How to make my live-in boy friend contribute more?

last SG · 2012-08-20T00:36:05+00:00

I will move in with you and take care of the Cable bill.

Sinjennks SG

I have a live-in boy friend for more than 2 years. I used to pay for everything in the household and i owned the apartment. Last year, i decided to quit my job and take a breather for two years or so. I will be surviving on my own savings. The issue is that my boy friend doesn’t contribute to the household other than paying the utilities bill. I pay for the mortagage loan naturally as it is my property, i also pay for the groceries, food, cable tv etc. Now that i am not working, i really hope that he will start contributing more. Well, i hinted once, he felt “hurt” that i implied that he was “leeching” on me, which i had never meant that in anyway. He is the ego type of man. After that incident, he still does not initiate to contribute more. As i have been cooking at home at least three times a week, i am actually spending more because he always likes expensive steamed fish. Recently, i hinted to him again that eating at home is healthier but it can also be more expensive. Then he suggested that we go his mom’s pl every sat for dinner and he will pay her extra for the meal on top of his monthly $1k allowance. I am very disappointed that he feels necessary to pay his mom for 1 meal but never thought of contibuting to our meals! Sometimes, he even makes me pay for his shopping!

Is it too much to ask him to contribute more and ow not to make him feel that i am too calculative. But i really need to be careful with my spending and hope that he can help out.

jojobeach SG

Is it too much to ask him to contribute more and ow not to make him feel that i am too calculative. But i really need to be careful with my spending and hope that he can help out.

You need to stop "hinting" him. Be frank and speak up.

If you are going into financial hardship, he needs to be told.

Men cannot read your mind. He probably thinks u are still financially able to sustain the same lifestyle before you quit your job.

He thinks paying for utilities is equivalent to paying you rent. Of cors he feels no remorse with the status quo.

he is a mommy boy, correct me if I am wrong. So If he moves back to his mommy, he has to pay nothing more and gets pampered and spoiled by her...so of cors he thinks he is doing you a great favor, else you'd be the lonely cat lady without him.

Since u cook, then tell him to get the groceries, you provide the cooking labor, he pays for the ingredients, fair and square. If he don't get groceries, then don't cook. He can go eat his take out man burgers every day. Yes man burgers.

My husband used to complain we spend so much more on groceries nowadays, compared to his $150 a month expenses when he was single.

Until one day my car broke down so he had to go do groceries for our family. Till today he was still shell shocked about how expensive it was for each item. So girl, don't be afraid to send him off on a reality check session. Mommy boy needs to grow up and get to know the real world. Let him know how BAD the outside world is, so he may appreciate what you are doing for him.

Add: is he a toy boy ? Are u afraid he will run away after u confessed u are going broke ?

ilovesgforum SG

Consider break up with him and chose me to be your bf?

I am definetly more considerate than him

TehJarVu SG

lousy deal, sack him

Llg2178 SG

Just share with him on the situation you are in. He should be able to understand and contribute more besides paying utilities bill.

By the way what is your concern for not sharing with him?

Sinjennks SG

The reason why i did not openly ask him because he is also very ego type of man. When i hinted to him, he already turned defensive and felt upset that i made him look small that he is “leeching” on me.

As jojobeach says, he is indeed a mommy’ s boy…he will bother to invest expensive appliances n household stuff for his mom, and hardly buys anyhing for me. Call him insensitive or what, but he has been like this since i knew him. I think it is diff to change him…but otherwise he is really sweet to me..except for the finance part. Well to be fair, he is servicing and maintaining the small HDB flat that his mom is staying..so he is actually also tight in budget each month.

Well, perhaps i will stop cooking for him and see if we eat outside, he will foot the bills or not Smile

Thanks for all your advice

JelloPoop SG

lousy deal, sack him

Follow what he said.

He is really a leecher, he just want to use his emotions to control you and make you feel bad about yourself.

And he isn't an ego guy. WHAT he is is a BIG sissy. Find yourself a real man.

Reason why he pays his mom? Probably a mamas boy, when she goes whatever is left might become his so pay now or later still can claim back.

Medicated Oil SG

If you dun see eye to eye with him, what is the point of letting him live with you ?

Sound like you have played the role of sucker for this relationship.

Time for you to cut the loss and kick him out of YOUR house.

Unless you yearned for his companion, then you have to pay for his services.

jojobeach SG

Well, perhaps i will stop cooking for him and see if we eat outside, he will foot the bills or not Smile

Thanks for all your advice

his ego has nothing to do with his reluctance to contribute more.

He is just a very calculative man.

He don't think he is leeching, because he believe he is already helping you out by paying the utilities bill.

His reasoning is very simple. If u don't have him, you will need to pay the mortgage AND utilities anyway... So he is assuming that portion of your burden. In fact YOU should be grateful to him, not the other way round.

Like a forumer mentioned, his mom assets will eventually go to him. So those money are well spent investments. You on the other hand is an EXPENSE. If things don't work out, his money spent on you is water down the drain, no guarantees whatsoever.

I'm wondering, is he well trained in accounting or finance?

now, may I ask you if you are ok with spending the rest of your life with a guy so calculative financially?

Emotionally, he may be generous, but that cost nothing out of his pocket.

Sweet as he may be, he is an extreme penny pincher.

Takes a very very giving woman to be able to last long with this type of man. But in the end, he may just leave you for another young chick when his pocket is full and heavy.

A man's finance is his tool belt. The more they have the bigger their ego.

A relationship has to be equitable on both ends. Good luck.

lce SG

waaa who says there is no free lunch in this world

can i have some too? Laughing

come with free fuck too

potatoes_chips SG

I dont think he is an ' ego type of man' cause if he is, he would not have been living with you in the first place. ....cause that would be living off you in YOUR flat.

You should try to have him move out totally. Thereafter, if he is still the same, having you to pay for dinners at restaurants, then you might wish to re-consider your relationship. Its not right in the first place to have you pay for his food & shopping altogether.

Medicated Oil SG

Sound like a Foreign Talent.

Most of them are free loader and most of the gal here are suckers.

hisoka SG

Time to find new live-in boyfriend. Should have quite a number here willing to volunteer

troublemaker2005 SG

jojobitch may be angel7030's clone

TehJarVu SG

if he were an ego man, he should pay like a real man
he is just 省吃省住'ing

troublemaker2005 SG

there's something good about living together before marriage - you get to see your habits nd behaviours and see if you want to live together for the rest of your lives. hahahah

Army 21 SG

lemme see....he dun pay for his food....he expects his mom to even cook at this age??he what ??wheel chairbound is it?

and how is steamed fish expensive in singapore?and how come shopping u pay???

simple solution is u need a bank and not a boyfrend.u need companionship...go kidnap a cat from hawker centre if it doesnt belong to anyone and looks really skinny and feed it with steamed fish everyday.

oldbreadstinks SG

Is it too much to ask him to contribute more and ow not to make him feel that i am too calculative. But i really need to be careful with my spending and hope that he can help out.

for a healthy relationship to work, you need to be open and when things go wrong, be willing to discuss and work things out.

sweet or not, I think you need to decide whether you really like him that much to tolerate this.

I've met people who actually think it's ok so if you feel so then go ahead.

but ........ you're already pissed enough to be bitching about it online , might as well come clean with him you're struggling. In a way, it tests whether he cares enough to do more for you. If he says nothing's wrong and makes no concrete effort to improve your life from this point.

and you still think it's ok, you pretty much deserve it.

just buy a bigger booster so you can hug it and cry once he dumps you for his next target.

oldbreadstinks SG

a lot of people can share your joy, but does he run over with a bandaid without you crying when he sees a cut.

troublemaker2005 SG

lemme see....he dun pay for his food....he expects his mom to even cook at this age??he what ??wheel chairbound is it?

and how is steamed fish expensive in singapore?and how come shopping u pay???

like that good. i like to befwen this type of people. when he gets married - i do his job do his wife for him