Something to Share.... 
5 Golden rules in finding Mr/Ms
Right
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the
prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the
decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a
mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent,it appears
that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding
Mr./Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting
married, they'll say "We're in love". I believe is the #1 mistake
people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound
truth here.
Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is
the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are
right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again:
"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a
lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're
serious about finding and keeping a life partner..."
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life
purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married
for 20 or 30 yrs, that's a long time to live with someone. What do
you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog
together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.
You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you
can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing
apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out
of life bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same
thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing
my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust,ie. trust that I won't
get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and
feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom
you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest
with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with
the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a
mensch
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.
How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on
personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about
improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as
"someone who is always striving to be good and do the right
thing".
So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their
time?
Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not
someone whose top priority is character refinement. There're
essentially 2 types of people in the world: People who are
dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to
seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal
comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that
before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat
other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is
the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give
another
person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to
others or are they wrapped up in themselves and
self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat
people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiter! s,
bus boy, taxi driver,etc.
How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and
appreciation? Do they show respect?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you
who can't do nearly as much for them!
Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips
cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone
who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as
well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm
hoping to change about this person after we're
married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the
intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a
colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to
change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept
this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry
them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and
treacherous.The key is to try leading a little more with your head
and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be
sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key
issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a
ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble
because you didn't do your homework.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you
have in your life that really counts..