I screwed things up. How do I reconnect with her?

crazyheart SG

Hello there everyone!

I would appreciate if you guys can hear me out and give me serious advice.

I met up with this girl through a mutual friend. She was looking for a job in my industry so my friend introduced her to me. We met up for the second time with only two of us about a week later when she said she needed some advice and it felt pretty comfortable as if we had known each other for quite some time already. Then ever since she would text or whatsapp me for the same reason that she needs advice but often stroke conversations further to things other than her job seeking issue. She is a very witty and smart girl, she came across as a little shy too but she showed quite an obvious interest in me and gave me a lot of attention but in a really charming way that turned me on big time and I was never tired of chatting with her. She got a decent job two months later and asked me out for a drink to say thanks but I had to turn her down because I was busy running an important project. I promised her to make up for it when I am more free but it never happened. Though I realzied I started to have some feelings for her and wanted to know more about her, I was not ready for a relationship back then so I never asked her out but leaving all the work to her and just see how it goes.

About a month ago, when we were chatting via whatsapp, she asked me all of a sudden if I ever think of her as a friend. I said yes but to my surprise, she said she doesn't. I was stunned but I knew what was going to come. As predicted, she told me she was afraid she has fallen for me and she couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She said she just felt much better by letting me know so I don't need to think too much about it cause she knows I only consider her as a friend. Actually I was deeply touched by her confession and I do like her a lot but I had many questions running in my head. I was like, what does this wonderful girl like about me? Can I completely trust someone else after my ex girlfriend left me for another guy? Am I ready to give this a try? And so any other stupid questions...I ended up screwing things up by telling her about my ex girlfriend and that I find it hard to trust anyone again, that even though it's been two years but I couldn't let go of my ex girlfriend yet because we used to have a great relationship. I made a big mistake I know but it's like I wasn't myself in front of her, I just couldn't control myself when I told her all that. Though she told me it's fine because she didn't expect anything anyway and that let's just leave it behind and get back to normal but I know I hurt her feelings utterly.

She stopped contacting me ever since. It's been a month and I really miss her. I realized I no longer have flashback of my ex girlfriend. The only girl I think about now is her. She is the girl I think about every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. She is so special. She is so different from the other girls around me. She made me think she likes me for who I am. I really adore her sincere way of showing her affection for me. But I didn't realize how much I like her until now. I miss her texts, miss chatting with her, I was happier with her. I really miss her.

Now I wanted to ask her out but don't know how to start. I'm afraid she has already moved on and I have no chance. I am also the type who has hard time expressing my own feelings so this has been killing me. I really don't know what to do now to reconnect with her, ask her out, let her know how I trully feel about her.

I really need serious advice. I'd highly appreciate.

Cheers

SJS6638 SG

Don't panic, be natural and cool. Since you have told her you will make up for it then just tell her you are free to go out with her. Whether she has moved on or not you will know it when you meet up with her.

Be a man, will you?

FireIce SG

just tell her your feelings now.

if relli meant to be, then she will still be available (and still have feelings for u)

if not meant to be, then move on

crazyheart SG

Be a man, will you?

I know what I've done wrong and really wanted to see her, talk to her again.

But I really do have hard time expressing my feelings. I just don't know how to talk to her and let her know how I feel. I know you guys will say don't sweat it but it's just how I am. Whenever I picked up my phone trying to text her, I'd just end up giving up. It sucks I know ~~ sigh

crazyheart SG

just tell her your feelings now.

if relli meant to be, then she will still be available (and still have feelings for u)

if not meant to be, then move on

I'm afraid even if she still has feelings for me, she won't let it show because of what I've said.

Uraniumfish SG

Ask if she wants to take a shower with you.

Haonanren12345 SG

"She stopped contacting me ever since. It's been a month and I really miss her. I realized I no longer have flashback of my ex girlfriend. The only girl I think about now is her. She is the girl I think about every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. She is so special. She is so different from the other girls around me. She made me think she likes me for who I am. I really adore her sincere way of showing her affection for me. But I didn't realize how much I like her until now. I miss her texts, miss chatting with her, I was happier with her. I really miss her.“

I tell You what..

1st give Yourself 2 tight slaps and then wake up from being a PUSSY.

If You still cannot wake up from being a PUSSY, chop off Your PENIS.

If You still cannot BE A MAN, go jump off from the building.

JelloPoop SG

I know what I've done wrong and really wanted to see her, talk to her again.

I know you guys will say don't sweat it but it's just how I am. Whenever I picked up my phone trying to text her, I'd just end up giving up. It sucks I know ~~ sigh

YOLO!!!!!!!!!!

You Only Live Once!!!!!

And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell that girl what you feel??? YOLOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FireIce SG

restart a conversation

start from small talk and see how it can proceed from there

MIMI the Garfield cat SG

JelloPoop SG

otacon SG

dun think u screw up cos u nvr did anything wrong. u could start to reconnect with her n start by chatting with her again on whatsapp. i dun think she will forget u so fast n easily, u shld b able to tell from her replies (if she reply u). just take things slow n easy. afterall, u wun lose anything if she does not give u a chance but just dun give up easily

speakoutfor SG

I think you screwed up big time. If there is a girl I like, she confess her feelings to me, gosh i will purposely smooch her on the spot. What a big waste. It is not everyday that a girl you like, would confess her feelings for you.

You already got her on a silver platter and you started babbling about your ex?

If I were you, I bed her first then babble about my ex.

I dunno man. Maybe you still got a shot at her. Call her again, ask her how is she. If her response is ok, ask her out again. But be ready for rejection. Girls got expiry dates one.

Do it now, don't procastinate. The longer you wait, the more your chances are slipping away.

jojobeach SG

Please learn to speak your mind. And yes, stop being a pussy.

Tell her you are now officially OVER your ex , and ready to move on . ( and make sure you MEAN it, girls can tell when a guy is lying about his ex)

Ask her if she is still interested to meet up with you after work.

If she is not taken by another man, offer to pick her up from work and buy her dinner !

If she reject, slap yourself silly and cry yourself to sleep, tomorrow is a new day.

BadzMaro SG

Give her a call. Don't apologise or whatever. Just ask her out for some coffee or drinks. If she hesitates, tell her that you are just asking to see how she is and that she should come out for a drink.

U have to restart the friendship again. So u have to be that person when she first met, and not the person after u talked to her about your ex. Dont repeat the mistake you made.

MIMI the Garfield cat SG

becalm SG

Hello there everyone!

I would appreciate if you guys can hear me out and give me serious advice.

I really need serious advice. I'd highly appreciate.

Cheers

I'd suggest you to ask her out. Texts and whatsapp are nice but not a proper way to show your sincerity when it comes to speak out one's feelings to the other person, especially to an honest and smart girl like her, so you told. Trust me, many girls would find that a big turn-off, but they just don't tell you so. She had the courage to tell you how she feels and asked you out, I guess she would expect the same direct communication from you, which actually you didn't do wrong given your feelings and confusion at that point of time. However, now that you got a clear picture of what has been in your mind, don't wait any longer, return her what she deserves. If you contact her again, and she is still interested (this will give you a headache to figure out I'm sure), don't treat her like a mind reader, or she will be very soon tired and move on quickly before you even realize.

Now, I'd suggest you a different approach then other have suggested, don't take it too slow. She already confessed her feelings to you, it isn't neccessary to start from zero, you can always resume what has been left the last time you talked to her, just 1. Watch out the way you open and develop conversations to the direction that you wish to. It's not that hard to stay calm if you let aside the fear of rejection (I see it in your post). 2. Do it face to face, see the sparks in her eyes, the smile on her lips, the red on her cheeks, the tears on her face, show her the true feelings written on your face and well, your body language too.

Other already said it all, you only live once, why the heck there to fear? It's love, like, feelings, it's not a crime! A girl can be so brave, don't make her think you're not even as half as brave and strong as her. From what you described her, I believe she has her standard too (even high standard), I'm speaking of personality.

So, do it now or living in regrets. If I was her, I'll move on and find another guy real soon.

Good luck.

j.a.o.g

FireIce SG

ok, so i just need to read the bolds rite?

so what are the rest for?

becalm SG

ok, so i just need to read the bolds rite?

so what are the rest for?

haha, do as you wish. But for someone who needs to be 'bold' like him, I'm just doing him a favour, show him how to be 'bold'. OK? :)

Yunhaier SG

Hello there everyone!

I would appreciate if you guys can hear me out and give me serious advice.

I really need serious advice. I'd highly appreciate.

Cheers

Personally, I don't think you dealt serious damage, though you probably made her go through one round of emotional rollercoaster, especially since she plucked the courage to confess but the response from you wasn't encouraging. You could start small again: with great chats and gradually proceed with initiated dates from you. However, to ease the awkwardness, you might want to surface your intention that you want to know her better as a friend willingly and see if that picks up.

But caution my friend as rejection isn't an easy feeling to deal with. She might hesitate to proceed forward despite your favorable cue because she also has been wounded by you in varying degree. So you would need to move more to cover terrain that has been decimated by you, in addition to the areas you need to reach before a relationship could manifest. Hence, if you have decide to pursue this option, you would naturally need to be more rejection resistant and yet be mindful of proceeding in a comfortable pace.

Momentum and effort is key; hence, I would like to address something more critical here - the self.

If you allow the shadow of your past to be a burden of your future, then you will always be an unhappy person until you recognise that fact that the death of your previous relationship has reasons, though not fully understood by you now, but would need significant time to pass through insofar for you to connect the dots backwards and conceptualize the grand picture.

Being incongruent (of mind and heart - signs of Venus and Mercury affliction) is an effect of this unwillingness to forgive yourself on the point that you probably did what you could do, but the outcome is such that this relationship has to perish in this manner.

Many times in love, we would need to recongise that it is ok, even if it is a failure outcome because our experience would make us a better person/partners/lovers - if we choose to transform our failure into something constructive. Hence, be congruent in dealing with yourself and you could achieve this by embracing your negative experiences and be authentic to your personal feelings. After all, we are solely responsible for your own feelings and behaviours.

P.S: As you are heavily tormented by the ghost of your past, simultaneously on the other side of reality, your ex-gf is probably making merry with her new relationship. She would not be contemplating on her guilt that she has done what she did at this very moment. Therefore, your inability to forgive your failure does not - for a matter of fact - affects anything that concerns her but will affect everything that concerns you.

To keep resentment has its cost and you are paying for it.

Cheers