I've been with my bf for around 1 year.
We used to hang out together very frequently, like almost
everyday. However we're both on attachment this sem,
working in different companies. Recently, he has been getting
closer to the group of interns in his company. They have outings
like once or twice every week. And he also has tuition on two days
a week. Thus I'm not able to meet his as frequently as I used to. I
don't like him hanging out with the group of friends he made during
his attachment, as I feel that he's already seeing them at work
every single day, why does he still have to meet them after work
every single week? We've argued about this before. He said that he
needed a balance between friends, family, and gf. So we agreed that
he'll have one day with friends, two days tuition, and the rest for
me and family. However, recently he's been starting to hang
out a little more frequently with that group of
friends. To me, it feels
like he's meeting them so often cause he enjoys spending time with
his friends more than with me, it feels like he doesn't want to
meet me as much as I want to meet him.
Over the past 1 year, we've quarrelled a lot, mostly cold wars
that last a few days, up to a week. And for most of them, I had to
start talking to him first, he hardly approach me first (making it
seem like he doesn't care). Also, we've 'broken up' quite a
few times over small issues over the past 1 year together,
and they were all initiated by me. Whenever I initiated a
break up, he would just let me go. Yes, I know it's my
fault, but if he cared, wouldn't he have tried to salvage
the relationship?
I don't see a future with this guy, but I don't want to
end the relationship now, partially because we hang out in
the same clique in school, and I'm afraid that things would be
awkward. And also because I still have feelings for
him. :/
hi emzy,
i feel that in all relationships there will be a point where
some amount of monotony sets in. i suppose the common term used wud
be the honeymoon period. usually after that happens either party
will start moving into their comfort zones which seems like a
possibility in yer case.
as you said your need is to basically "want him to want you as
much as you want him". but i feel that it doesnt really work that
way. more like "u offer what u feel comfortable with and he offers
what he feels he is comfortable with." not so much a dollar for a
dollar.
You could also be trying to ascertain your place of importance
in his life. Basically you should be ranked higher than his frens
and rightly so. In essence you are rationalising that since he
prefers to spend more time with his friends therefore that ranking
has dropped and you feel a need to enforce that ranking. it maybe
that u unconciously used the breakup card to enforce that as well
but unfortunately yer partner did not bite.
i think its important to highlight a possibility. Whilst it may
seem to you that its you vs his frens. it could actually be you vs
his way of life. before he met you did he spend alot of time going
out wif frens? u will need to make yer own judgement it cud also be
what validation said that he is ‘flirting’ with his other
colleagues. only you know best.
as fer using the 'breakup' card. its better not to use it unless
u really mean it. to answer yer question "but if he cared, wouldn't
he have tried to salvage the relationship?" it is possible that he
can see yer intention...in which case it will backfire as it shows
immaturity. used too often it borders on irritating much like how
sometimes parents nags their children.
i understand that the feeling of a pay cut from 24/7 being the
lovey dovey couple is very different to when the passion has
settled abit. it cud also be that u want the honeymoon period to
last longer.
all things said a relationship is to share in being a part of
each others life and the balance between how much "a part" actually
means should be carefully negotiated. This is usually the reason
for initial "fights".
this is merely an opinion so please consider other possiblities
from validation or other forumners..best of luck 
