I am feeling very depressed for the past few days.
I have a very strong feeling I am going to get either stroke or
stomache cancer. Very strong feeling. Can't explain it. My knee cap
gave way for the first time, after I was just trying hard not to
take longer than usual to complete my usual jog. Limb Numbness
alway greets me when I wake up from sleep. My body is really
disappointing me.
I went to contact my insurance agent whom I have not met for years.
It was a pleasant meeting. I will look for him again latest by next
week tp upgrade my insurance coverage.
These few days I have been thinking hard.
Why am I working so hard? So that I have money to pay for my
hospital bill when I come to a stage where I live to suffer the
humiliation of not making to the toilet in time. Or having to
breathe and eat thru tubes? No way I want to reach this stage. I
want to die young and let insurance pay my wife.
What am I going to tell my youngest brother, whom I really hate
bcoz he really hurt me 3 years ago? I forgive him, or will never
ever forgive him? Or I dun even want to see him at my death
bed?
What can I tell before I die? My beautiful stories of have
travelled and seen a lot, or my entire life's regrets that I failed
to live my dream?
I...I really dun want to leave you all. But I find that living such
a meaningless life is really a waste...I have been visited by a
very large brown butterfly at night recently. It was looking for
me. Last week, my dogs torn away the wings and I threw it out of
the window. Its back again, with wings like new. Is it telling me
its time for me to go to the netherworlds? Suddenly I felt like
leaving everything behind and go...
Dear all, if I were to leave suddenly, my wife will follow my will
and declare thru this account. I have no regrets being a P-member,
being Troy437.
