Dear diary,
I miss you, have not talked to you for awhile. I've been trying to
move forward in my life as I promised, life is not exceptionally
good or anything, but it seems more normal recently. I saw a bird
lying in the drain underneath my block this morning. It was still
struggling to be alive when I found it. I picked it up and held it
in my arms and rushed to see a vet in hope of saving it. But on the
way there, it did not make it. It made a last attempt to breathe
and flap it's wings, and then just stopped. There it died in my
arms, on the way to the vet in the cab that I was in. My heart
sunk, and I somehow felt useless that I could not help it. All I
could do, is to ask the taxi driver to stop and let me alight. I
carried the bird to an open space at West coast park. There I dug a
shallow grave for it and buried it there. While I was digging, a
lot of thoughts ran through my mind. Was the bird suppose to die
anyway? Was me finding it there suppose to be fated? And the best I
can do for it is to give it a proper burial not save it? I wonder
if fate play such games all the time. Destiny is never a fair game
I guess, my life is full of such events. Always hopeful but leaving
me high and dry in the end. I always see light at the end of the
tunnel, but never get to reach it. Just like the bird which I tried
to save. Maybe it felt a sense of relieve when it saw me and I
tried my best to make it comfortable, but just when there is some
hope for it to fly free in the sky again, it just have to give in
to destiny, and die without ever fulfilling that dream of flying
high again.
Nonetheless, I still did my best to give it a comfortable place to
have it's eternal rest in. That I think is the best I can do to
fight my little revolution against destiny.
