Notes through Heaven's gates

~Or|oS|s~ SG

Dear Angels,

please help me pass notes to my cousin, Charles. Yes, the one who passed away in a bike crash on August 14th, 1997. I know it is probably not right for me to be communicating to him, but I really miss him a lot a lot, and I really wish to tell him a lot of things...

I really hope that my wish would be granted, I would even give up my place in Heaven if you would just allow me to communicate to Charles through notes....

Please.....

Sincerely,
Ruth

skeujin SG

Shocked

u wrote tis?

tell u wat i blive...there r angels all around us.... listening... helping... even our loved ones who have passed on can hear us wen we speak..... u r nvr alone...

watch the movie 'city of angel' to get an idea of wat im toking about.

~Or|oS|s~ SG

but the thing is...... Charles doesn't seem to be ard, but I refuse to believe that he went the other way cos it's just not possible!! Crying or Very sad

skeujin SG

God's Footprints - written by unknwn

One night in deepest sleep, I dreamed,
Upon the beach I walked.
The Lord was by my side each step
As quietly we talked.

Then on the sky my life appeared;
Each chapter was serene.
Two sets of footprints in the sand
I saw in every scene.

And then I noticed in some parts
Of discontent and strife,
Just a single pair of footprints
In the worst times of my life.

"Lord, you said you'd walk by me
In good times and in bad.
Why then weren't you with me
When you knew my life was sad?"

"My dearest child," God whispered,
"When you suffered then, I knew;
The single pair of footprints
Were those times I carried you."

skeujin SG

wat do u mean he's nt around?

~Or|oS|s~ SG

I LOVE this poem!!!!!!!!
i actualli have it on a shirt!!!
n i used to have a poster of it on my wall!! i thinki still have it in my m'sia house!!!
but.............................
i have back slided a lot..........
grown very far from God.........
i still remember in Sec 4, whenever i walked to sch i would tok to Him, not pray cos i had to keep my eyes open to walk but talk, those kind of casual talk, like talking to a fren.....
i dun think it's rude, but it felt very very comforting...... I even "scolded" God one time for playing a trick on me.....
but now................ dunno how to face Him.............

~Or|oS|s~ SG

he is dead, u noe rite? from the note i wrote above?
as in u said that our friends n family may be angels ard us.....
but i dun feel him ard at all....... no matter how hard i feel, i dun feel him ard........... Sad

skeujin SG

Smile
God wil nvr turn his back on you..... hasnt the poem taught u anything.... Wink
honestly i dnt go to church. im also not a religious person. but i do speak to god sometimes... asking him for guidance... nothing rude about it....
u dnt have to be in chruch to be with god, he is w u in yr heart n everywhr u go...

skeujin SG

wat u feel maybe jus a missing of his physical presensce.... frm wat i read... angels will nt appear or reveal their presensce unless its really nessacary but they r always around....
I knw tis for a fact.... i almost gt killed once but somethg pulled me back frm my next step n a car zoomed past.... till nw i can only say my guardian angel held me back....
if yr efeling sad n lonely or u miss him lots... jus tok to him. im sure he is listening....

~Or|oS|s~ SG

Dear Angels,

thank you for letting me pass notes to my cousin!!!! I am so grateful no words can express my gratefulness!! Thank you so much!!!!

Please pass the following note to Charles, thank you so much once again.....

Sincerely,
Ruth

Dear Charles,

I hope that it is you reading this now, actually I have so much to say to you, I really don't know where to start... ... I really miss you you know that? I really wish that you didn't.......... How I wished that it was me and not you, you had so much ahead of you, you were going to get married!! I never even got a chance to really talk to you and you just left like that..... How could you leave me behind???

You promised me that you would buy a flat and I could stay with you as long as I didn't tell anyone about the girls you bring back!! I promised you that I wouldn't, I really did!! I was so looking forward to it!!! But it never happened....... I ended up living in your room for my final year in Nanyang...... Do you know how terrible that was??

Everyday I reached home I had to avoid looking at the black and white photo of you your dad had put on the cabinet facing the door! I didn't want the image of you alive to disappear from my head cos I wanted to remember you the way you were when we went all around Singapore looking for that one shirt you wanted from U2. You only wore business shirts from U2!! I still remember that!! I wanted to remember you the way you were when you, your girlfriend and I went for a movie in JB, and then seafood supper. I wanted to remember you the way you were when when you were driving. I wanted to remember you the way you were when you were explaining why the forever friends bear I gave you was back facing up on your hand break. I wanted to remember you the way you were when you let me ride pillion on your bike...

But do you know what?? I'm really really sorry because no matter how hard I try to recall your face, the image that comes to my mind is the stupid black and white photo and the image of you lying in the coffin!!! I hate myself for not having an alive image of you!! Do you know that when I saw you in the coffin, I told myself that that was not you?? It didn't even look like you!!! They must have found someone who looks just a little like you and tried to pass it off as you!!

I still can't believe that you are actually, gone, forever, and that I will never be able to hear your voice, hear your laughter, hear your stupid sarcastic, act smart comments, ride with you on your bike, sit in your car, talk to you!!!! Charles........... Do you know how much I miss you and long to just talk to you one more time?? Just one more time, at least let me say good bye...... I really wished that you were here........................

SingaporeMacross SG

Trust in God. He is always there.

jOhO SG

it's not about whether he is there or not. he may have left us for a better place but then he's still there in ur heart. i believe if u talk to him in ur dreams, while u're unhappy, when u ned advice and even online here in the forums he will hear u... because he is that near, in your heart. i'm not talking like he's God or watever, but a person close to your heart need not be close to you in person. there's a link because he's in you and you're in him.

also i have a need to reassure you that there are other pple who are still with u on this earth, and care for you too. while charles will always hold a special place in your heart, you will also well to let other pple who also truly care for you in as well.

please take care ok? Wink

~Or|oS|s~ SG

thanks........ but i've drifted too far from Him

~Or|oS|s~ SG

i will take care but it realli hurts to noe that he is gone forever......
sigh......... read the next note.........

~Or|oS|s~ SG

Dear Charles,

Why is it that I cannot feel you? Why is it that people say that when loved ones die and we need them, they will be around, either as angels or just around and we can feel it but since your death, no matter how hard I try, I cannot feel you?? Are you angry with me?? Or have you gone the other way?? But I refuse to believe that you've gone the other way!! You of all people don't deserve it!!

If you have really gone the other way, is it my fault?? It is all because of that stupid promise I made when I was not in the right mind?? But why??? If only I had not wanted to kill myself on the 14th of Aug, if only I had not promised the devil an addition to hell, if only I had not changed my mind, then you would have lived!!! And I would be the one dead and in hell which is what was suppose to have been!!!

Can I switch places with you?? You would not have waste the last 6 years the way that I did! I screwed up my life and you would naver have done that!! You were suppose to get married!! I should have been the one who died!! I made the decision to die, I made the promise to Satan, but why did I have to change my mind?? I deserve to die more than you do!

Charles, how exactly did you die?? How exactly did your bike skid? What were you avoiding?? Till now, they still can't find the cause of your death, what did you see?? Is it because the devil was angry that I had changed my mind and so he decided to send something to distract you and make you skid?? What did you see that made you skid and die??? It was a safe stretch of road!! How could it have been possible??

Why did you choose to ride your bike that day?? You have a car!! Why did you not drive? you were suppose to meet your fiance right? Why ride? I know you drank before that but I know that you were sober when you got onto your bike!! Why must you insist on getting the number plate 4 for your bikes when you know what negative meanings it has?? Why???

Why did you appear in Flossie's dream and not mine? Why did you tell her that you were suffering? Was it to tell me that I really caused you to go to hell? But why didn't you just haunt me?? I would give anything to switch places with you, I would give anything to have you come alive again, why must it be this way? Is this the devil's way of torturing me for the rest of my life because I broke my promise? But I cannot take it, I really cannot take it........

Charles, if you have really gone the other way, how can I get to you?? Does it mean that I have to beg the devils to help me pass notes to you too? Is it possible for you to tell me in any way? Can you please appear in my dreams? I really want to see your face again........ I really want to hear your voice again......... I really miss you so much...... I just want to know how you are now, where you are, what you're doing......... Why can't I just know? Charles, please don't do this to me, you promised me that you would be there for me, you promised! Please just let me know that you are in Heaven, I really need to know... Please forgive me for doing this to you, you know that I would give anything to have you back alive......... Please.................

~Or|oS|s~ SG

Charles... ...

I want to apologize for being so worked up yesterday, it's just that I really feel guilty for your death... ... Your death was like a nuclear bomb that was dropped right smack into my face... ... ... ... ... ...

I have a lot to say, a lot to tell you, 6 years' worth but I can't just dump everything onto you now, I've caused you enough... ... I will always remember what you said, I may not remember your face as it was when you were alive but I will always remember your words... ... You were and are the only one who trully understood me, was it because you were 15 years older than me? Maybe, most likely... ...

I injured my knee in Sec 4, do you know? And I used the crutches you used when you injured your knee also... ... Remember the time you were explaining the procedures of your operation? I told you that I understood what you were saying but in actual fact I did not understand a single word you were saying... ... It was only when I injured my own knee that I understood what you were talking about... You injured your left knee right? I injured my right, ligament also... Guess it's fate... ...

Your father drives your car now, or rather he was driving your car when I last saw and when I looked into the car, the forever friends bear I gave you was thrown into the back seat, not at the hand break where you left it. Actually I had wanted to take it after your funeral but Flossie told me not to. She told me to leave it there so you could find it in case you came back but I think now I can go take it right? At least then I will have something that represents what was between us... ...

Remember the Minnie Mouse top you gave me? It was the only thing you ever gave me just like the FF bear was my ony present to you... Well, I was upset that time when I found out that it was actually bought for your girlfriend and you only gave me because you had broken up with her and I happened to need a top. Because I was upset, I did not wear it much... And because I did not wear it much, my mum gave it away!! I was SO pissed off with her because she had not asked for my permission before giving it away... I was so pissed I think I didn't talk to her for a few days...

Remember your birthday? I wore a pair of red jeans, and a mid-riff top with a red checked long sleeved top and you wore a pair of blue jeans and a blue checked top? We like SO flipped when we found out we were dressed so similiar! Ha ha... That was one day! All because of your one U2 shirt we had to ride all around Singapore just to get it, what a way of celebrating your birthday! But I will never forget it... ... Never... ...

I still remember your comment about me walking in heels... "There are people who walk better in high heels that you." Well, I didn't say anything then but like hello?? I was only 15?? The people you knew were probably like 20+? How could you compare?

I also remember you explaining why the FF bear was back facing up and had its shirt lifted up... ... Will never forget the reasoning you gave me, was so touched... ... Smile It was the morning you sent me to Chinese High for my sports meet on your way to work after I stayed over... Still remember you made me sleep on the couch! You creep! Didn't even offer me the bed! But you tucked me in, so it was ok.. Ha ha...

Charles, I seem milder today, not reprimanding you, not blaming you, at least not seriously, but that's maybe because I am tired... ... I really miss you,miss your voice, miss your laughter, miss your company...

I still remember what you said: "I'm sure you will be able to find someone who will be able to understand you better than me." Well, the truth is that up till now I have yet to find someone who can understand me better than you do, maybe that is why I am missing you more, because I just broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year 5 months precisely because he did not understand me... You know that the most important thing to me is that my boyfriend/husband understands me... And yet... ... Sigh... ...

How I wish that I could talk to you again... I have forgotten how you sound like! How could I?! Sigh... ... Ok, I should stop sighing because I remember you said that I sigh too much... ... How I wished that I could just see you, talk to you, hear you laugh just one more time, just once... ... But I know that it can never happen, you are gone forever... And it's really forever, no matter how hard I pray, no matter how much I wished, you won't come back... How I wish I had talked to you more, how I wish I had gone out with you more, how I wish I had spent more time with you, how I wish I had listened to you more... ... How I wish, how I wish, how I wish... ... ... ...

Transmission SG

Crying or Very sad

~Or|oS|s~ SG

Crying or Very sad

ratinacage SG

incest…...

ratinacage SG

and underaged too.... Crying or Very sad