Big ego kills relationships?

becalm SG

Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.

So fed up. Now I'm dreaming ~~~~ if that guy had a bit of respecttttt then I would have become a happy girl with a 5cs guy and a fine personality and we could live happily ever afer. Weeee ~~~ dreaming~~~~LOL

[imdestinyz] SG

Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.

lol... the weather is just too suitable for that right!

highlands SG

Have you ever failed in your relationship or killed a potential one due to a problem with your ego or your SO's ego?

I've read a lot of posts that got to do with this and I also can relate to it so just wanted to ask you guys for your experience and thoughts so...probably I can avoid or handle it better.

I think we all know that for many people, due to the inclination to defend oneself and self-centredness, they'd rather let their potential or current relationship die down than admit their faults or do something that they are afraid will shoot down their ego.

Let's say...

You like someone but you don't dare to tell him/her due to the fear of rejection. Hence you'd hold back but keep asking yourself if that person likes you or not or...waiting for the golden moment that may never come. It'd be pathetic if that person also has the same fear of failure.

Or someone likes you, you reject them at first or tell them you are not sure of your feelings yet but later you find out you share the same feeling but you don't want to "lose face" so instead of taking action, you just hope or try to give some extremely "subtle" hints and wait for them to go back to you and woo/confess to you again...that eventually never happens because that person doesn't get to know how you feel and he/she decides to move on.

Or you like someone but you don't really let it show because you don't want to appear needy/desperate, so you keep sending mixed signals that confuse them and make them tired of waiting, so they give chance to someone else who is more daring and aggressive.

Or if you're in a relationship, because of the temptation to always be the one who wins, you don't really listen to your partner but want them to listen to you all the time and hardly admit your faults. As a results, almost your conversations end up with you taking the power of a winner and your partner feeling uncared, unloved that leads to her/his resentment and in the end the relationship doesn't work out.

I learned this lesson before and now I'm having problems with a bloated ego person and still thinking how to handle the situation.

What about you guys? Do you think you have big ego or seeing someone with big ego? Is it true that ego and love are enemies?

I just think, the ability to drop one's ego is really necessary for a healthy relationship. You only can truly love yourself and the other person if you can let go of your ego when need be. Speaking as a girl, I really think that letting go of ego doesn't make someone less than a man but makes him more mature and attractive.

me guilty. always desperate for compliments to boost my ego ;))

highlands SG

Yes, that, RESPECT! self respect and respect for the other person.

u dreaming about me? i have a very decent personality and a loaded pocket but wat a pity i already have a gf ;)

highlands SG

ok here a true story cause u reminded me of this guy.

he got looks, money, everything, well, u call it 5cs. I used to like him when i still thought he is a good guy. But gradually I realized he thought I was crazy for those trashy things, that he is sooooo desirable and got me around his little fingers like any other girls he can have anytime anywhere. I lost my interest gradually then feelings finally faded completely. But he was too self conceited to even realize that. Then one day he asked me to be his gf but his way was like hey girl, u r so damn lucky, I'm asking u to be my gf but I know it's you who want me. I'm a god's gift. You must be proud. Then ding dong, I rejected him. You know what happened to his ego afterward. So lame guys like that don't spend time to invest in their personalities instead. They are actually so insecure that they don't think a girl can like them for who they really are.

true. when it comes to rs, guys of high class often have almost any girl they want but their biggest insecurity is the girls around them always go for money, or sex and what not.

let's not talk about how wealthy you are or tell them you got bankrupted, then they will run away. let's say there are 100 girls after you. when you tell them that, often 97 gone, only 3 left. one is if you provide good sex, she'd stay for it, another is who willing to wait until you grow some money, but if she sees no progress, then bye...forever. the last one is who truly loves you, even when you remain penniless like forever, she'll be there to support you, help you to get back to your feet, she will be the cheer leader for you. She even sacrifies her will for you. She is definitely a keeper, but this is a super rare creature in this day and age.

becalm SG

lol... the weather is just too suitable for that right!

hahahaha yes!!!!

becalm SG

me guilty. always desperate for compliments to boost my ego ;))

Me guilty sometimes too. But I don't need to fish for compliments from others. Just look into a mirror and I'd be happy enough LOL.

becalm SG

u dreaming about me? i have a very decent personality and a loaded pocket but wat a pity i already have a gf ;)

Thanks but no thanks. I also got someone already ok.

becalm SG

true. when it comes to rs, guys of high class often have almost any girl they want but their biggest insecurity is the girls around them always go for money, or sex and what not.

It took you how many girls to realize this?

BadzMaro SG

It's hard not to have an ego when u have high self-confidence and actually have the skills and all that stuff to back it up u know. But I admit, sometimes one will feel as if all is good and under control, but when it comes to relationships, that is not always the case.

A person with too much ego tends to focus alot on his self, achievements and how others percieve him in this material and competitive world, and therefore take the girl for granted, thinking that showering her with gifts will be sufficient and that one can make it up after. Its a hard balancing exercise. Sometimes, you just have to learn things the hard way.

Especially when you lose someone only to realise just actually how important that someone is to you.

MIMI the Garfield cat SG

Three-words-to-ruin-a-womans-eg0[1]

BadzMaro SG

lol

highlands SG

It took you how many girls to realize this?

lots of nsa and such till i can't remember, 2 committed rs and 1 almost broken heart.

highlands SG

But I admit, sometimes one will feel as if all is good and under control, but when it comes to relationships, that is not always the case.

Especially when you lose someone only to realise just actually how important that someone is to you.

thing is when something bad going to happen or happened, oversized ego people often can realize somehow but just not willing to let go of their ego to fight for their happiness and usually leave it to the other person to make all the moves. and then when the other person decides to move on, they will think, let it be, he or she doesn't love me enough. it means they will tend to blame it all on the other person or try to find a lame excuse to cover up their mistake or to back up their decision to not go for what they want at that point of time, like, lots of fishes in the sea ;).

true that it often takes a super duper lot of effort to get out of that shell. like you said, especially when one loses someone only to realize just how important that someone is to you. but if one really can let their ego aside when needed, even if they almost lost someone already, they can always win back the person if they truly accept their mistake and willing to fix it.

i think ts gave a point thats spot on when she said girls actually find it attractive and will really appreciate the guys effort to contribute to the rs which rarely happens in a rs that the girl is usually taken for granted. that way, for people in generall is already appreciated, but for people with huge ego, their significant other will be even more touched because it indicates that the guy really cares for them.

BadzMaro SG

I also fell into the trap of how what u said, I started to think that it just means she does not love me enough, still many fishes out there and that she is the one that will lose out and not me, which is kinda true depending on which angle you look from.

Most of the time it is because of the ego. Damn you ego !! Had to step out of my self-absorbed, self-confident and comfort zone to actually realise how in the girls P.O.V that you just... need be that much more caring eh.

highlands SG

deleted for good :")

becalm SG

i have gone through exactly the same path. since i didn't want anyone else to fall into the same trap as me, let me share with u my story. it can be long.

it was the biggest turmoil in my love life i have to say, not merely because of the issue with the girl who is my gf now, but downs to the whole thing with my self absorption and bloated ego. she actually helped me to understand better about myself by her honesty, sincerity and oh well pretty strong pesonality inside a very loving heart. when she decided to walk away from me, my ego took a big hit, especially when she stayed so calm and cool while i expected to see her desperately want me back. i kept waiting and hoping that she will soon realize what she is losing and will come back to me. so i ignored her too, highly focused on my work, i was even so confident that i still go out almost every night, check out girls and stuff though i couldn't seem to take her out of my mind. my excuses were, i can get any girl i want, why shuld i give me headache for this one girl. then, i love my freedom, being with her i will have to sacrifice it. then, if she loves me, she will come back eventually. 1 month, 2 month, 3 month, another month past, i didn't hear from her. no contact at all. i could only check her out in whatsapp. her statuses were all good so it's clueless. i started to think, never mind, she doesn't love me enough, she isn't worth my time. but those excuses weren't so convincing. despite my busy schedule, despite meeting lots of other hot chicks, my loneliness was still killing me and the more girls i met, the stronger i believed i would never meet someone like her again. i started to consider things more carefully, read over and over again her emails, texts, whatsapps msgs and all which were full of her sincere love and care for me. even when she knew i was some jerk playing with girls for fun, she told me as long as i love her, she would never wish to track back my past but she still has to let go of me because of my insincerity, that i was using her like any other girls. damn it. i didn't take her words seriously when she suddenly wanted to pull away. yes damn my ego, i didnt give her any explanation at all. i thought that way i respect her decision. that way i don't look desperate. that way i saved my dignity. that way she will feel regret for losing me out. i was cool, like an idiot, but i thought i was a hero. i was even so proud of myself for that. i thouht i would easily find someone else perhaps better than her with my ability, my money and all...

it took me almost five months of no contact to finally wake up, and took up all the courage, stepped out of my full self to contact her, ready to accept the possibility that she has already moved on cause somewhat i still had a thought that she doesn't love me enough to hold onto me. when i called her, she was cool at first. i mean she talked to me like a friend, she wasn't cold or tried to avoid me. but she was confusing too, she made it hard to understand her thinking but i didn't give up. i asked her out and luckily she agreed. that evening, it's awkward at first but then we managed to resolve all misunderstandings and it was really only for the better. now being together we had ups and downs. but i never once regreted for giving that ego killing revolution a try.

let me reveal to you something from a girl's pov based on what my gf shared with me honestly.

here are the tricks.

u think she doesn't love you enough.

but it's actually u are the one who doesn't love her enough or doesn't show her or let her know how u feel about her. remember, normally a girl would never be the one who initiates break-up/let go of a so-called perfect guy. if she initiates that, it's either 1. she is very sincere and loves you but her affection is not reciprocated by u or you make her think that way so she has no choice but to let go. 2. she is sincere but u two are not compatible. 3 she really doesn't love you enough, she finds someone better so she nexts u.

u thnk she is the one who loes out and there r lots of fishes out there.

this is relative. i don't know the girl in your case so i don't comment. but i think love isn't a war to have losing-winning parties. u say u are self confident, you have skills and stuff, so i guess the girl u were attracted to should denifitely have something special about her. so she would have lots of choices too. thus don't say it's her losing out, it may be u who knows?

and yes there are lots of fishes but each fish is different. sometimes what u are looking for is actually something u already lost. the love you crave for is some love you can have with that someone you pushed away. you never try you never know. elimiating your ego to some extent is not as hard as u think. i only feel very much happier now that i did throw away my ego that day and found ways to get back to my gf. seriously i would never change my mind about her. i actually asked her what if i had not cntacted her again during that time, she told me she was missing me a lot but she didn't contact me, not because she had any ego issue like me, but because she wanted to see if i was really sincere about her, she even gave herself a timeline lol. so if i had not contacted her again in a given time, she would accept the truth that i was never serious about her and really have to move on. but she was also honest and i trust it that she will move on happily. that's what i also adore about her.

so u know, i would never had such answers and happy life with a great gf now if i insisted on keeping my ego in a safe box.

if u think u still have chance to get back with the girl. think about it. it's really not that hard. but of couse, if you really have feefings for the girl.

good luck mate.

Cool story ;)

becalm SG

We girls are like that. A girl often needs to be constantly assured that the guy likes her. Many girls will take neglect, distance, hot and cold behaviors as signs of being uninterested/losing interest so we move on. But looks like most guys don't read into it that way, so when the girl becomes distant too and moves on, the guy will most likely wonder what he has done wrong and tells himself it's just that the girl isn't that into him which isn't true but the way around to most girls :)

We know what is wrong yet we still can't manage to step out of our comfort zone, this happens to girls too!

[imdestinyz] SG

because sometimes the guys gets the feeling that the girls likes the guys to "know" without them telling... but sometimes we just cant... this is just the same as when girls say they dont understand guys

BadzMaro SG

i have gone through exactly the same path. since i didn't want anyone else to fall into the same trap as me, let me share with u my story. it can be long.

let me reveal to you something from a girl's pov based on what my gf shared with me honestly.

here are the tricks.

u think she doesn't love you enough.

u thnk she is the one who loes out and there r lots of fishes out there.

so u know, i would never had such answers and happy life with a great gf now if i insisted on keeping my ego in a safe box.

if u think u still have chance to get back with the girl. think about it. it's really not that hard. but of couse, if you really have feefings for the girl.

good luck mate.

Looks like you got yourself all worked out pretty well there. Good on you.

I remember I used to say that you will only know love when you have lost it, so I suppose it can apply to your situation.

I do meet other girls, but I am trying to figure out whether I am being objective and looking at the whole thing without any emotional bias or not. The problem is that we will compare, no matter how hard we try not to. Comparing these girls we meet with our ex. No doubt they are different, but sometimes I just feel that the settings are the same, but the main actress is always different. It's hard not to compare, and such comparison alone makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing or not. Or is it the ego again... messing with my head.

No doubt that I may be losing out, but there is always that thought that there will be a better next one that will come along, or so I think. Cause this kind of thing is just too hard to tell. Or maybe, every gf I had was actually an ex that I have lost. lol.

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