Dear diary,
Well, did not get drunk last night at illusion. Fulfilled my
promise to my friend. Has been wasting alcohol for the past month,
and I drink like a cow(at least to myself I do). Thus it makes me
wonder if I really am drunk when I'm drunk or do I just want to be
drunk myself. The months have not been good, but I'm slowly
gathering strenght to move on. At least I dare say I tried to enjoy
myself last night. It is quite a herculean task really, looking at
the amount of problems at the back of my mind. I only reached home
at 5:00a.m. Not that I stayed at illusion that late but because I
have to make sure everyone in my cab gets home safely after supper.
Was very tired after that. I met a old friend last night at
illusion after not seeing him for like a year. He has changed quite
a bit. When he used to be the nicest guy around(not that he is not
now), at that time, all the girls will be around him and he is
every gals dream best guy friend. Now he has kinda change to have
given up hope on nice guys winning in life. When I told him about
the recent happenings in my life, he said he saw his shadow in me.
And that the root to all my problems is basically being too nice,
and having too much morals. I was quite astounded by what he said.
He even told me that he came to realise that a gal's best guy
friend is actually just like a boyfriend to her minus the sex. He
shared that he used to spent time, money, effort and everything on
these gals, but because he was nice, he got nothing in return, and
would normally be cast aside when a boyfriend comes into the
picture. He dun deny that he did like some of these gals that he
was nice to, but the problem here is that since he is so nice, they
dun even feel the need to recipocrate anything. Thinking about what
he said, I do realise that my situation is very like what his was,
but the big question hanging on my head is if I would soon give up
like he did and be as disappointed with the woman around me like he
is now or I will just continue to be what I am now for the rest of
my life. I seriously do wonder on this point.
