I have a lady friend whom I've known for 7 years. We knew each
other while working at the same place back then. We both got along
well.
Some 4 years later, I develop feelings for her. After a month of
consideration, she told she cant accept me for fear that she will
lose me as a friend if our relationship dont work out. I understand
that its nearly impossible to be friends after a break up. Though
she broke my heart, I never hated her or hold grudges against her
for that. I respected her decision. She told me she hoped we could
remain friends even after this incident. I'm fine with that but it
will take some time for me to get over her since we are working in
a same place and see each other almost everyday.
And so the next 18 months have been rather difficult for me as I
was struggling to get over her while still remain friends. There
are times when I would ignore her at work as I need to withdraw
myself from her in order for me to move on. That has always been
the most effective method for me if I need to forget about a girl.
But since we are still in the same place, it was one hell of a
challenge for me. Each time when I stop talking to her or ignore
her, even its just for short time, she would get very upset. She
would tend to tell other girls in our place about me not talking to
her. It seems that I'm somehow important to her even though Im just
a friend. Like as if me not communicating with her is a big issue
to her.
And so now, we are no longer working in the same place and working
in different places. We are still friends, she even told me she
consider me her close guy friend. Thats something no other girls
had ever said to me. We both shared personal problems and secrets.
Some of my friends advised me to treasure this friendship with this
girl even though I failed to make her my gf.
I know many people would say that Im one of those guys who will
always remain in the "friend" zone with girls. As bad as it sounds,
perhaps there is a good thing to it. At least I dont have to deal
with her ugly side, which she warned me she tends to act in such a
way in a relationship.
So my point here is, though she is attached with a guy, she still
wants me in her life. She make it seems that I am one of those
people who mattered to her in her life. Im really touched, and I
appreciate it. I do love her as a friend. I never had any girls
treating me in such a sweet way. Being her close friend is like a
"2nd place" thingy. Do I really matter to her much judging by how
things have been going on between me & her? She might be sad if
I really leave her.
If you don't believe
in existence of platonic friendship in a purist way, then you
probably never will. It's hard to 'develop' it because you just
can't believe in it solely from one dimension unless there are
major tweaks in your overall belief and coping system in love. It
is not impossible - just that the bar of change is significantly
high to pursue. It can be done, just notably arduous to
sustain.
The point of you needing to be 'separated' from her presence is
ultimately a coping measure - which is rather commonly employed.
Perhaps she could do it because she holds a separate belief system,
in addition to the fact that she is not romantically linked to you.
That makes her easier to decide if she wants to keep the
friendship, yet without having to struggle intensively like
you.
But you are not her: you have to decide if this choice of yours
is delaying your development in love (with other people). If I were
to be brutely honest, it is likely that both of you probably acts
as a buffer for mutual emotional support to certain extend - just
no title to officiate your role.
Of course, if one part of your soul feeds on that tiny ray of
hope, thinking that 'for as long as you are in the queue, you might
actually end up somewhere', then don't be disappointed if things do
not turn out to be the way you desired because you made the choice
to stand in that queue when you could have easily walk away.
Cheers
