Hi TS,
it makes me sad to read your story. I can identify with you,
because I went through the same things as you. I have a mum and a
brother. Are you the elder one? I’m guessing you are, because that
could explain why your mum has heaped so much expectations on you.
Even if you aren’t, the fact that you are girl would account for
her relying on you so much more than on your brother. She is alone
without her husband, afterall. And having to handle everything
herself is no easy task.
From your story, I can tell she has extreme and unpredictable
mood swings. It seems she doesn’t know what to do and how to handle
it. She is definitely stressed. How old is your mum? She might be
menopausal. It STILL doesn’t make it right
for her to verbally abuse you though, but I do think she loves you
too much, and the only way she knows to hold you in to her, is to
throw out verbal abuse. To make you feel small and need guidance
(from her). I don’t think she consciously does this to hurt you
though.
She may be hurt that she’s ‘losing’ you – parents seldom
relinquish control when their youngsters are grown up and ready to
fly the coop.
I don’t know what to do if I were in your situation. I went
through all these when I was younger, and now things aren’t so hard
as my mum has mellowed, and I have learnt to understand her more.
All I can say is, HOLD ON. You can and will
do it. Time will get things better.
When my mum was like extreme crazy (when I was younger), I used
to get into a lot of fights and arguments with her. I was never
those kinds of rebellious ah-lians and all that, but she would
bring out the rebellious streak in me. I would be mouthy, rude and
mean-tempered with her (and anyone else who tried to interfere). I
never came home on time from school, preferring to roam about
outside (alone) until just before dinner time. And anytime we got
on each others’ nerves, I would go in the room and shut the door to
steam. LOL. Better that than to fight
back.
Meanwhile, DON’T CUT, OK? If it really hurts so much you need another
venue to release your pain, do something that is NOT
SELF-HARM. Force yourself to exercise. Or pick up a new
hobby, listen to music, write, email your online buddies,
whatever.
You are always welcome to email me if you wanna, but I can’t
exactly help you, can just share with you what I did =)
JY!
