Hey
Doc,
So I've been
brushing up on your book, and a few of your tips have really helped
me out. But I've run into something
rather peculiar.
Bridget and I work
together. I asked her out for a drink and she said yes. The next
day she texted me and asked if I wanted to eat some ice cream and
walk her dog in the park. It went well, we talked for a few hours,
said good night, and that was the end. I actually thought it might
not go anywhere after that. But then I ran into Bridget at work two
days later, and she practically asked me out. We set something up
for a couple days later and we ended up going out again. This time
it was amazing. I've been on quite a few dates, but none that went
as well as this. We ate at Bridget's favorite place and we talked
after supper for about four hours, went to see a movie and she made
it known that she wanted me to hold her hand through the movie. I
took her hand while walking to the car, which she liked. We
kissed when we got to the car. The date lasted about eight hours,
there were no awkward silences and lots of laughing, and after I
dropped her off she said she had a great time and so did I. She
showed a very high Interest Level.
Forward a day. We
made plans to go out and have a picnic. This was her idea. I was
going to stop and pick some food up so I asked her if she needed me
to grab anything. This is when she tells me that she's still a
little nervous about dating me, because she had told herself she
didn't want to get into another relationship for a few months (it's
been about two months since her last one). She said her "head was
all over the place." Then she said she wanted to take things really
slow, which I told her I have no problem with. So she cancelled our
date to go and play poker with a few of her friends, and that was
that. Nothing was rescheduled.
Doc, I'm crazy confused. One night Bridget is an 80% to
90% Interest Level and the next afternoon she feels like a slim
50%. I'm not sure how to go about this one. How slow should I go?
Should I go totally hands/lips off and not talk to her as much? Or
should I act like nothing happened the other night, and just act
more like a friend?
Derelle - whose head
is spinning
Hi
Derelle,
It's good that this
babe hustled you at first - it showed that she had high Interest
Level. Now let's see how you handled that high interest, because
that's the real test of whether you memorized my book and put my
principles and techniques into action.
You shouldn't be
holding hands with this girl when you're walking to your car. She
should be taking your elbow at most. And you shouldn't be hanging
all over each other in public. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "Displays of affection should always be
private and discreet."
Derelle, an
eight-hour date when you don't even know a girl is way, way too
long. To you Psych majors, here is the progression of how long
dates should last: the Starbucks date should last no longer than 45
minutes to one hour. The first dates after that should go two to
two and a half, no more than three hours MAXIMUM. A full eight
hours is overkill in the beginning of a relationship. Like my
cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says,
"Dude, are you trying to give away the store? You don't even know
this honey!"
Now let's look at
what happened next. This girl is all of a sudden nervous about
dating you and she's the one making all the dates? Like my Uncle
Jethro Love says, "I think I hear the cuckoo
bird singing!"
Bridget might not
want to get into a relationship so soon after her last one ended,
but so what? Nobody knows when relationships are going to happen or
not happen. The point
here is that Bridget is acting highly inconsistent. Derelle,
is that the kind of relationship you want?
Bridget's asking you
out all the time and now she wants to go slow? Now think about
what's happening here logically. Pretend you're a
psychiatrist, my friend. What would you say about this woman? And
what advice would you give yourself? Does this situation make any
sense at all? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "We all want
to have our cake and eat it too. But we can't have it both
ways."
Then Bridget calls
off your date to go and play cards. This is a broken date, pal. In
my book it says a broken
date means that the girl is OUT. Period. So this thing is
over, and that's all there is to it.
Guy, in the amount
of time you spent with this girl, you didn't do all the right
things. In fact, you did everything wrong. You "brushed up" on my
book instead of memorizing it. You were using only a few
of my techniques when you should have been using ALL of them. In
other words, you took weak, halfway measures with Bridget and now
you have to pay for not doing what you were supposed to
do.
Actually Bridget is
a slim 49% Interest Level. There is no such thing as a 50%
Interest Level. It's either 51% and up, and 49% and below - which
means you're OUT. And you're out, Derelle. In this case you're out
because there was a broken date and you spent much too much time
with this girl.
You can't go slowly
with Bridget now because you already went too fast and crashed into
a wall. Once you break the speed limit, it's too late. And Bridget
broke a date - which means it's adios,
baby! So now you're going to see her at work,
smile, say "Hi, how ya doin'," and keep walking. That's it. You
can't act like a friend because you're nothing but an acquaintance.
And Bridget won't even remember that.
Remember, guys: if
you don't spoon-feed yourself, she's going to burn out on
you.