10. Paranoid Control: "The Loser" will check up on you and keep
track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a
member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how
you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask
where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc.
They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop
certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the
friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the
grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch
you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look
through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they
arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech
losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from
their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later
reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen
to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you
that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go
certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date
is present on Friday night -- "The Loser" will inform you that they
will call you that night -- sometime. That effectively keeps you
home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you
might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique
allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time
controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
11. Public Embarrassment: In an effort to keep you under control
while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names,
or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in
front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion
you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the
time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon
find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to
their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with
your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you
and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".
12. It's Never Enough: "The Loser" convinces you that you are never
quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't
stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their
sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is
expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and
confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you
how lucky you are to have them -- somebody who tolerates someone so
inadequate and worthless as you.
13. Entitlement: "The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement,
the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do
whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they
have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them,
and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum.
Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against
you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of
their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any
manner they see fit.
14. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him: As the relationship
continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is
doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your
withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are
jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest
and opinion as further evidence that they are against you -- not
him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an
angry response from them -- eventually placing you in the situation
where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own
family members. "The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by
anyone you are close to -- even your children. In some cases, your
parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your
home.
15. Bad Stories: People often let you know about their personality
by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about
giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The
stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what
they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A
humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser"
tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others,
rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships
and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly
despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about
their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong
with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing
from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories,
much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends.
Listen to these stories -- they tell you how you will eventually be
treated and what's coming your way.
