Your relationship with your girlfriend is sailing along --
you're having fun, there isn't a lot of fighting, and the sex is
good. Everything seems to be working quite nicely.
But then, out of left field, she tosses you a hand grenade: she
accuses you of having an affair with the new girl at work. A girl
you've exchanged maybe ten words with.
After you finish picking your jaw up off the floor, you deny her
accusation, but she's pouty, sullen. "I can't believe you're
destroying our relationship," she tells you. "What is it? I'm not
pretty enough for you anymore?"
Desperate, shaking your head in disbelief, you try to pour oil on
troubled waters by apologizing for something you never did in the
first place.
But it's too late. The sex is cut off. And it's only after
innumerable phone calls, flower deliveries, and humiliating begging
that you manage to restore harmony.
For something you never did in the first place.
What the hell happened here?
Well, my friend, you were just a victim of "The Test." And you
failed it miserably.
the nasty tests women dish
__________________________________
Women are like spoiled children. They are self-focused, insecure
and irrational. They crave drama and games. They demand constant
attention, reassurance, and above all, power in relationships. And,
like children, who ceaselessly push limits to see just how much
they can get away with from their parents, women relentlessly test
men.
Just how do women test? Here are a few examples:
Canceling or changing plans at the last
minute.
Not returning phone calls (even though she's
interested in you).
Finding fault with your clothes, hair, car, etc. and
pressuring you to change them.
Pouting when you want to spend time with your
buddies.
Bringing up the dreaded "Where do you think this
relationship is going?" question.
Acting bratty, bitchy, demanding, dramatic, picky,
or manipulative to see if you will put with it.
Testing to see how nice you are (will you back down
or change your behavior to suit her?).
Expecting you to ask for permission before doing any
"guy stuff."
Blatantly flirting with other men in front of
you.
Accusing you of doing things you didn't do.
Threatening to leave or end the relationship if she
doesn't get her way.
Blaming you when you call her on her behavior.
Making you jump through all sorts of hoops.
Asking "no-win situation" questions ("Does this
dress make me look fat?" ).
Playing hard-to-get -- pretending she's not
interested in you when she really is, and then expecting you to
keep pursuing her.
Not answering questions directly/expecting you to be
a mind reader and then blaming you when you're not.
Withholding sex and making you beg for it.
"The Test" is all about control. Since women already know they
control relationships with sex, they are experts at manipulating
men. Their power base is granting and withdrawing attention and
access to their "favors" (while making sure they extort a hefty
price).
But they need more -- they need to know that their control is
absolute. So they test men to see how far they can push them, to
see just how much they can get away with. They test to see how
insecure men are, to see how desperate they are for sex (to
determine how much they can exploit them). They test to see how
much they've been able to feminize men (for example, forcing them
to express emotions) and so make them more controllable.
They test to reassure themselves of their physical attractiveness,
to see if they can still wrap men around their fingers with their
sexual power. They test to provide drama in their lives by
provoking unnecessary fights and arguments.
Testing is a woman's way of keeping a man off-balance, of keeping
him dancing to her tune like a puppet on a string. This is why, as
soon as a man reacts to The Test by getting angry, giving in, or
apologizing, he has failed. He's lost the relationship game and
handed over all his male power, forever doomed to be the groveling
wuss-boy who will kneel down and take anything his woman dishes
out. And she loves it.
Thinking you can't win? Don't be so sure.
slam on the brakes
Here are a few tips to put the brakes on her manipulative
tests:
1- Develop a test "radar." Be on the lookout for the items in the
list above. Remember; it is how a man reacts to a woman's testing
off the bat that will determine the course of the relationship.
Once you become aware of what she's doing, it will be much easier
to stop it before it starts.
2- Never get angry at her testing, and never apologize for your
behavior (assuming you've done nothing wrong) -- if you do, you'll
lose instantly.
3- Test her back! Try using her own tests against her and see how
she reacts.
4- Stand your ground at the outset. At the first inkling of a test,
put your foot down, and keep it down. Tell her that you refuse to
be tested. Explain to her that if she wants to be with you, then
she'll have to knock off the childish power games.
5- When all else fails, walk away. Go out and look for a woman who
doesn't need to test you and who genuinely appreciates you. This is
your ultimate power as a man, and the ultimate "pass" of her
tests.
