with regards to money, yes, I find it perfectly acceptable that
my money is her money, and her money is her money. Maybe it's my
neanderthal brain stem speaking, but to me, the man is the one that
brings home the bacon, he should be the main, if not only provider,
my stated goal has always been to be a good enough provider that my
wife has the option to be a full time housewife if she wants to,
and she can spend and buy whatever she fancies, so yeah, I don't
call it being spineless, though perhaps a bit chauvinistic, a man
should not be on top only in bed alone, no ?
As for housework, you have missed my point, it is as I've said
in my later reply, if either or both parties keep track of who has
been doing what for the family then sure as hell a quarrel is just
down the road. An equal partnership in marriage doesn't mean both
parties split the finances and housework down in half, if you keep
a mental count of "damm, I had to do the laundry again today" or
"damm ! she never do the dishes and messed up the place again" ...
then of course, sooner or later cracks would appear ...
As the chinese saying goes, it's easy to get along, but it's
quite another to stay under the same roof, all the quirks starts
tumbling out. Each one of us would have some annoying personal
quirks and habits that the other party finds very annoying, for all
you know, this chap's wife may well have been biting her teeth and
bending over backwards about some annoying quirks of her husband,
like in my case the after hours drinking with clients and friends,
my ciggy habit, my noctournal fishing sorties, my snoring, etc. If
you start being "historical" on your partner, the other partner
certainly would get "historical" on you too, and all these little
things from both parties would come tumbling out, and then chickens
would fly, dogs would jump, and the neighbours would make a noise
complaint to the cops, and the bad feelings would fester
....
Stupid ? ... Spineless ? ... give it a shot when it's your turn
mate.
Depends.
If wife earns same salary as you - would you still want to spend
100% on all household expenses? Maybe one should say that the
husband should be the one who brings home the bread. But wouldn't
it be fair if the wife isn't calculative all the time. Maybe if the
husband parked him car at the underground park - forgot to bring
some small change and ask the wife to pay - no big deal right? But
yeah, I have heard stories from a friend who tells me his wife is
so calculative that even if he had forgotten to bring small change
to pay for parking - she wouldn't take any coins out from her purse
to pay. That bad.
Or I heard a story of a boyfriend/girlfriend. Boyfriend decided
to go for full time study while the girlfriend is working. Last
time when boyfriend was working - he used to foot the bill on all
outings - movies/dating/dining. Now he is studying and got no
income - so he ask the girlfriend if they can go dutch - meaning
50/50 on dinner. The girlfriend said to him - that he must foot the
whole dinner because he is the provider. Boyfriend was shock
because he is studying and he cannot affort while girlfriend is
working. He also say last time he used to spend a lot of money to
buy girl friend lots of clothes/presents/dating. He wonder why she
treat her back like this?
So ultimately Man wants to become provider but if Woman start to
become calculative like the two story above - Man start to wonder
if the Woman thinks of him as an ATM or sugardaddy rather than a
husband that she loves and cherish as an equal partner.
If wife earns the same as the husband - perhaps she can chip in
30%. That is fair enough.
For sure every man of the family - wants to chip in some money
in pay for his own hobbies. Unless he is very gifted with high
salary or business income - he would have to allocate some cash for
himself. Like a man - likes to enjoy buying a nice golf set/
nice car/ nice clothes/ nice watches/ give some allowances back to
his parents.
