We are both in the 30s. We went out occasionally and msg each
other at times during the first 4 mths and 1 fine day, he asked if
we can go into a relationship. As I’m not those who will easily go
into a relationship with someone, I took some time to consider
before accepting his request. Of cos I did recap on the
things
he did, he is filial and other factors which I thought we can try
out and understand each other more.
I really feel happy when we went official and he is sweet to sms
me to wake up daily, update me some of his daily activities, asked
if i have taken my meals, etc. Basically, he shared with me things
which I consider silly but I don’t mind. My mind is thinking of him
though I’m at work and I feel blessed. Sometimes I will buy his
favourite snacks for him and cheer him up whenever he faces
challenges at work. During his update of his daily activities, I
know that he likes to run as an exercise to keep fit. He runs
before going to work and run after work. Wkends will also go
running in the morning and evening. We went out a few times after
being official during wkend afternoon time frame and we also sms
each other at night after he finished his run and before he goes to
sleep. He slept very early..can be 9pm-10pm.
One fine day, he went into silent. I’m not sure what has
happened to him and I’m worried. I tried to sms him few times and
call him but he didn’t pick up. He just replied with sms that he is
fine and will be ok after few days. On and off, I still sms him and
ask if anything happen to him or his family and need any help. He
will just reply dun worry. Silent after 4-5 days, he finally sms
that he is sorry for keeping silent. I was trying to ask what
exactly happen but he just say “move on” and dun be a spoilt radio
so I keep mum.
I do not know what can cause a man to go into silent for so long.
From his sms to me after moving on, it seems that his mum is having
a persistent cough for few wks and not getting better after
visiting the doctor twice. Hence, I shared with him some remedies
to cure the cough and eventually it should help because he never
mentioned about his mum’s cough anymore though I asked how’s his
mum now and he never reply. From this incident, I understand that
he belongs to those who will not say anything if he doesn’t want to
but I somehow feel that he doesn’t share with me his probs though
I’m his gf.
I started to find out that he is a hard core runner as time
passed. He will run in the morning before going to work, run during
lunch time NOW and run after work.
He started to sms me lesser during wkdays. He will tell me that
he is tired after the running and go to sleep and we never have
chance to interact much after work on wkdays. Most of the couples
went out during weekends and I know that he is a poor planner as he
commented that things may change even though well planned. I
accepted the fact that he is an ad hoc person and I would suggest
the place to go to on a particular wkend 1-2 days before. However,
he can comment that he is very tired after the running on that
actual day and need to cancel the outing. I commented that he
really runs too much and whether he has enough energy to handle
other things and his reply was that’s why he needs ample rest after
running (indirectly telling me no time for me…?). On another
occasion which I did not mention anywhere to go, he will tell me
his eye is swollen due to flies getting into his eye while he is
running the night before. I was thinking there goes my outing with
him again. Somehow, I feel that out wkends outings are due to
running and other excuses. He will still goes running with his
swollen eyes!
He went into silent on a 2nd occasion which I don’t know why it
happens again. I asked him but as usual, he ignore again. I started
to think our relationship why it turns out in this manner. Is there
anything I have done wrong which causes this withdrawal symptoms
from him? I apologize to him if I say or done anything wrong and
ask him to move on. He replied me the next day with a smiley face.
However, frankly speaking, I still do not know what I have done
wrong. I saw a poster which states “Apologizing to the person
doesn’t mean you are wrong and the person is right, it shows that
you value the relationship more than the person”. I think this
statement is quite useful and I believe nobody is perfect and we
both have different backgrounds. Each relationship needs both
parties to compromise each other and understand each other. If I
can just give in and he is happy, I don’t mind to say sorry. We
went back to normal days with the limited sms daily and no outings
on wkends. Either raining, running too tired or I went overseas for
holidays.
The official lasted for 3 months and he is very well planned for
his running activities but never plan for our activities. I tried
to ask him out for a meal so that we can talk to each other face to
face but he never reply. I’m at the cross road, should I continue
such an unhealthy relationship or I should persevere? I learn that
he has a very bad temper and a MCP. His relationship
with his family is also not good and he seldom trust pple. After
much consideration, I have decided to break up with him. I wanted
to face to face to tell him how I have been feeling the past 1
month but he never want to meet me. He will just sms me. Therefore,
in the end, I just sms him that we shall end this relationship. He
just replied with a sad smiley face. Frankly speaking, I’m not sure
if he is sad or happy.
I’m now at the healing stage. I admit I do miss him else I won’t
have posted this. He has other good points but the problem is he
doesn’t give me a chance to interact with him properly. He doesn’t
trust pple easily and he trust his running world more than his
family. A relationship without proper communication is a failure. I
rather he “bark” at me when he is unhappy at least I know what he
is thinking…..
His running
obsession may appears to be an innocent hobby, but it is likely to
be symbolic expression of an avoidance attachment type and/or
desire to remain in comfort zone. He might have personal issues
which he is afraid of diverging; that itself is already a difficult
process for any relationship to proceed further.
Running is a highly individualize activity; you do not require
anyone to do it with you technically. Hence, a core problem lies
with the need for too much 'me' time and too little 'we' time in a
non-negotiable manner.
One cannot choose to love deeply and still be invulnerable. The
very act of loving would naturally implore us to open up internally
and subject ourselves to a mix quantity of pain and pleasure.
During the time when he 'suddenly' go MIA, he is probably
contemplating if he should end the relationship. Selfish as it
might be, his lack of reasonable explanation for his behavior is a
likely indicator that he is not willing to make the choice to
terminate the relationship but resort to 'push factors' to drive
you away, insofar that you would make the choice to end it instead.
Therefore, ending the relationship on your side might be mere
formality.
P.S: At this juncture, what
you need is probably a man - not a boy that runs away (both
literally and metaphorically) the minute the reality of his
relationship confronts him. 
Cheers
