I am a guy approaching my 30s. I have been trying to find the
right girl for me until now I have yet to find. I am not disclosing
my race nor my nationality. All I am saying is that where I am - I
am not progressing.
1) I went after this girl at church. We went out for few dates.
Then she said to me that she is not interested in me and we should
be friends. So I agreed. however after I attended a church meeting.
Her brother in law didn't like me - when I went in one of their
meetings - he slammed the door to my face. And then the some of the
church members became very hostile towards me. This made me
discouraged to make my first move for fear of being flamed.
2) I met this girl who work for a bank at a church camp. I got
her phone number through the address book. I contacted her in
effort to make conversation. Then her text messages became more and
more longer to reply: sometime 1 day or 2 day. After 3 or 4
calls - she never pick up. I gave up.
3) I attend another church. Met this 25 year old girl. At first
she was very nice to me. We chatted. Then she ask me out a few time
but unluckily at the time my boss force me to work long hours. I
had to say no. Then this other 25 year old guy at the church went
after her. She became very show off to me and told me that she want
this guy over me. This lady go and bargain high high price at
me.
4) I did work two years serving the church. Suddenly this lady -
she is in her 40. She suddenly ask me out many many times. At first
she needed my help to shift some furniture and escort her to
church. So I gentleman escorted her. Then she became more
aggressive started asking me out more often. Then the church people
also wanted to match make me with her. The church leader go and
make a meeting appointment for all church members but nobody turn
up except this lady and me. Then she propose we go out together. I
turn her down because it starting to make us look like a
couple.
I am not interested in lady in (4) because I am looking for a
girl who is in her late 20s or at least early 30s - I want to start
a family. I got many friend who marry at 35 or 36 with wife of same
age now struggling to have babies because of the age. Anyway, I
know this 40 year old lady for 1 year, i know I am not interested
in her because she is very different from me. Moreover she is older
than me. I don't want to marry somebody older than me
5) I met this girl at the office. About 6 month ago. She broke
up with her boyfriend. They had an argument and boyfriend gave her
a blackeye. So i was so excited to make my move. I decided to chat
more with her. At first ok. Then I decided to ask her out. Suddenly
some co worker became very hostile at me. They started to mock me.
She also became very unfriendly to me and treated one guy at the
office better than me. After valentine day - she accepted that guy
as her new boyfriend.
At first I pursue her. But she kept avoiding me. She instead
delegate one lady to distract me. This lady keep on asking me out.
I am not interested in her. Because the lady she delegate to
distract me - like to go night club and get drunk. She is quite a
drunkerd.
Conclusion:
I am frustrated. So many years here wasted. Cannot find
life partner. So hard to find. I go to gym and diet to make myself
look good. I dress well. I even go and study MBA to improve my
skills. I go and serve in the church. In the end - what do I
have to answer for? A 40 year old spinster lady?
On the other hand. My older 40 year old brother who is so
so straight guy. He never had girlfriend before. He is so innocent.
Apparently he was still a virgin. Then when he migrated to
Australia - he met one ang moh lady. Within two week they became a
couple. Within 1 year they got married. The ang moh lady even
younger than him.
I have been here for 30 years and cannot even find a girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. Mankind have existed for over million year and
still able to find life partner to continue the human race.
Nowaday, woman is getting more affluent. Make it impossible to find
life partner.
I am thinking of going to Australia to find life partner. Over
here (may not be singapore) it is getting impossible. I am not
getting any younger.
Why is it always like this:
1) Why cannot find boy and girl like each other and then
progress from there? Instead have to find girl that bargain high
price - chase her then always get rejected.
2) Why always I like the girl but the girl don't like me?
Ironically those lady I don't like, they like me? And these lady
who like me normally are too old (I want to find a lady who is of
child bearing age and very important I must have chemistry).
Using similar
methodology of changing the 'external' environment will not help
very much unless you gain certain insights on what's inside to
amend and evolve before things could realistically improve.
Attempts made to dress well, look good, beef up in gym are positive
improvements. However, then again, these are still external changes
to certain extend, which may not be the root of issue you need to
resolve to help you move forward.
Then again, it's hard to understand what is require to evolve from
within unless you know the real reason why you are constantly
rejected (given the fact that nobody here knows you personally).
The reality is that we will never know for sure and the only
probable way of finding that conclusion is through deep-honest
reflection, which may run into problems of seeing things through
tinted lens and our individual blind spots.
I have some points for you to think about:
(i) You do seem to be able to secure dates; just that the deal
falls through (somehow) after a couple of sessions. Hence, I see
this as an interaction, chemistry and/or personality related issues
that require 'intervention', which are in fact internal
issues.
(ii) Your source of dates comes from the same stream (church). Even
though you dated different people, but the environment is largely
the same, which means that diversity is limited. Instead of
migration, what you could do is to expand this stream beyond that
of church. However, this does not change point (i) raise
above.
It is natural for some people to be anxious, if they feel that they
are not 'achieving' a classic lifespan development of life (e.g.
need to have friends, need to be attached, married, have children,
etc). It is a matter of your priority and needs at this current
stage of life, which other people may not have any problem to begin
with in the first place for sympathy to occur. For example, if my
skill sets are always in demand and I am constantly employed, it's
hard for me to understand what it feels like to be retrenched and
unemployed because a fairly bias conclusion I could (not
necessary will) make is that this person is probably 'inferior',
thus he is eliminated by competition.
Also, you have quite precise expectation of what you want for a
partner, but be careful about letting these expectations govern
your dating experience when it should be the other way round. It is
totally anti-seductive when a woman feels that a man is constantly
checking her out based on his expectation of what he wants because
in this equation, there is nothing about the woman
herself.
Be aware not to transform your needs into a self absorbed imaginary
of your own individualism. 
Cheers
