Hey
Doc,
I've been seeing Chloe for six months now and things have been
great. She is a Beautiful Woman who used to model in New York
and Paris. She's also a Giver. She's bought
me things plenty of times, she's kind to my close friends, and she
takes care of her mother who is financially unstable. She
manages to baby-sit terribly bratty children, so she seems to have
good potential as a mother as well. She also has very high
Integrity. Her Interest Level is in the 90s and she never uses
Womanese. She does, however, badmouth other people she doesn't care
for, but then again, I can be the same way so I think that's
acceptable.
Chloe has frequently told me I'm "the one." In fact, sometimes
she's overbearing, which brings me to her negatives. She can be
very needy; she often needs my help with her problems; if I don't
spend the day with her she will call me and expect me to listen to
her for at least 20 to 30 minutes; she has past "daddy" issues;
every time she tells me "I love you" she must hear me say "I love
you" back or else she won't leave me alone. When she dresses
up, she must hear a compliment from me or else she will give me a
hard time about it.
According to you I should not be there for Chloe all the
time. However, the way I see it, it's just much easier for me
to have a 20-minute phone conversation with her, rather than
pretend I was too busy to take the call and then have an argument
lasting at least an hour about why I didn't pick up the phone or
call her back. The same situation applies to saying "I love
you." Although you might say that being there for her too much and
being too accommodating is anti-Challenge and lowers her Interest
Level, I think her Interest Level is so high that it's okay to
compromise on these issues and preserve my sanity. But might I
be lowering her Interest Level in order just to avoid a
confrontation?
So what do you think? Is her moderate inflexibility a major
problem to the relationship, enough to cause serious problems down
the road? Am I risking lowering her Interest Level too much,
or am I compromising just the right amount? You've said
yourself that Beautiful Women are by nature inflexible, and I don't
think she's all that bad, so are these inflexible traits just part
of the deal with Chloe?
Nicoli - who wants to make sure this is a good
one
Hi Nicoli,
Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "Naw,
it ain't no problem to badmouth other folks - we all do it behind
the barn." On the other hand, to you Psych majors, a needy woman will drive you
bonkers. And because Chloe is so needy, she has you
playing psychiatrist, which you know, if you read my book that I'm
against. Now I want you to think about this real hard. Chloe has
you listening to her complain and bitch and whine and whimper for a
half hour every single day...and you're going to do it for the
next 45 years? You are literally going to be her shrink for
the next half-century. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "I
hope you know what you're getting yourself into,
man."
And think about this: she's going to
take her "daddy" issues out on you. Daddy issues fall under the
heading of "scars and baggage." Like most women, Chloe isn't saying
"I love you" because she really does love you, she's just saying it
because she needs to hear it said to her all the time and
she has to have the strokes. There's also this: every time she
changes her clothes you're going to have to tell her how fabulous
she looks. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says,
"Damn, this sounds like a lot of work. Ain't life supposed to be
easy some of the time?"
Again, you have to consider being
with Chloe while constantly meeting her needs for the next 45
years. Like my cousin General Love says, "Think about being
stranded in a cabin with her up in Alaska for a year or two." Or
like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "Bro, can you
imagine bein' in the same cell with her doin' life without the
possibility of parole?"
No, you shouldn't be there for Chloe
all the time, pal. Because SHE SHOULD BE GONE. Period. I don't care
if she's an ex-model. I don't care if she's the second coming of
Stephanie Seymour. You have to get rid of her unless you want to be
crazy, too. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "My son, you're paying
for those looks. And you're going to keep paying for them." This
babe is what we call SUPER HIGH-MAINTENANCE. She'll drive you
insane over the next 45 years. Remember, we die in our 80s today.
It's not like the old days when you croaked at
49.
If Chloe argues with you about why
you didn't pick up the phone whenever she calls, you can only come
to one conclusion: this girl is a M-E-S-S. That spells
MESS.
Now let me explain something very
important to you. You're worrying needlessly about being a
Challenge to Chloe because CHALLENGE DOESN'T WORK WITH WOMEN WHO
HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. A needy woman hates
Challenge. Challenge only
works with clinically sane, self-reliant women - not loons.
And Chloe, sadly, falls into the latter category. She has 95%
Interest Level in you all right; the problem is that when you look
up "scars and baggage" in Webster's Dictionary, her face is
there.
You're not going to lower Chloe's
Interest Level as long as you keep playing psychiatrist and give
her a therapy session every day for as long as you live and you
never miss a session. And as long as whenever she says "I love you"
and you say it back to her two or three or four times, she's not
going anywhere. Of course it has no value whatsoever in the
relationship, but with her low Self-Esteem, she'll think it's
great. You can say "I love you" to Chloe 50 times a day and never
lower her Interest Level because her Self-Esteem is in the
ditch.
You call her inflexibility
"moderate?" Talk about rationalizing, Nicoli! This is called SUPER
inflexibility, my friend! This isn't a major problem in the
relationship - it's MASSIVE. Of course it's going to cause serious
problems down the road - how could it not?
Don't fret about compromising too
much or lowering Chloe's Interest Level. Neither concept should
even be in this discussion. What you have to do is get rid of
her. She's a whack-job and you'll end up hating her
anyway.
Yes, it's true that as a rule the
Beautiful Woman is inflexible. And that's because ever since she
was 12 years old, every male she's ever run into has never said
anything but YES to her.
And yes, Chloe's character traits are
just part of the deal with her. But if you have three kids with her
and are trying to run a household and you have to put up with her
inflexible neediness all the time, how do you think it's going to
work out? How much attention do you think your kids are going to
get? Or you, for that matter? I feel sorry for you,
Nicoli.
Remember, guys: if you have to play
psychiatrist for her, it will drive you nuts.