Dear Diary
Can't sleep. Tired, but sleep won't claim me.
I've got all these ideas and thoughts just churning around in my
head. Thoughts about nothing in particular. Random ideas, jumping
here and there, like a ping-pong match inside my mind. I'll think
of a question, answer it, then argue against myself. No, I'm not
insane. Just trying to sort out the thoughts in my head.
But when separate ideas suddenly click, it's like getting hit by
lightning. Like a jolt; a sudden burst of inspiration. And then I
just have to go with it. Once in a while, the inspiration will
result in a short story or an intriguing poem. In some cases, even
a conversation.
Maybe if I stop thinking, I'll finally get some sleep. But I can't.
I'm always thinking. Most of the time, I can even control my
dreams. They say you can't really do that because it's all your
subconscious. But I can control what happens in my dreams. Like
they're just more of my stories, I can create the plot. (sounds
crazy)
Workz starts soon. Very soon. Less than a few days. Then there'll
be less time for thinking -- free thinking, anyway. More methodical
thinking. I'm good at that too; I can be extremely logical when I
put my mind to it. But I like being creative more. Letting one
thought lead to another, and finally making sense of something
because I lead myself to a different perspective.
That's probably why I love get myself busy. Because workz force me
to think less.Then again too much workz physically and abstractly
will stress and exhaust oneself, and that's probably why I hate it
to. Sometimes it's forces you to stay inside the box, and it won't
let you think your own ideas. At least not without having
evidentiary support behind your idea.
And because of all this, not too many people get me. I think it's
because I scare them. I mean, if I was one of them, I'd probably be
scared by me, too. Someone thinks she understands what's going on
inside of me. She seems to think it's just the whole career turmoil
thing that she went through. But let's be honest, I'm not exactly a
typical guy. I mean, sure, I do have some of the career turmoil
happening, but that's just a small part of it.
That's not to say I'm unique, or an anomaly. No, I'm sure there are
plenty of other guys out there going through what I am. It's just
that I feel like everyone around me sees me as someone else. That's
all. But not in the typical way, either. It's in a much bigger
picture that I feel like I'm just not understood. I think a lot
differently that most people. It's just really difficult to
explain.
Maybe I can get some sleep now, but I doubt it........
wilI
