Star, Malaysia
February 13, 2005
Insight Down South By Seah Chiang Nee
EDUCATED
and financially independent, the new Singaporean woman is running
into a wall of male traditions that is leaving some holes in their
relationship, including marriage.
The trend had been building up over a couple of decades. In few
other countries have women made larger strides in education and
careers than in Singapore.
During the past few decades they have caught up with, and even
overtaken, men in fields they had once dominated.
In university, women still outnumber men 55-45 with many moving
strongly into subjects like media, mathematics, law and
engineering, among others.
Recently girls won seven of the top 11 awards for A-level
Physics, which had long been a boys’ domain.
Island-wide, women have moved into the highest ranks of the
corporate world and commanded artillery units or police divisions,
as well as trained jetfighter pilots. Ten women, aged 20-40, are
planning to climb Mount Everest.
In short, the new female is able, confident and more than
holding up half the heavens, but not getting equal success in their
relationship with men.
This is running smack into a traditional male value of wanting
to be seen wearing the pants, causing a growing
“incompatibility”.
Better education has also led to the woman being perceived as
too ambitious, self-centred and materialistic, not qualities that
promote romance.
As a consequence, more men are choosing their brides from
abroad, especially from China, Vietnam and most of all Malaysia,
where historical links remain strong.
I attended five weddings in the last eight months that reflected
the trend.
Four of the brides were from Malaysia and China and only one was
local. I was told this was becoming a trend that government
matchmakers have failed to correct.
One groom with a Johor bride said he had found Singaporean girls
too materialistic and demanding. “One specifically set a condition:
no living with my parents. She wasn’t happy dating on public
buses.”
The women’s relentless pursuit of a career had come at the
expense of learning to do simple household chores like cooking,
ironing or looking after babies.
“If you want to marry a Singapore girl you must be prepared to
eat at hawker centres for life,” one male cynic said.
A marriage agency owner told a radio interviewer how some of the
girls had, on the first date, plied the men with questions like:
What is your degree and earnings? Do you own a condo? “And they’re
surprised when they didn’t get a second date,” she said.
Others find them picky, untrusting and calculative towards love
and marriage.
Results of recently released research have found that one in
five Singaporean wives is hiding her assets from her husband for
fear that he will squander them or in case the marriage fails.
This 20% here compares with France (7.2%), USA (7.6%), Brazil
(9%), Romania (12%) and Britain (16.8%).
But there are more hoarders in Japan (38%), Saudi Arabia (32%)
and China (21%).
It doesn’t inspire trust. Another sign is the increasing number
of cases when a private detective is hired to check on the
spouse.
Pre-marital contracts are also becoming more common among people
who want to keep their assets out of their spouse’s reach in any
divorce. Almost six out of 10 women say in a survey that they are
not submissive, while two-thirds believe they could live without
men.
The changing female attitude is, of course, only half the
cause.
The other is the man sticking to a traditional view that it is
his right as head to leave the babies and household work to his
working wife. One in two women here have a job.
The social impact is a growing number of single women,
especially university graduates.
A growing minority is marrying Westerners.
This has prompted a newspaper reader to urge her well-educated
peers to revisit some the traditional feminine traits.
Her letter followed reports that more Singaporeans, including
young professional males, were turning abroad for brides.
She said she had worked in Vietnam and found the girls there
feminine, their speech melodious.
“They work hard without complaining, carrying loads of cloth and
vegetables in the market stalls and food places. Simple, gentle and
hardworking, it's hard not to fall in love with them,” she
added.
As for the Malaysian ladies, she finds them “neither loud nor
argumentative, (but) pander to the boys' needs. Not as doormats,
but as cheerful assistants, who see it as their obligation to help
their men without expecting anything in return.
“Not that they are stupid - oh, no, the Malaysian girls I know
are smart and hardworking, with careers of their own.
“But when it comes to matters of the heart, they play the
docile, giggly girlfriend with as much aplomb as their Vietnamese
counterparts. Again, it's easy to see where their attraction
lies.”
In contrast, the Singapore girl is twice as likely as her
Malaysian or Vietnamese counterpart to stride away in a huff or
throw water in the male's face or hold a public screaming or crying
fit.
“The Singapore girl debates and argues impassionedly. She wants
to win at all costs and treats her love conquests like those fought
in the office arena. She may be pretty, yes, smart, yes, but, oh,
so demanding.”
The Singapore girl, in short, is a challenge to love, she
added.
Although she may, at the end of the day, be a supportive and
faithful spouse, the barbs hiding her soft interior are daunting to
the suitor.
“She is materialistic, and loves being so. Shopping is a major
hobby, and looking good is absolutely essential. The man is but
another accessory, a helper, chauffeur, bag carrier.”
There are, however, some 200,000 men who have a poor education
and a low salary. Their prospect of marrying a Singapore girl is
slim.
One emotional man said online: “I’m fed up with life. Can’t even
find a date let alone a wife.” For him and the rest, salvation lies
in Vietnam or China.
o Seah Chiang Nee is a veteran journalist and editor
of the information website littlespeck.com
Home
Oh, you miss out that there are more female entrepreneurs now than
10 years ago, from street 77th to my pubs, there is an increase of
almost 20%, so now, those corkerels who like to make so much noise
should give way to the hens ya
