Why she behave like that?

last SG · 2012-05-30T00:53:04+00:00

i'm the girl you're talking about................... and what you mean by i'm fat huh ???/Nice try. Hahaha.

SimbaSimba22 SG

I am not attracted to her, don't get me wrong. I know people advice is to ignore but when you receive some snub treatment from her, doesn't it affect you?

I browse through some Aunt agony threads here and found that there were people who complained that they were snub and they just could not get over it.

So yeah, its hard to get snub. I know it comes from an insecure overweight girl but it makes one's self esteem feel a bit low.

I hope you understand, me as a growing up adolescent longs to be accepted by my peers. I am not a player, I just want to be part of a group of friends.

JelloPoop SG

Initially i was talking crap, but I think its time to get serious....

You know what your problem is? You have a selective perception of things. I don't know how you can ignore the suggestions that you could be overly sensitive. The signs are there, it is obvious.

Throughout your whole post and reply, You never once self reflected on yourself, but yet you keep trying to find fault with this slightly overweight girl.

Everything she does, it seems to annoy you in some sort of way. You read too much into her actions it has made you paranoid.

Did you even try to get to know her better or not? AS IN REALLY TRY A COUPLE OF TIMES not after one meeting?

How can she be so popular amoung the youth and yet seem so hateful to one individual i do not know or understand.

Can you at least make a freaking effort to get to know her better? Not judge her after one meeting??? Be more forgiving can or not?? You understand some people maybe more shy then others on their first meeting then can you at least try on your part and be friendly to her?

Even the new guy there who is very shy and quiet is being dragged into this mess because of your negativity? What political support are you talkng about? Its a freaking youth meeting FFS not a freaking battlefield..........

Of cause you could be right, but to judge someone after ONE meeting...come on..dont be so narrow minded

mancha SG

You hit the nail on the head about motor mouth in the first part of your post.

SimbaSimba22 SG

Initially i was talking crap, but I think its time to get serious....

You know what your problem is? You have a selective perception of things. I don't know how you can ignore the suggestions that you could be overly sensitive. The signs are there, it is obvious.

Throughout your whole post and reply, You never once self reflected on yourself, but yet you keep trying to find fault with this slightly overweight girl.

Everything she does, it seems to annoy you in some sort of way. You read too much into her actions it has made you paranoid.

Did you even try to get to know her better or not? AS IN REALLY TRY A COUPLE OF TIMES not after one meeting?

How can she be so popular amoung the youth and yet seem so hateful to one individual i do not know or understand.

Of cause you could be right, but to judge someone after ONE meeting...come on..dont be so narrow minded

It would be fair to say that I am prematurely judging her after one meeting. However this is after more or less about 10 meetings. Each meeting lasting two to three hours.

I suppose getting to know her better means to attend more meetings and see how she is. However I don't think I want to personally go to her, speak to her like wanting to make friends. I don't want to show desperation or neediness in front of her or else she may misunderstand my genuine friendmaking intentions.

Its hard not to show negativity when you feel snubbed. Its not the first time she's done it to me. We have like traditional announcement of birthdays every month. And when the names of all are announced, she and her friends would come over and shake and give well wishes to those birthday boys and girls. Last month was my birthday, it was announced, but none of her and her friends came over to shake my hand nor wished me happy birthday. I know this sounds childlish but if you were in my shoes, you really feel snubbed. I also dislike my birthday being announced to more or less 200 people at this youth gathering.

Some three weeks ago, after meeting, I joined some of the youth to go to a hawker place (not wanting to disclose to protect my identity) for some fellowship. Again, she dominated the whole conversation. She spoken about a drama sketch we youths performed, she gave recognition to everybody else except me. I felt really out of place. When I tried to get involve in conversation, she and her friends ignored me.

Two months ago, we were discussing youth problems. When I shared a joke, while she was the leader of about 10 of us, she and her friends didn't laugh at all. Not sure why it wasn;t funny. However, when she and her friends crack their jokes which wasn't funny for me, they laughed like crazy.

I think its a big problem, she and her friends are dominating and clickish. I notice few newcomers have hard time settling down. I've seen several newcomers particularly guys dropped out after 2 or 3 meetings. Maybe she is counting the days to my "demise". She's been around this youth org since she and her friends were 14 or 15 years old. Whereas me, I just joined. Its hard to be a newbie.

jojobeach SG

Hi I am currently studying Poly.

Recently I joined this youth gathering. I am a guy who is very talkative and likes to contribute a lot.

So I've attended this youth gathering for like 6 to 8 rounds. There's like several dozen of us youths from various backgrounds, some study Poly, some at NTU, some MDIS, etc, etc. I am a newbie there. Some of them has been there since their schooling years. So they know each other very well except me. But i like to talk a lot. There are a few pretty girls there too, but some of the girls are attached.

THere is one particular girl who is a bit overweight but she is quite dominating and she has a lot of friends in this group. She is talkative too. So during the gathering we will discuss committee and organising things. However after the discussion, this "overweight" girl likes to talk about her dreams and her studies to us. Some of the youths there are great friends of hers and they like listening to her. So I thought of just joining into the conversation, sometimes when she complains about her studies and her struggles with her exams (sometimes she has to repeat them again), I just gave some piece of advice and struck some jokes (nobody laugh of course). It was after the meeting and there was like 8 of us so I wanted to make some friends so I remained while the rest left and then she came chatting away and everyone else listened.

So after that when we about to leave the place, this 'overweight" girl bid everybody farewell, she spoke each name of the other 7 bidding them goodbye, except me. She didn't say goodbye to me, even when I was only standing next to her.

So my question is, why she is doing that? Ignoring me? Do you think she is being a bit rude?

1) She doesn;t know me that well? But 4 of the 7 people - she knew well, the other 3, she only knew them for like 6 months.

2) She thinks that I like her because I am talkative? I think maybe she has a boyfriend, and she think I am one of those guys who like to chat away to go after girls?

3) Am i being too sensitive?

4) Is she trying to test me? To see if I react? If I do react, she may think I like her? Which in truth I don't. I also suspect she has a boyfriend.

So what should I do when I encounter her?

1) Not to say hello to her because maybe she is suspicious of my intentions? Try not to be too friendly

2) Just ignore her and be myself

Ok, I don't want to reveal too much. Please don't ask me what this youth meeting is about because who knows maybe some of them are in this forum so I don't want to expose my identity.

Simba, can't u find another youth group to join ?

Why die die must stick to this one with that obnoxious leader ?

R u there to have a good time, or r u there because u want to frolick among some pretty girls ? R the girls so to die for that u r willing to throw away ur dignity ?

So, u like to talk a lot ... Maybe u talked too much...perhaps u need to learn when to keep ur mouth shut at the right time, only talk when u should.

Example, a complainer who complains about her life incessantly just to get attention, u really shouldn't bother responding. She's not asking anyone to tell her what to do. So learn to keep ur half arse wisdom to yourself.

Why other people in the group seem ok with her constant bitching and moaning ? Because that's her role, the comic, entertainer, life of the party. Birds of a feather flock together. Seems the theme of this group is about negativity n enabling such behavior.

I doubt u fit in anyway.

Since she is the "leader" u should not talk bad about her behind her back to anyone in the group. That's social suicide.

U seem to be making all the wrong moves in this group. Maybe it's time for u to seek out new group n not make the same social mistakes again.

Do yourself a favor, go look for a group with similar mindset.

Note: quit with the body fats thing already, harping on the weight issue only make u look very shallow.

Deana SG

maybe you can compliment her something like she has beautiful hairstyle, nice personality etc. It will make her happy and she will start to notice you.

angel7030 SG

Simba no more popular already, that stupid Lion King already old liao.

Never knew Simba is so self centre person, hey, relax and loosen abit ya, if you join a group, just be a member, you dun hv to shine or be the leader, just be cool and when time to talk, speak with sense, people will recognize you. Not that one who talk or speak alots are great, most are empty vessel. Let people judge you, if you are good, you are good, why care about other popularity.

SimbaSimba22 SG

Simba, can't u find another youth group to join ?

Why die die must stick to this one with that obnoxious leader ?

R u there to have a good time, or r u there because u want to frolick among some pretty girls ? R the girls so to die for that u r willing to throw away ur dignity ?

So, u like to talk a lot ... Maybe u talked too much...perhaps u need to learn when to keep ur mouth shut at the right time, only talk when u should.

I doubt u fit in anyway.

Since she is the "leader" u should not talk bad about her behind her back to anyone in the group. That's social suicide.

U seem to be making all the wrong moves in this group. Maybe it's time for u to seek out new group n not make the same social mistakes again.

Do yourself a favor, go look for a group with similar mindset.

Note: quit with the body fats thing already, harping on the weight issue only make u look very shallow.

There is probably other youth groups to join. The problem is, politics is everywhere, we cannot avoid, there will always be people problem. Should I persevere?

Unfortunately, she seems to be everywhere. There is about 100 of us but whenever there is meeting only like 30 or 40 turn up. She is everywhere, like omnipresent. She goes around and talk to people, so hard to avoid her.

I never spoke about my half arse wisdom to her. Here she is talking about her difficulty to passing this one test, because she complains about this certain examiner who likes to fail people and the passing rate. As I said there were about 10 of us at that time, and she was so loud and the rest were listening to her. Coincidentaly, my brother also took the same test. I will not go further detail on what I said but what I shared was that my brother didn't go thru the same problems as she did, so I was only proposing to her how my brother managed to pass his exam. That was all, it was something I thought I could let her know out of my own kindness, I thought it could help her, since she brought it up.

Sigh, as i said politics is everywhere. These people knew her for years, they've been around since they were like 14 or 15. So there will aways be the inner circle.

Seriously, we never do fit in anywhere we go. THat is just life. My eldest sister always complain to us at dinner about her office, about her feeling like a misfit.

Till I am able to find a place where I can meet people like me, it looks like this is the best I can do.

I have no plans to speak behind her back. I bet her inner circle will kill me off socially.

She is a bit overweight.

angel7030 SG

You from which school, if needed, I can get my girl's gang down at the main gate and talk thing over with her, tell her to shut the shit out, if not........

Nelstar SG

There is probably other youth groups to join. The problem is, politics is everywhere, we cannot avoid, there will always be people problem. Should I persevere?

Sigh, as i said politics is everywhere. These people knew her for years, they've been around since they were like 14 or 15. So there will aways be the inner circle.

Seriously, we never do fit in anywhere we go. THat is just life. My eldest sister always complain to us at dinner about her office, about her feeling like a misfit.

Till I am able to find a place where I can meet people like me, it looks like this is the best I can do.

I have no plans to speak behind her back. I bet her inner circle will kill me off socially.

She is a bit overweight.

Inner circle of what? Fats?

Why you keep harping about her weight when it has nothing to do with being in that group or not. She occupying your place in the group with her size?

angel7030 SG

This is call fatal attraction

jojobeach SG

There is probably other youth groups to join. The problem is, politics is everywhere, we cannot avoid, there will always be people problem. Should I persevere?

Sigh, as i said politics is everywhere. These people knew her for years, they've been around since they were like 14 or 15. So there will aways be the inner circle.

Seriously, we never do fit in anywhere we go. THat is just life. My eldest sister always complain to us at dinner about her office, about her feeling like a misfit.

Till I am able to find a place where I can meet people like me, it looks like this is the best I can do.

I have no plans to speak behind her back. I bet her inner circle will kill me off socially.

She is a bit overweight.

Perservere? Dude, u think u r playing pc game, grinding to level up har? U r not ok.

Building relationships is not about perserverence ! It's about adapting, knowing when to move forward, when to back off, knowing your strength and weaknesses , growing within yourself and with the people around u.

No man is an island, it seems u think u r one .

U can justify all u want, in the end, it's all about how others react to you. How others perceive u. Without first adapting n changing yourself...The more u perserverence the worst it becomes.

Example, Maybe u have bad breath, or body odor u r unaware of, how is that going to help when u insist on perserverence ?

U can persevere all u want, justify all u want... As the saying goes "never teach a pig ( no offense to any religious group) how to sing; it wastes ur time n it annoys the pig.- Robert heinlein.

So what if she is overweight ? R u saying it's ok for slim people to be obnoxious ? Keep going down this road.. U'll find yourself unwanted Everywhere. Bigotry is a disease.

SimbaSimba22 SG

Perservere? Dude, u think u r playing pc game, grinding to level up har? U r not ok.

No man is an island, it seems u think u r one .

U can justify all u want, in the end, it's all about how others react to you. How others perceive u. Without first adapting n changing yourself...The more u perserverence the worst it becomes.

Example, Maybe u have bad breath, or body odor u r unaware of, how is that going to help when u insist on perserverence ?

U can persevere all u want, justify all u want... As the saying goes "never teach a pig ( no offense to any religious group) how to sing; it wastes ur time n it annoys the pig.- Robert heinlein.

So what if she is overweight ? R u saying it's ok for slim people to be obnoxious ? Keep going down this road.. U'll find yourself unwanted Everywhere. Bigotry is a disease.

No man is an island? Precisely. We go everywhere we sure encounter this kind of people. So are you advising me to go live in a cave by myself and cut off all contact?

Persevering is part of adapting. Persevere to take the stick, persevere to change, persevere to find out why. What else?

I don't have body odour nor bad breath because my ex girlfriend used to love hugging me and kissing me.

A pig? You hardly know me. Have you looked in the mirror lately? "The one who calls the other a name is actually that name" - Anonymous.

Reason why I call her slightly overweight was so that all forumers can tell apart. If I just call her "girl" you may think I was referring to Girl A or Girl B. If I was shallow as you think I am, I would have called her "fat girl" or "fatso". However, I try to mince my words nicely. Had she been skinny, I would have called her "slightly skinny girl". Then you would most likely accuse me of being a bigot because I discriminate girls suffering from bulemnia or something like that. It never ends....

Ok, next time, I give her a name, what about "JoSephine" or "Carol" ? Fair enough?

angel7030 SG

Yo pig, everyone know a pig when he or she see one, guess my sista see that in you.

Just because of one girl, you make so much noise, better take your medicine and keep a good stock of it.

jojobeach SG

No man is an island? Precisely. We go everywhere we sure encounter this kind of people. So are you advising me to go live in a cave by myself and cut off all contact?

Persevering is part of adapting. Persevere to take the stick, persevere to change, persevere to find out why. What else?

I don't have body odour nor bad breath because my ex girlfriend used to love hugging me and kissing me.

A pig? You hardly know me. Have you looked in the mirror lately? "The one who calls the other a name is actually that name" - Anonymous.

Ok, next time, I give her a name, what about "JoSephine" or "Carol" ? Fair enough?

Yes please, a fictitious name is sufficient.

U do not need to single her out in such a cowardly fashion. Backstabbing is never a good social skill.

While you are judging that girl infront of your friends and behind her back... people are also judging you.

If I am your friend and I am listening to your bitter rant about that girl.. in my mind, I'd be thinking.... you must have done the same to me too. Who knows what you say behind my back ?

What you say to others behind her back.. are you brave enough to say it to her face ? If you don't, then you are just a gossip monger, back stabber and coward.

I think u do not understand much of my post, maybe u don't want to ?

U r walling yourself off when u surround yourself with self justifications , convincing no one else but yourself. Turning yourself into an island, cut off from the rest of the social world.

I know of people like u, they tend to become unpopular n very lonely. yet in their own mind, they have done nothing wrong, everyone else was at fault, of cors.

However, I see, I m starting to annoy the pig.

Good luck on your "perserverence " .

Nelstar SG

No man is an island? Precisely. We go everywhere we sure encounter this kind of people. So are you advising me to go live in a cave by myself and cut off all contact?

Persevering is part of adapting. Persevere to take the stick, persevere to change, persevere to find out why. What else?

I don't have body odour nor bad breath because my ex girlfriend used to love hugging me and kissing me.

A pig? You hardly know me. Have you looked in the mirror lately? "The one who calls the other a name is actually that name" - Anonymous.

Ok, next time, I give her a name, what about "JoSephine" or "Carol" ? Fair enough?

I don't see why you can't be nicer to use an alias compared to size.

Fat is not wrong, afterall, I'm 800lbs but you don't need to keep calling me fat. Not so nice you see.

SimbaSimba22 SG

Yes please, a fictitious name is sufficient.

U do not need to single her out in such a cowardly fashion. Backstabbing is never a good social skill.

While you are judging that girl infront of your friends and behind her back... people are also judging you.

If I am your friend and I am listening to your bitter rant about that girl.. in my mind, I'd be thinking.... you must have done the same to me too. Who knows what you say behind my back ?

What you say to others behind her back.. are you brave enough to say it to her face ? If you don't, then you are just a gossip monger, back stabber and coward.

I think u do not understand much of my post, maybe u don't want to ?

U r walling yourself off when u surround yourself with self justifications , convincing no one else but yourself. Turning yourself into an island, cut off from the rest of the social world.

I know of people like u, they tend to become unpopular n very lonely. yet in their own mind, they have done nothing wrong, everyone else was at fault, of cors.

However, I see, I m starting to annoy the pig.

Good luck on your "perserverence " .

This is not called backstabbing or else every single person who post here would make themselves a backstabber. This is not about a "slightly overweight girl", this is about trying to avoid a misunderstanding. Kapeesh? I believe she thinks that I like her or something, this is why she snub me.

I am new there so how am I suppose to say things behind her back because I don't know the rest very well. But I have been there for 10 meetings enough to know that there may be some misunderstanding due to my very open and social behaviour.

Sigh, you just don't get my point. If I am cutting myself to the social world, why bother to be part of this youth org in the first place? Because i want to contribute my time besides my studies to do something for our youth today. Isn't that enough reason to join? Besides making friends if this is possible at all.

Annoy the pig? You are angry because I say that she is slightly overweight, now you are calling her a pig. Gosh, you got to be the worst offender of hypocritical opinion, I've ever come across. Kettle calling the teapot black.

Pal, do you go to toilet with somebody? When you change your clothes, somebody help you to change? or somebody has to walk around with you?

Of course we will always be lonely. We are not always with somebody all the time. I am still young, I can count my lucky stars. But knowing you, you will surely curse me. You are just full of angst. Do I remind you of somebody who hurt your feelings when you were schooling? Please forget about it and move on. Don't go flaming people like me who has nothing to do with your past angst.

SimbaSimba22 SG

I don't see why you can't be nicer to use an alias compared to size.

Fat is not wrong, afterall, I'm 800lbs but you don't need to keep calling me fat. Not so nice you see.

Miss Nelstar, I am sure you are not the same person as the person I described in the forum. Yes fat is not wrong. I never call you fat. There is something call inner beauty you know.

My point is not about her physical shape - not sure why Jojo is harping on that. When what I am pointing out is potential for misunderstanding from her because of my open social behaviour. She snub me, maybe because she thinks I like her because I was very into talking to her. SO my point is I want to tone down so she won't think otherwise.

jojobeach SG

Pal, do you go to toilet with somebody? When you change your clothes, somebody help you to change? or somebody has to walk around with you?

Is this how u behave in real life ?

When faced with criticism or confronted, u go into self denial mode ?

Side stepping, deflecting, twisting n turning what others said n retreating into your little make belief world ?

Dude, exercise some self honesty , if u have any, most of your social problem will go away.

Right now, U r cutting yourself off from the world with ur behavior.

U talk, but u can't seem to communicate.

Why r u posting in Aunt Agony ? R u looking for some kind of support from fellow forumers to boost your ego ?

Here, people tell u the truth u won't like to hear.

If u r just seeking for someone to agree with u , regardless right or wrong, your mother and clansmen r your best bet.

Ace_Serena SG

Well, perhaps you may want to use another approach to break the ice with her? Why not try outrightly poke fun of her cold attitude towards you, on a joking note, in front both of your friends? This way, it's like pushing her into a corner and she'll have no choice but to give a response to your apparent accusation. You can keep this consistent, use it everytime when you are with her, till she gets fed-up with playing ignorance with you. :) This way will also help to dash her fantasy dream of you having interest in her, with your couldn't-care-less attitude.

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