TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships.
When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of
trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes
enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone
call. She answered, 'Public Utilities Board.' There was
silence. She repeated, 'PUB.' There was still no answer. When she
was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's voice, 'Oh, so
this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I
do not know whose number it is.'
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple
if the telephone operator answered with just 'hello' instead of
'PUB'.
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NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a
successful marriage. Could you please share with me your
secret?'
The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife
for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear
in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could
not find a better husband than you.'
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are
afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he
would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at.. This
is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point
one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at
ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
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CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
B>A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU,
and requested 'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a
suitable one.' The SDU officer said, 'Your requirements, please.'
'Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in
singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting
stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I
want to rest.' The officer listened carefully and replied, 'I
understand you need television.'
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see
the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the
nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the
courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship.
Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wae p
and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare
begins.
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NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower
another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that
love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits
after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese
saying which carries the meaning that 'It is easier to reshape a
mountain or a river than a person's character.'
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing
the spouse character will cause disappointment and
unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our
expectations..
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RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'A speech
will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off
because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each
other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say
anything without considering if it would hurt the other
party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction
site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily!
Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school.' On the way
home, her millionaire husband teased her, 'Luckily you married me.
Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.' She
answered,'You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he
will be the millionaire and not you..'
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad
relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
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PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be
another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On
the way home, a boy commented, 'Very stupid. Why neither of them
ride on the donkey? 'Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife
ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw
it and commented, 'The husband is the head of family. How can the
wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?' Hearing
this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the
donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, 'How
can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no
gentleman.' The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join
him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, 'Poor
donkey, how an yo hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel
to you.' Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed
down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the
donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and
fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor
will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and
never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is
clear..
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BE PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out
of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his
three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint
of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked im awa, hammered the
little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed
down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he
finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When
the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he
innocently said, 'Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck.' Then he
asked, 'but when are my fingers going to grow back?' The father
went home and committed suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or
you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience
with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones and
hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the
difference between the person and the performance. We forget that
forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the
actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
'Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better
One'
' Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away '
