him if he was an alien. That’d be the
first thing I’d ask him.
Weedy: If you’re the president, you’d better not be an
alien.
[Fight breaks.]
Nickropolis: It’s always crazy in NOLA.
Hallhammer: This is the coolest interview ever.
