Came across this humourous piece in ExpatSG. Posted by
swami1959
Outsourcing is very common these
days.
Impressed by Singapore's progress and success let us for a moment
imagine that the powers at IRAQ offer Singapore's leaders and
people the opportunity to set their country right how would
Singaporeans go about it?
Here are some scenarios
Step 1 Sign a free trade agreement with
IRAQ.
Establish HDB type flats at Bagdad and all major cities in IRAQ.
the ethnic composition of each of the cluster of flats will
comprise of 60% Shias, 15% Sunni Arabs 20% Sunni Kurds, the
remaining 5% for other ethnic communities. All the flats will have
bomb shelters. To promote unity amongst the communities no one can
occupy the same flat in the same locality for more than 10 years.
Every ten years individuals must swap their living quarters.
Build at least three integrated resorts one at at Sadr City,
another at Tikrit and the third one at Basra.
MRT lines between Bhagdad and Basra. The second line will be
between Kirkuk and Mosul. The third line will be between Bhagdad
and Kirkuk. All these will be established in Phases over a period
of 15 years.
TIKRIT , MOSUL, Bhagdad and Basra will also have LRT lines. Major
players bidding for this will be our very own SMRT and SBS.
No COE for buying cars in IRAQ. The full petrol tank policy will
not apply if Iraqis want to travel to Syria, or Iran in their own
cars.
Iraqis wanting to come to Singapore for holiday will not require a
visa and Singaporeans will not require Visa to visit Iraq however
Iraqis visiting Singapore can remain in Singapore for a period not
greater than 3 months at a time.
Immigration and checkpoints authority will issue the latest and
most modern tamperproof bio metric passports and I cards for all
Iraqis.
Several New Water plants dotted across Iraq at places which do not
have access to water from the rivers TIGRIS and EUPHATES.
Set up ERP and gantry for entering Bhagdad, Kirkuk, Mosul,
Fallujah, Nasiriyah, and Basrah
NTUC to set up recreation facilities and NTUC chalets all across
IRAQ and also fair price shops where daily necessities will be sold
at affordable prices.
SBS and SMRT will revamp the local transport system and introduce
bullet proof buses. Those traveling by these buses can take out an
insurance with NTUC Income. If the journey ends in a blast then the
next of kin will get he contracted compensation from NTUC.
Because IRAQ is oil rich no GST will be imposed on IRAQIs.
NKF will be allowed to set up branch in IRAQ. NKF will set up code
of conduct for Kidney trade. Kidney trade will be encouraged and
well regulated. If Singapore is world's number one destination for
individuals seeking quality health care then IRAQ will be number 2
in the world for kidney transplantation facilities. With so many
deaths due to violence Iraq can be a good place to source kidneys
from cadavers.
Crime and punishment
Carrying drugs greater than 10 grams, guns weighing more than 10
Kgs, Grenades greater than 5 KG will invite the mandatory death
sentence. In short carrying any form of weapon outside of the house
will invite the mandatory death sentence. Housewives can continue
to use kitchen knife within the confines of their house.
Singapore pools will set up outlets all across IRAQ with online
betting the winner will get cash plus a condominium in Najaf. To
render betting relevant to Iraqi environment individuals can bet on
cock fights using Singapore pools online betting system.
Ports authority of Singapore will set up the world's second busiest
port in Basrah
Keppel shipyard will start building world class oil tankers at
Basrah.
Singtel and Starhub will connect all of IRAQ. However when it comes
to MOBILE phones M1 will have the biggest share because remember
their tagline is every where under the sun and IRAQ is Sunni sorry
I mean sunny....
Under Singapore management computers will be distributed to all
adult Iraqis over the age of 20. The cost of the computer will be
debited to the CPF ordinary account of Iraqis. With subsidized
computer education and several free online games and fast broadband
connections, all Iraqis will be so busy playing computer war games
that they will forget all about violence and spend all their time
glued to computer screens. Iraqi gamers will be encouraged to fight
war games with Iranian gamers.
Our own HWZ will set up IRQI Portal. We will also have our beloved
SLS and Funan IT mall, and challenger at all the major Iraqi
cities.
IRAQ will be a hot tourist destination with the Iraq ZOO cast in
the image of the Singapore ZOO. Once the zoo is established the
Bird park and crocodile farm will not be far away.
Outward bound will set up adventure sports facilities at TIGRIS and
EUPHRATES rivers. SMU will conduct team building exercises at these
venues.
Image of Singapore will not be complete without Singapore Airlines.
IRAQ will have the world's second best airlines comprising entirely
of Airbus A380s managed by SIA.
