Hey
Doc,
I bought your book three years ago and it has helped me in meeting
many women and evaluating relationships. However, I've always been
concerned that even if a girl has high Interest Level in you, she
can still desire other men. I've had girlfriends who planned
on marrying me, yet admitted to talking
to or flirting with guys they found
attractive.
The most recent example is Krystal. She's a cute girl, but not hot.
I introduced myself after seeing her glance at me on the train a couple of times. Within four dates
on which we got very romantic, she announced
that she loved me. I remembered to remain a Challenge and did not
return the "I love you," which is fine with
her. Krystal has high interest in me. Her eyes light up whenever
she sees me, she cooks for me, and she gives me massages. I trust
her for the most part because unlike previous ex-girlfriends, she
doesn't actively go to clubs and bars to "dance with her
girlfriends" and meet new men. Additionally, she always lets
me know of her activities.
We've dated for approximately seven months and she plans
on marrying me in three years when I'm done
with graduate school. However, it bugs me greatly that I always
catch her glancing or staring at other guys (especially shirtless
guys in the summer). How can I take her or any girl seriously when
they still have physical desires for other men, even when we are at
the peak of our relationship and are extremely happy? Once at a
restaurant she stared at a guy sitting behind me for five minutes,
which really ticked me off. She worked on it
and didn't do it for a while before resuming her habit again.
Should I accept that humans have multiple desires, or should I get
rid of Krystal? Some girls are not to be trusted, but my intuition
tells me she is deeply attached and in love
with me. And I am aware that there are lots of girls in happy
relationships and marriages who flirt for attention or confirmation
of their attractiveness.
The reason that this is an issue is because I know that if Krystal
looks at an attractive, confident guy, he might approach her, and
given her attraction, something might happen. If I marry her, I
don't want it happening to me!
Chandler - who has his doubts
Hi
Chandler,
Let me correct you
on something straight out of the gate. If a
woman has high Interest Level in you, she CANNOT desire other men.
A clinically sane woman
does not want other men if she's in love with
you. PERIOD. The reason your ex-girlfriends flirted with
other guys was because they WEREN'T in love
with you. Simple. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Your exes were in love
with the three billion other men on the face
of the planet."
Now let me get this
straight. After only four dates, Krystal declared that she
was in love with you? Now think about this
logically, pal. How is that possible? Like my cousin Fast Eddie
Love from East L.A. says, "No way, Jose!" And
like the great Doctor Freud once said, "A woman who says she loves
you after four dates has a screw loose." And this is the key to
why she's looking at all these other men. That said, you were
smart to not return the "I love you." It
shows you have some common sense and that you are learning a little
something.
You don't really
trust Krystal for the most part, Chandler. To you Psych majors,
you can't trust ANY woman
until after six months and NO red flags. Then and only then
can you begin to trust her. A woman has to earn
your trust. You can't toss trust out like a used tissue.
On the other hand, it's good that Krystal is
open with you and lets you know about her activities. But like my
cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "What
good is it? She can't stop checking out other
dudes."
Krystal's incessant
gawking at half-naked guys with six-packs shows that you have a
massive problem. If this babe is in love with
you and has 95% Interest Level in you, why is she salivating over
other guys at all? Let me explain something to you, my friend. When
a woman's Interest Level in you is through the roof, you're the most handsome guy
on the face of the planet. Just ask
Ringo Starr and Keith Richards. Even those muscle-bound guys in
Speedos at the beach can't compete with you when her Interest Level
is 95%.
And let me explain
something else to you. Krystal and you aren't over the moon about
being in love. You're the only one
who's extremely happy. You're the one who's at the peak of
the relationship. Krystal isn't so happy. She's in the valley of
the relationship. That's why she can't keep her eyes off other men
in various states of undress.
Krsytal only stared
at that fellow in the restaurant for five minutes? That's nothing!
You're an uptight guy, Chandler! You're too jealous and possessive,
that's your problem! But seriously, of course you were ticked off
that she dissed you. Who wouldn't be? And when she resumed her
habit of staring at other guys after you called her on it, that's when you should have said "Adios,
Krsytal!"
Girls don't have
multiple desires when they're in love with a
man. So you have to get rid of Krystal now. Your intuition
is not telling you that Krystal is in love
with you - it's your big EGO that's whispering in your ear. And
like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "A man's ego
is the devil."
The guys married to
the wenches who can't stop flirting because they need confirmation
of their attractiveness are miserable. Think about it, Chandler. Is
that the way you want to live for the next 40 years? Because her
"habit" is only going to get worse.
Even if something
never happens between Krystal and another guy, why does she need
the attention of complete strangers? The only way you're never
going to get burned by Krystal is if you dump her. Forget about
marrying her -- are you nuts or something? This girl gets an "F" in
LOYALTY and TRUST.
Remember, guys: if
she doesn't only have eyes for you, she's out.