'My heart aches to see her
SUFFER'
Dad whose daughter attempted suicide 10
times in a year pleads with judge for solution
LEAVING COURT: James
and daughter Mandy
TNP PICTURE: GAVIN
FOO
REPORT: JOYCE LIM
LIKE all fathers, the last thing he wants is for something bad
to happen to his daughter. But this 58-year-old dad is caught in an
unusual and terrible dilemma.
In the past year, his teen daughter had tried to kill
herself 10 times.
Fortunately, she never succeeded.
But now the law has caught up with her, and she is facing
a possible jail sentence of up to a year, a fine or both.
The father, James, doesn't want her to go to jail, even
though he's completely stressed out from having to keep his
eyes on her all the time.
But keeping her in jail may, ironically, take that burden
off him and save her from herself.
"What can the judge do to protect my precious girl?" a
worried-looking James asked this reporter, as he sat and waited
anxiously for the verdict in court yesterday.
James' daughter, Mandy, 18, faced 10 charges of attempted
suicide between last August and May this year.
We are not giving Mandy's or her father's real names to
protect her identity.
The District Court heard that she suffers from mental
retardation and personality disorder.
On Aug 31 last year, Mandy had asked her father to take
her to Bishan library to meet her friend. When she arrived, she
went to a supermarket and bought a box of paracetamol, an
over-the-counter pain reliever to meet her friend at the
library.
When Mandy met her friend, she told her that she was not
feeling well and asked her to take her to a hospital. She ended up
in Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
A week later, Mandy attempted to kill herself again when
she sat with one of her legs dangling over the ledge on the third
storey of a multi-storey carpark at Kim Keat Avenue.
Fortunately, police and Singapore Civil Defence Force
officers arrived in time to presuade her to move away from the
ledge.
When Mandy was younger, she had slit her wrist in front
of her Institute of Technical Education (ITE) classmates, James
told The New Paper.
Because of the incident, he took her out of school.
Why did she do it?
Till today, James still does not know the answer, even
though he is closest to her in the family, which includes his
undergraduate son and wife.
Each time after she tries to take her life, she would
feel so depressed that she'll break down and cry loudly, James told
TNP in Mandarin.
"My heart aches every times I see her suffer," he added,
burying his head in his hands.
James said that his relationship with his daughter has
always been good. He recalled his daughter's first suicide attempt
when she was in Secondary 1.
That happened in hospital. James had taken her there
after she had fits and was shocked when he was told that his
daughter had taken an overdose of her medication.
James said Mandy's subsequent suicidal attempts resulted
in her dropping out of secondary school. Mandy went on to pursue an
education at the ITE.
But when she again attempted suicide by slitting her
wrist in front of her classmates in school, James had to take her
out again.
Mentally sound
He said: "Over the years, I have taken her to seek
treatment at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), but I was told
that she is mentally sound."
"She can't stay in IMH and I am unable to watch her 24/7
at home. I don't know what is a safe place for her to be in. I need
to work as my family depends on me. There is no one to take care of
her and I worry about her every time I leave the house for
work.
"What can I do? I can only leave it to the judge to
decide for me. It's her fate."
Mandy's case was one of the most unusual ones that the
District Court heard yesterday.
District Judge Shaifuddin Saruwan said he "thought long
and hard about it".
Before that, Assistant Public Prosecutor Dillon Kok,
James and his daughter, were seen going in and out of chambers
several times.
After about 90 minutes of waiting, Judge Shaifuddin
sentenced Mandy to one year of probation on the condition that she
continues to seek treatment at IMH and comply with all directions
given by the psychiatrist.
He noted that Mandy was neither suitable for mandatory
treatment order, nor was she recommended for probation.
Mr Kok had earlier suggested a short custodial sentence
for Mandy, who had been in remand for the past 31/2 months.
After much deliberation, Judge Shaifuddin said: "I
thought long and hard about it. I am convinced that what you
require is truly treatment so that you will not reoffend by
attempting suicide again.
"Notwithstanding the probation report, I will place you
on probation and I will monitor your case personally."
Judge Shaifuddin added that Mandy's behaviour cannot be
tolerated and she should refrain from such behaviour.
"If you feel stressed or troubled, I want you to call the
psychiatrist or the probation officer," Judge Shaifuddin told the
teen, who nodded in acknowledgement.
"If you breach the condition, you will back before me and
I will have to deal with you. I hope we do not have to come to
that. I know you can do it."
Mandy is scheduled for a court review on Nov 29.
Outside the court, James appeared relieved that the judge
had decided for him what is best for his daughter, even through he
will not be able to stop worrying about her.
He told TNP: "My Wife works long hours as a dish
collector at a foodcourt and my son is studying for an engineering
degree in a local university. I need to work to support my family.
But I will do all I can to protect my little girl."
Last night, a chirpy Mandy told TNP over the phone that
she was happy to be able to go home with her father yesterday.
"After I was released, I went home for a hot bath, then
my father took me out for a haircut, And I had my favourite steak
for dinner." Mandy in Mandarin.
"I am grateful to the judge for the chance to start life
afresh."
Don't nag or scold, just listen, say
psychologists
REPORT: ESTHER NG
ONE of the best things to do when dealing with a chronically
suicidal family member is to listen.
Don't nag, advise or scold them.
If family members cannot refrain from nagging or berating
him, they should get a neutral third party - a counsellor, a
relative or close friend - to communicate with the suicidal family
member, counsellors told The New Paper.
Said Singapore Children's Society's youth services
director, Dr Carol Balhetcher: "Ask one question and wait for the
information to come. It may not come immediately, so be
patient.
"Sometimes, parents just want to talk and advise, and
when there is no change in the situation, thet say, 'Aiyah, my
child is a problem.'"
Agreeing, psychologist Daniel Koh of private practice
Insights Mind Centre, said: "A lot of times, the family doesn't
undersatnd the person and they put expectations on the victim.
"Let it go. Instead,listen.
"You don't have to talk. Just be there for them."
To do this, you have to create the environment or
opportunity, said Dr Balhetchet, a clinical psychologist.
One way would be to start going for walks together and
making the walks a "habit".
"Let the person talk. The silence might be awkward, never
mind, one day you'll get an answer," she said.
Agreeing, Ms Koh said it was important to give the
suicidal family members a "sense of support, so that he or she will
feel safe".
Said Mr Koh: "Suicidal people are very sensitive.
"They can tell if you're pretending or genuine, so if you
can't stop yourself from scolding them, get a neutral third party
who will not judge or label them."
Mr Koh, noted that often, families start out with "a lot
of concern", then after multiple suicide attempts, they get
"numb".
He said: "They get frustrated and even threaten the
person to snap out of it without understanding the cause of the
problem.
"This could make the person depressed and the person
could revert to taking drastic measures."
On the rise
Suicide attempts are on the rise here, although
statistics from the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) indicate that the
number of people who succeed in their bids is falling. The Straits
Times reported.
In 2010, 966 people were arrested for attempting suicide,
up from 842 the year before.
SOS figures calculated the suicide rate to be 7.85
suicides for every 100,000 people in 2010, down from 9.35 in
2009.
Overall, 353 people killed themselves here in 2010 and
401 did so the year before.
Dr Brian Yeo, a consultant psychiatrist at Mount
Elizabeth Medical Centre, told The New Paper that families of
chronically suicidal family members are often "caught in a
bind".
He said: "Do they react every time he or she threatens to
commit suicide? Do they keep watch over them or is this just a cry
for help?
"But then again, just because he or she didn't commit
suicide the first two times, doesn't mean it won't happen on the
third."
One way to judge whether the suicide threat is serious is
to look at the attempt itself, Dr Yeo said.
For instance, did the person take just a few pills or was
it an overdose?
Did the person slit his wrists or try to jump off a
building? These are serious indicators, he said.
The other important gauge is whether the suicide attempt
was planned.
"Did they buy certain things before the event, like
bleach? Did they leave a note? Did they try to avoid the discovery
of their intentions?" he said.
But these are just a guide, Dr Yeo stressed.
All three experts advise family members that the safety
of the suicidal family member is paramount and to call the
authorities for help when dealing with a suicide attempt.
HELPLINES
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Singapore Association for Mental Health:
1800-283-7019
Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre:
1800-353-5800
PROSECUTION FOR SUICIDE
ATTEMPTS
LAWYERS told The New Paper that while
attempting suicide is an offence, it is not common for people who
attempt suicide to be prosecuted.
Said criminal
lawyer Sashi Nathan: "The decision to prosecute depends on a host
of factors such the physiological makeup of the person, the
personal background, the family situation, whether there were
aggravating or extenuating circumstances that caused him or her to
behave that way."
"Jailing the
person may not help, but treatment would."
A dozen people
were charged in 2010, and nine the year before. The police also
helps offenders by referring them for counselling or for treatment
at the Institute of Mental Health.
News, The New Paper, Friday, August 31 2012, Pg 2-3
