Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

~Owl~ SG

My gf has moved overseas for her studies not too long ago, I'm happy for her and encouraged her to do so because she's doing what she always wanted to do in life. Initially, we decided to put our relationship to rest because her journey there will take probably 6 years, plus a few more years of bond, probably 9 to 10 years. But her her mother spoke to me and said she was disappointed in me told me to hold on if I really loved her. I thought about it and decided to give it a try. So now we are in a LDR

She's now overseas for about a month plus, but I'm not happy at all. When she's in SG, no matter how tight our schedules were, we'll at least dedicate some time to give each other a call everyday to have some quality catch up. But now, even if free overseas call are available thru viber or skype... we barely even talk in a week. If it's not that she is tired, she'll say she is busy...even during the weekend. It doesn't feel like a relationship at all... Whenever I try to call her to tell her to spare some time for us because I really want to talk to her, it'll turn out to be a fight because she says I'm unreasonable.

I need some advise and pointers, am I really not understanding and unreasonable?

watson374 SG

Keep good contact, but don't overdo it.

I'm in an LDR as well, but I'm the overseas one.

Summer hill SG

Whatever it is, keep in contact.

~Owl~ SG

How to keep in contact when I can't even talk to her?

Hwaimeng SG

its depend on u and yr gf

its didnt work out for me as i the type of guy that wan to feel her.

i wan her to be around me, i wan to see her everyweek, i wan to hold her hand, i wan to touch her back all soft of things. we break off 3 months after she fly to france.

but its actually work out for anyother female friends of my, 2 years LDR and now happily married with 2 kids.

so its depend on ppl.

but 9 years for u is a serious tuff suitation.

DailyFreeGames.com SG

Between you and me, here's what I would do. It's not necessary good advice, in fact it may be bad advice, I don't know but here's my honest opinion about what I would do if I were you.

There is a gap now in the relationship. The gap wasn't created by you. I will find other girls to fill that gap. These girls don't necessary have to be sexual in nature, but usually it will turn out to be so be aware of it. Don't say no lah you can control or what shit, the girl touch here and there and very hard to control ler.

Also, this softens the pain if one day the girl tell you that she found somebody else. Also it softens the pain of silence where the girl was busy and unable to spend time with you, but you already so many girls, so obviously you won't feel the pain at all.

Darkness_hacker99 SG

When problems surfaces, you should tell her about these problems and come out with a solution to it. Keep this problem to yourself and snowball this to a bigger problem is no good. Now I think you're starting to doubt her This is unhealthy. Talk to her about the communication issues.

Perhaps you could set aside a specific timing for skyping on alternate days and weekend nights.

Just_do_it_lah SG

You can tehan how long.... ?

troublemaker2005 SG

same here - me and angle7030's long long relationshipe

mancha SG

She has things to keep her occupied. While you are too free..

Keep contact, but don't over do it, as is said above.

Let her do her thing, and you go out and live life, man. The quality of your life need not go down.

Contact her when there are things to contact about, or let her contact you.

You can also arrange to write letters, like in the olden days. Don't phoo phoo letter writing.

Be open to other possibilities too.

She may find someone and dump you.

You may find someone and forget her.

mancha SG

Telephone - Sheena Easton

Veggie Bao SG

How long ago did she move overseas...?

The reason I ask is because........maybe she still need time to adapt and to settle down....and maybe indeed she is busy..? Probably she need to do her course work, do laundry, cook food, buy new books or new clothes, etc etc......There are many things that are tough when a person move overseas alone.

Maybe try to be more understanding ?

After all, your settings and your environment remains the same.....but she has drastic change, so maybe she indeed need more time to settle down, maybe she is still in frantic phase, and just try to give her the space and time and try to be understanding.

Anyways.....LDR maybe can work, but you must know when the two of you can meetup.....like during holidays, and so on.....if you guys can meetup regularly I believe there is a chance it can work........Regarding the location after she graduate, that is a bit more complicated but that is years from now.......plan so much also difficult.....

Fcukpap SG

be prepared for the worst....think for yourself too....

mancha SG

be prepared for the worst....think for yourself too....

thats my point too.

~Owl~ SG

Perhaps you could set aside a specific timing for skyping on alternate days and weekend nights.

I did tell her how I felt, but she only says I'm not understanding. I tried fixing a time with her, but it doesn't work. She'll either miss the timing or she'll say she's too tired to talk.

She's actually a Malaysian. When we were tgt, she was initially in Singapore. Now that she's graduated, she's taking up a one year course in Malaysia before heading over to Australia. So I don't think she needs time to suit to the new enviroment because it is her own home.

Yet, I really don't understand why it's so hard just to talk to her. I myself am studying, and equally tied down with my work. I am willing just to put aside my work just to catch up with her for a short while to maintain what is left...but y can't she? The total amount of time i talk to her since she went over is barely even 3 hours...

Toiletries SG

Maybe the "I miss you" feel haven't yet taken effect into her since she's re-adjusting?

Darkness_hacker99 SG

I did tell her how I felt, but she only says I'm not understanding. I tried fixing a time with her, but it doesn't work. She'll either miss the timing or she'll say she's too tired to talk.

Let me share with you about my feeling and thoughts.

If she cheats on you, she's losing someone important and not worth your time. You could find a better one over here. Give her the benefit of doubt. Only until you have sufficient evidence to prove that she's cheating on you, then it's not too late yet because you have not commit deeper into marriage.

A quote which remains in my deep in my heart for quite some time "Never put all the eggs into a single basket". This is an investment quote, but I find it able to apply to both you and my situation. Maybe to put it in a correct manner is, try socialising more you will gain healthy social life.

speakoutfor SG

6 years, probably 9 to 10 years???

You got to wake up man. Where is the future of your relationship heading to?

One of my close friend was in a long distant relationship between malaysia and singapore for 10 years but at least he goes back to singapore once a month to see his girlfriend. They are now married with two kids.

But the distant between you and her is too great.

You must ask yourself - what are your plans for both of you? Do you want to be eventually married? If you keep on going on like this - there is no point.

Long distant relationships are very tough and hard. My brother also have a girlfriend in Australia. I don't want to divulge too much info but it is not easy.

I think having an argument over the phone about when to call is very normal.

angel7030 SG

If you are unhappy, come Joo Chiat, I see if I can get one look alike your gf, maybe you can have a good time and would not miss her so much.

Today got internet, cam and so on, so easy to stay in contact, what is LDR?? Like my brother now doing his project oversea in Germany, his wife (my enemy) will meet him once every month at sometime turkey, sometime india and sometime egypt or greece, Qatar and so on, it is in the mid of both side.

Hwaimeng SG

from wat i see is bye bye soon liao