SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being
with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest
marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready
to settle down.
A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me
that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his
wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife
does.
'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said
wistfully.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is
single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him
or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered
many memories.
-From the Straits Times.
We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first
sight.
He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly
religious.
I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally
and metaphorically - in the clouds.
I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky
sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight
conversations.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to
us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating
them even more.
My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take
health supplements - and go to church.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not
looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping
holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
In the six months that we were together, he popped the question
several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He
wanted us to enrol for a Christian marriage preparation
course.
Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I
was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess
than Baby Guess.
And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other
men.
So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a
13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt
pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I
became.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as
a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and
reached a point where I just wanted out.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me
regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi'
via e-mail.
I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as
those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the
meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second
thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable
before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that
I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One
day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit
away.
But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him
until last year.
The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One.
My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If
only... what feeble words.
These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my
loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do
everything about my choices.
Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of
marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly
that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry
me.
But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I
should not make another by settling for second best merely for the
sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy
who confided in me did.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
