The bait did little for me as well. Even as I resumed my baiting
online, our first established comfort zone, she seemed little
responsive to it. Falling back on a myriad of excuses for not
picking up the phone and my protests of her unfair treatment and
being truly busy she had me ignored most of the night. Till I
dropped her an ultimatum to call me when she was done, then went
off.
She did, albeit reluctantly. And I guessed that continuing the
provoke her attention and interests wasn't the best of directions
to take. She came off me totally, and wanted to end the night
earlier than I set the bar for minimum. A mere five minutes. I was
flabbergasted, in the bad way. What had happened? I was radiating
the sexiness of Tom Jones just a night back, with my push-pull
lures & teases and tonight it was like similar teases were like
rocks thrown in her path?
I was experiencing the female phenomenon men who have gone for
generations before me labelled mood swings. Oh yeah, thrilled to be
in the midst and submerged beneath it. Now fear the almighty female
gender, that oscillates between epic sensuousness and emotional
fratricide in millisecond periods. Joy.
Till a next day review with the dating bible, The Game, described a
most intriguing insight into women and seeking validations. The
matrix of the female emotional programming. The assembly code her
'feelings' and 'moods' were compiled of. Well, not technically that
transparent, but I have enough depth in the field to understand the
parables he preached in his holy mantra.
Women, like men, needed just as much acknowledgement, if not more
when they undertake actions, especially deemed daring,
out-of-league attempts. Kissing me, over text was quite off for a
guy that she's conversed with verbally for two occasions and known
for ten days, and over friendster at that. At this point I realize
many dissenters will disagree with me, that attraction is almost
time-irrelevant, and most of all for the merest shadow of a kiss
like this. Of course, I have no intention of refuting that. It's
true that any pseudo-alpha male, with enough depth in the field of
pick-ups, or otherwise referred as sarging, have little to worry
about sealing the kissing deal. However, that's not the direction
I'm coming from here, the flirting have so far been casual, and
from a pseudo-platonic angle, but we are attempting to make a real
emotional connection, and that's why I had taken ten days to know
her, know who she is beyond where she studies, her age and the size
of her breasts. It makes more sense to me somehow, then to strafe
for an easier, quicker fuck at clark quay clubs or the like.
Perhaps it's aesthetics or a lack of experience but either way I'm
pretty comfortable with it. But I digress.
Having blown out that kiss she could be taken as easy by me. I
mean, what assurance have I given her thus far but those built on
trust and an unspoken, inferred promise that I may potentially be
interested in her one-on-one? Something that I'm not even obliged
to fulfil given that I haven't even met her in person yet. So she
did the only thing she could, she shrank back a little, shut her
heart a fraction of an inch close and hope I reach out to lead her
out of her defensive stance, to assure her, to offer more trust
from my own reserves. But instead I turned around and half-walked
away, expecting her to follow.
On hindsight, it's actually quite funny how clueless I was. I
forgot she was a semi-conservative girl from the start, despite the
fact she parties occasionally. But then again, I think sometimes
men do miss this, or more likely, overtly offer assurance when
there are seemingly no reason to. This results in the what's known
commonly as the 'welcome mat' treatment where the girl will end up
walking all over him, all over his supposed authority and having
him at her whims. I refused to be like that, but that doesn't mean
the polar opposite is a good stance either.
In fact women should be, to some degree (just sufficiently)
validated. To offer some emotional tribute to them does surrender
some masculine power, and some guys including myself sometimes,
cannot deal with that. Yet, as much as sex and affection is a
necessity for human beings, acceptance and affirmation is too. She
needed to know I accepted her as a conservative girl, while
simultaneously affirming her for stepping outside her comfort
zone.
I know, she's a big girl now, she should know what she's doing and
not need me to coddle her every step of the way when she decides to
explore her previously uncharted territories of trust and flirting.
That's true to a certain degree, I look to being more of a leader
when it comes to emotions and sex than a manipulator, a chess
master. I'd rather be there to lead her out at appropriate moments
and let her struggle to catch on at others. Than to snare her by
putting her in difficult positions where she can choose a romantic
adventure, a different sub-reality in her life, or to go hungry
without. Perhaps it's because the last vestiges of inefficient
morality still struggles with my new founded pick-up antics.
Whatever.
Just to balance the argument though, I really don't believe in
uselessly throwing affirmations and asking permission with girls,
as though transforming and off-loading my insecurity into ego
boosters. I don't believe in giving the upper hand away by assuring
where I don't desperately need to, and certainly not allowing them
to control the tempo things between the two of us. I lead, she
follows. She always follows. I just take her feelings into
consideration when I lead, that's all. I never ask for permission
besides out of general courtesy, and even then I make it clear I
can already decide without her input.
