So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The
answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs,
sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the
physical sexual drive and the emotional need.
People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their
physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding
these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully
work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to
resist any instinctual sexual urge.
a prisoner of your
instincts
The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger,
and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each
person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive
that dominates a person's actions.
Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for
millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only
been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand
years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of
one's evolutionary sexual drive.
Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological
nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved
towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and
enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical
needs.
Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose
to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are
setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior
cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then
can we learn to work around our weaknesses.
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We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical
instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's
Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to
understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate,
we need to make a few comparisons.
Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and
women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of
the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can
control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision
to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is
built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the
"water" will eventual break through the "dam."
In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable)
objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore,
in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the
emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to
keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.
So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In
order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the
following reasons why people stray...
1. Physical Drive
No longer finding partner sexy or attractive
Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had
when you first met your partner. Working out together is a great
way to spend time together while keeping each other physically fit
and appealing.
Sex may be readily available with another
Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs -- even when
you don't "feel like it" or have a headache.
Current partner is unavailable for sex
Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another.
Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad,
but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to
temptation.
No sexual variety
Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous
sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering
what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else.
Less sex
The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less
likely you'll go out looking for more.
2. Emotional
Needs
No longer feeling accepted, desired by another
You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel
accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you
will always be looking for that person who will give you all these
things. And when that person comes along, you might be tempted by
their warm, fuzzy fruit.
The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in
The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not
emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can
become boring. Take part in exciting activities together in order
to keep the thrill in your social life.
Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current
relationship
Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is.
The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one
another. Couples should spend a few hours a week talking about
their relationship, both the positives and the negatives. Remember,
your doctor does not know that there is something wrong with you
unless you tell him. How can your mate help if you don't discuss
things?
there is no eternal bliss
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When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what
attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight
of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that
person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should
always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However,
focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so
miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.
Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating
usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A
relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and
attention along with trust and communication will continuously help
both people grow.
If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself
and your spouse to be honest. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt
everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship before
seeking happiness with another person.
Also, remember that the new person will require just as much
maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it
will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know
it, you'll have weeds all over the place.