Whilst browsing HubPages, I've seen a lot of hubs detailing ways
to get your ex back, ways to make him love you again, how to use
voodoo to force someone into loving you for eternity, etc. But
ironically, not too many words about the opposite advice.
Sometimes, it's not a good idea to get your ex back. When
you love someone, this is a hard decision to come to. Some find it
impossible and go back to the same person over and over again. But
I'm here to tell you this isn't always the best decision for you.
Whether you're waiting for the one you lost to change (ahem, see
below for that one) or you just can't stay away, here are
the top 5 reasons why you should NOT get back with your
ex.
1) It didn't work out in the first place for a
reason.
Think about why you broke up. Think about all the problems you had
with your ex. Did his inability to keep a job drive you crazy? Was
it her incessant flirting with other guys, despite her love for
you, that made you end it? Or maybe you just fought constantly over
everything from dinner plans to whether or not Pluto is a
planet.
When you're considering rekindling that flame with your ex lover,
think about what set you over the edge. What made your relationship
unfixable. Is that something you really want to go back to? Time
makes us forget all the bad and only remember the good--but you did
break up with your ex for a reason. Consider those reasons before
crawling back.
2) Living in the past prevents you from moving
on.
You may find yourself wanting your ex back because you're currently
in a rut. You think back to the good times and wish they were still
happening--you remember moonlit dinners, trips to the Cape, and now
you're only making dessert for one instead of two (and it's much
less gluttonous to eat chocolate cake with others). We all get
stuck in the past every now and then, and while a little nostalgia
can keep us going in the really bad times, thinking about what
happened long ago is no good reason to get your ex back.
Moving on is often the best medicine after a break up. Dwelling on
what's already happened will never move you forward in
life--imagine if we as humans were never able to learn from our
mistakes. We'd be doomed to make the same stupid mistake for the
rest of our lives. If we decided to pick a spouse who didn't
appreciate us, we'd be constantly picking that same type of person
forever. Doesn't that just suck? Use your ability to learn from
your mistakes to make your next relationship better and healthier
than your last, instead of repeating your last mistake.
3) Sure some couples get back together and make it work,
but how many examples are there?
You've seen it happen before. Your friend or cousin or best
friend's bridesmaid's sister had a horrid break up, then she
realized later that her ex was truly the one for her. And they got
married in a huge ceremony and lived happily ever after. Good for
them. But one example is not the norm--that's a huuuuge misnomer.
And further, do you even know the details of why the example couple
broke up in the first place? Maybe it was something silly. Or maybe
they're just the exception.
Much more often, two people get back together and realize all those
problems they had before haven't changed. He still doesn't respect
her, and she still refuses to pay for anything. Those issues that
caused your break up haven't changed. Nothing has changed. Getting
back together usually only causes a rehash of why you broke up in
the first place. Which then, leads to another break up.
4) People don't change.
I know this is a controversial topic, but I'm willing to put it out
there. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. Sure, maybe your ex would be on her
best behavior for a few weeks if you got back together; but deep
down to the core, she's still that same woman who you couldn't make
it work with. I promise you, the chances of your ex changing this
time around are next to nil. Now, yes people have the capabilities
to change--it's not an absolute. People can change their clothes,
their hairstyle, even aspects of their personality. But change has
to come from inside yourself (and even if you want to change, it is
DARN hard).
Your ex will not change for you. Her personality, her bad habits,
the way she truly is when nobody's watching, 99.9876% of the time
those are traits people won't change. You are much better off
finding a partner who you don't want to change. A good relationship
starts when you accept the other person for who they are, when all
the walls are down, when you've seen them at their best and worst,
and you love them just the way they are.
5) Don't settle for somebody who couldn't keep you
around in the first place.
Even if your ex was the one who initiated the break up and left you
heartbroken, this main idea still applies. Either way, one of you
wanted to break up and the other went along with it. There was
something in your relationship that made it not work for one of
you, so being with your ex wasn't exactly an ideal situation. So
why should you settle for such a situation?
The bottom line is that there was a break up. Break up means
something was wrong beyond the little annoyances. And all of this
says that you can find someone better for you. Someone who won't
want to break up with you, or who you won't want to break up with.
Never settle or deny yourself future happiness. Even if you can't
see it now, you will find someone else. You can find someone who
treats you better than your ex did. But in order for that to
happen, you have to move on and not get back together with your
ex.
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Press forward! All the Best to you! :)
