Hi
Doc,
I've got "The
System," which has helped me a great deal with women. I've
been with Sapphire for four and a half years. She's the coolest
chick I've ever dated and one of the best people I've met in my
life. When I first met her I was following "The System"
strictly and I won her over. The problem is that while I was
really attracted to her in the beginning of our relationship, I
lost a lot of that attraction. Sapphire put on weight and stopped trying to keep her looks
together.
Recently my old
girlfriend contacted me after 12 years. Stormy is smokin' hot
and I never had any problems with physical attraction, but she was
super bitchy and eventually cheated on me.
Anyway, I should have followed "The System" by never going back to
Stormy, but like a fool I listened to a friend (a girl) who said,
"Oh that's a long time, she may have changed." So I began
talking to Stormy and of course she put her best foot forward and
sucked me in by stroking my ego. Since I'm not
as attracted to Sapphire anymore, I seriously thought of
leaving her for Stormy, who I began to pursue. The problem is that
she lives four hours away. Talk about a double
whammy! Not only did I pursue the old
girlfriend, but I pursued her into a long distance
relationship!
But I also know that
this is all wrong. Somehow I managed to keep both girls
on the hook until just this week when the old
girlfriend informed me that she found another man. This really
is good news no matter how much it hurts my ego. Stormy is no good,
but I was a sucker for her. But I couldn't let go of my
current girlfriend because I have a twisted sense of loyalty to
her. She never treated me badly and she really is my best
friend. I've treated her horribly though, but
she still holds on. In the middle of all this
I told Sapphire that she's put on weight and
let herself go. She was hurt, but she did lose a lot of the
weight and when she does herself up she looks
great.
Doc, my emotions are all over the place. Because I
messed with Sapphire so much, she wants to be married ASAP or it's
off. But I'm too twisted to feel 100% about marriage right
now. But I feel like if I lose Sapphire I may lose the best thing
that's happened to me, yet the physical attraction is not as hot as
it was. My old girlfriend coming back into my life only
stirred up the feeling I had for that physical attraction and those
sexy ways. At the same time maybe I'm looking for perfection
that doesn't exist. I'm 38 and I haven't had kids but I know
it's a good time for all this and Sapphire will be a great
mom. But I'm still having a tough time wanting the marriage
even though I believe we could have a very happy life. I wish
I wasn't so superficial.
Doc, I know I've done some bad stuff, but lay it
on me. I need to know how to handle
myself through this.
Wilfred - who's
twisted into a pretzel
Hi
Wilfred,
Let me ask you a
question: if you've been with Sapphire for four and half years,
how come you two aren't married? After all that time, you
should be.
But since Sapphire
let herself go to fat, you sure as heck don't want to marry her
now. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "At that
weight, she's not going to be a healthy spouse." So this is grounds
to drop her now.
Instead, you decided
to try to rekindle the mess with the super bitchy Stormy who
cheated on you before. Like most men, since
you're having problems with your current girl, you go to the past
for a solution. (To you Psych majors, women do the same thing, by
the way.) And what men do is distort what really
happened back then into something more agreeable to their present
needs. But Stormy belongs to the past, Wilfred. This disaster
happened 12 years ago. She memorized all the mistakes you made and
she can't forget them. So it's over. Get that through your head. I
don't care if this stuff happened 100 years ago - you can't go
back.
Sure, like your
friend said, Stormy may have changed, but her memory
hasn't changed. Your friend didn't give you good advice,
guy. And by the way, you should be listening to me, not some yahoo
friend of yours who doesn't know anything about
anything.
It's interesting
that you realized that Stormy sucked you in by pandering to your
ego. Most guys don't understand what's happening when they're being
taken for a ride, but you did at the same time as Stormy was doing
it. So you're making the wrong choices when you know they're the
wrong choices, and even though you have my book. What's wrong with
you, Wilfred?
And you pursued
Stormy anyway. So now you're entangled with two girls, neither of
whom you have a chance with. It was over years ago with Stormy, and
Sapphire loves to eat like Oprah. So what do you really
have?
It doesn't matter if
Stormy lives next door or in New Zealand - it's finished with her.
This is all a waste of
time and has absolutely nothing to do with your problems with
Sapphire. You've somehow gotten it into your head that there
are only two women in the whole world and you have to choose
between them. But these two are both OUT.
You don't have a
twisted sense of loyalty to anyone, Wilfred. You just can't be
alone, that's your problem - you're not into loyalty at all. Like
my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A.
says, "If you were really loyal, you wouldn't be chasing another
chick around." You wouldn't even be talking about Stormy
if you were a loyal man.
And like I said
before, it's also true that it's history with Sapphire. You've got
four and a half years in with a fat girl, that's all. Your emotions
aren't all over the place. It's your logic and reasoning that are
all over the place. Your emotions are fine. If Sapphire wants to be
married right away, tell her forget it, it's off. That way you're
rid of both of these pieces of dead wood once and for
all.
If you stay with
Sapphire, the physical attraction problem is only going to get
worse. Because like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "After she pops a kid, she's going to be
carrying another hundred pounds around."
The real problem
here is that you're not thinking about the possibility of a
third girl. Both Sapphire and Stormy are extinct issues -
that's what you don't seem to get. You have to find a girl that you
like, Wilfred. If you haven't married a girl after four
and a half years, you don't really like her. And so you have
a problem. You think you can still have a happy life with Sapphire?
Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You're off
in la-la land, boy."
And you're not
superficial, Wilfred. You just think in the short term, like most
men, and you're run by your emotions and your high Interest Level.
Other than that, you're a average guy.
Here's how you
should handle yourself: drop both girls, commit my materials to
memory, and find a third girl.
Remember, guys:
unless you memorize my program, you're going to make stupid
mistakes.