From: Singapore Inc,
Department of Minister
Acquisition,
Istana, Orchard Rd, Singapore
238823
To: Leaders of the Free World
RE: Singapore seeks new Prime Minister
Dear Sir,
Singapore Inc. was formed in the aftermath of the latest spate
of ministerial salary increment. Disgruntled Singaporeans, tired of
being powerless, got together and the first Annual General Meeting
of Singapore Inc. was convened to discuss the various problems
plaguing our nation.
Faced with a soaring CPI, our elite team of ministers, who are
incidentally the highest paid group of politicians in the world,
offered this advice to citizens affected by the slew of price
hikes: switch to cheaper products.
We at Singapore Inc., were so impressed with their creativity
that we took the advice to heart. Not only that, as responsible
citizens, we have voted to carry this advice further and to its
logical conclusion: switch to cheaper politicians.
We did our sums and arrived at the conclusion that if we were to
replace the current Prime Minister and his cabinet with cheaper but
more talented foreign imports, we would save millions for the
Treasury in the short term and billions in the long run. Therefore,
we at Singapore Inc. appeal to world leaders in both the political
and commercial arenas to apply for the post of Prime Minister of
Singapore.
Ideally, the incoming Prime Minister should be willing to work
long hours for very little money.
Should you accept the post of Prime Minister, we are pleased to
offer you the following terms:
- An annual salary of US$800,000 dollars. It may be much lesser
than the US$2.05 million paid to our current Prime Minister, but
why do you think we are seeking a replacement in the first place?
US$800,000 dollars is twice the amount the American president is
earning, and not to be sneezed at.
-The position of Prime Minister of Singapore is hereditary, and
you can even exercise the option of choosing your successor from
either your own family members or close associates.
-Guaranteed return to power at every 'General Election' for the
Prime Minister and his party.
-Stock options and a seat on the board of directors in the GIC.
The GIC is a Sovereign Wealth Fund established to manage
Singapore's foreign reserves which amounts to more than US$100
billion. Unfortunately, we are unable to give you an exact figure
at the moment. Please have fun finding out when you become Prime
Minister.
-The spouse of the Prime Minister will be offered the post of
CEO of Temasek Holdings, the executive arm of the GIC. It currently
manages a portfolio of more than *US$100 billion. (*Exact figure
unknown)
-A compliant judiciary to offer flexible interpretations of the
Constitution and Legislations to suit your every need, such as when
you need to sue pesky opposition politicians for defamation.
-Health, dental, life and disability insurance.
Duties and Responsibilities:
-Upon assuming office, the Prime Minister will form the new
government. We at Singapore Inc. advise a complete overhaul of the
Cabinet. Currently, a Singapore minister earn an annual salary of
US$1.32 million. We advise appointing ministers who will be happy
with US$360,200. That is much lower than the current pay scale for
a Singapore minister but twice the amount a US Cabinet Secretary is
earning. With 15 Cabinet ministers (excluding the Senior Minister
and Minister Mentor), this exercise to curb the excesses of the
cabinet will save the Treasury US$14.4 million a year.
-We at Singapore Inc. advise that the posts of Senior Minister
and Minister Mentor are redundant and a waste of taxpayers' money.
No other Prime Minister in the world needs to be advised by a
Senior Minister and mentored by a Minister Mentor at the same time.
Doing away with these redundancies will save the Treasury another
US$4 million a year.
-Traditionally, Singapore has a President who is the ceremonial
head of State. However, after Ong Teng Cheong's term of office,
what little executive power the post of President conferred has
been further curtailed. We at Singapore Inc. therefore consider the
current salary for the President at US$2.6 million to be an excess
and an unnecessary burden on taxpayers. We advise keeping the
ceremonial post of President but reducing his salary to US$315,000
which is on par with what the President of Germany is getting.
-If our advice is taken and implemented, that will save the
Treasury approximately US$22 million a year. And you will be
popular with the people.
We look forward to you joining us.
Singapore Inc.
(For the people. By the people)
*Amendments made to letter:
-Annual salary for US President should be US$400,000. Twice that
amount should be US$800,000.
-A Cabinet Secretary is earning US$180,100 per annum at the
moment. Twice that amount should be US$360,200.
-Therefore, if our advice is taken and implemented, that will
save the Treasury approximately US$22 million a year.
PS: Don't think we are not kicking ourselves over the mistakes,
but as that gives us a good excuse to send out the appeal one more
time, we are not kicking ourselves too hard.
