Hey
Doc,
Greetings from Scandinavia! I read "The
System" a year ago and I've learned a lot. Thank
you!
Elsa and I have been together for seven
months. She is extremely attractive, really loves me, and her
Interest Level is up in the 90s. She would do anything for me. In
return, I keep her on her toes and keep it light, funny and cocky.
I always make sure to go out with the boys, and have several
friends, both girls and guys.
Now here's the rub. We are both students
and we've moved in together. Already I'm beginning to wonder if
this move happened too soon. I feel like sometimes we are on top of
each other. Would you say that after seven months it's too early to
move in together? And if so, how can I suggest to Elsa that it is
too early without ruining the relationship? The one time I
mentioned my misgivings, she got very bummed out and sad. Now that
we're under the same roof, how do we keep the relationship fresh,
interesting and loving? How do we avoid falling into a rut and
letting everything become boring and so forth?
There's one more thing I want to mention
and I'm a little embarrassed about it. A few days ago Elsa threw me
a real curveball, as you like to say in America. She shocked me by
suggesting that someday we should have a "second" girlfriend in our
relationship. She said she thought it might be fun to be romantic
with a third person and thought she would like to try it. When I
pressed her on it, she said it was just a passing
fantasy.
Doc, do you think
Elsa is thinking of cheating on me? I'm still trying to process her
question and I'm getting nowhere. Any insight would be
appreciated.
Bubba - who doesn't know what to make of
it
Hi Bubba,
You can't say you read "The System" a
year ago and expect it to have the desired effect. You have to
immerse yourself in my book on a constant basis. You have to
read at least seven pages a night and you can't let your girlfriend
know about it. Like my cousin Rabbi Love
says, "This is a continuous educational process." So, Bubba, you
can't say you read "The System" once a long time ago and insist
that you learned a lot. You've got a lot more to learn, and you
have to memorize the program in order for it to have its full,
proper effect on your life.
All the things you say you did in the
first seven months with Elsa were great. You kept her at arm's
length and you were a Challenge. Congratulations. Now let's see
where you went off the track.
When you're cohabiting, sometimes you're
going to feel like Elsa is on top of you but a lot depends on your
actual living situation. How big is the place you're living in? Is
it a spacious house or a tight apartment? Do you have separate
bedrooms? Can you stay in one room and study while she's in the
living room watching television so you both have some breathing
space? Obviously the smaller the space you're in, the relationship
is going to be more claustrophobic. Like my cousin General
Love says, "Ask anybody in a nuclear
submarine."
But on the other hand, living together
after only seven months of dating is way, way, WAY too
soon. So you've already made the biggest mistake of your life by
moving in with this girl. But you can't suggest to Elsa that it's
too early now because it will ruin the relationship. Like
my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Since
you've already messed it up by not controlling yourself, the only
thing you can do now is suck it up and do the best you
can."
Of course Elsa got bummed out and sad
when you brought up your misgivings about the relationship because
you hurt her feelings. What did you expect, dude? Like my cousin
Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "You're
backpedaling, and you can't backpedal with your
girlfriend."
You keep the relationship fresh,
interesting and loving by looking up "MAINTENANCE PROGRAM" in the
Dating Dictionary. You're going to give Elsa respect,
affection, romance, and support. You're going to be humorous,
you're never going to say "I love you," and
you're going to take her out once a week. That's the only way you
can keep this thing from getting boring now. You have a lot of work
ahead of you, my friend.
Now let's move on to the third party
that Elsa wants in your relationship. If you wouldn't have jumped
into living together after only seven months, this would have come
out eventually and you wouldn't have moved in with her and gotten
yourself trapped. Anytime
a girl wants to bring a third party in to spice things up, that
relationship is dead in the water. Like the old Chinese
saying goes, "Relationships are for two people, not three,
grasshopper."
Hey, Elsa's not thinking of cheating on
you because she wants you involved! But like the great Doctor Freud
once said, "Your ego would not be able to handle it." Plus, it's
not healthy for the relationship.
Bubba, you've got a massive problem on
your hands here. And all because you only read "The System" once a
year ago. If you'd read it 15 times like I tell you guys to, you
wouldn't be in this predicament. If you'd taken the counsel of my
program, which you didn't, you'd have emailed me or gotten coaching
from me or solicited my opinion before you made this big move with
Elsa. But you didn't do any of it, which means you don't know "The
System." And now you're going to have to pay for
it.
Remember, guys: if your girlfriend is
into threesomes, she can't be a long-term
relationship.