Hi,
I am here because I have no one to turn to so I am sharing my
story here and hope someone will be listening.
I have been married for 3 1/2 yrs. Initially I am enjoying what
I have (Our newly renovation flat, my caring wife, I have a car to
drive. Although I dislike my job)
However over this 3 1/2 yrs things have changed, and this is
what I feel. We have a lovely baby at the beginning of the year and
because of that, my wife pay a lot of attention to him. She will
clean the house amount everyday because she want to make sure that
the environment is clean for the baby. She is a very good mum which
I don't think I can do thing to that extreme. (still many thing she
did for our baby but too long to put in word here)
At time I began to get jealous with my baby (just jealous but
still I love him like most father do) as most of the attention was
switch to our baby. Here focus was on him every min and I know she
always miss him as he was taken care by my in law. I have even
suggested before that she go to her mother place to stay just to be
with him but she don't want just because she say she don't want to
lift me alone at home. (I really appreciate that)
However when she is at home she is always doing housework,
watching Taiwanese TV show and we have no time together. The
worst thing is whenever I request for sex she rejected me, telling
me she is very tired but she keep watch tv till 12am plus plus.
Sometime she agree to it but she was always asking me to be faster
and she mention I just want to get over it. I am really hurt as
isn't sex part of what a married couple need and yet she is giving
me the feeling of I am always forcing her?
I am really lost and I do not know what to do. When I talk to
her, just 2-3 min she get angry and saying all the bad habit I have
rather than solving our problem. There no way problem can be solve
when she do not want to listen and solve them.
Nowadays there are thinking coming into my mind. I am thinking
whether have I married the corrrect girl. I have started to look at
girls on the street thinking whether I can find a better option and
what I need. I am thinking but controlling as we have a baby now. I
am not saying I don't love my wife anymore but she is showing me
that kind of feeling that I am not needed and I do not want to left
alone and lonely. I am scare of being lonely.
Husbandless,
Rest assured.. all these problem shall pass. Be more patient.
Now you need to be extremely supportive to her
needs.
If her needs are not fulfilled.. she cannot fulfill
yours.
While she is trying her best to be a good mother.. are you doing
your best to be a good father ?
Your wife is going through a nesting period. Very normal for new
mothers.. some start before birth some start after child birth.
Your job is to be as supportive as you can.
I do not know what kind of bad habits she complained about..
just remember this ..baby's needs come first. Safety, health
and well being is non-negotiable.
You need to show you are doing your best to keep your baby safe
and healthy too.
Help her set up the child proofing, keeping the environment
clean and free of hazards.
If you do anything to counteract what she is trying to achieve..
you will be frowned upon or be told off if she is more verbal type.
Let her know you will change your bad habits because you want what
is best for your family too.
The reason why you married her.. and have a child with
her.. is because you believe she is the right woman to be your
child's mother. So let her do her job.
Your baby cannot take care of himself yet.. you are a grown man
and is capable of taking care of yourself. Please don't
compete against a helpless child. Doing so will only make you look
very undesirable in her eyes. It shows your selfish side.. that you
only care about your own needs.
I understand you probably feel she is highly critical of you
..so your ego/self-worth is negatively affected. Everyday is like
walking on egg shells.. yes ? You are not alone.
A lot of new fathers hav hard time adjusting to their new life..
because men don't like changes, men like routines. But having a
newborn throws everything out of whack. Babies don't read the
clock.. they function on- demand.
When your baby become less dependent.. things will slowly go
back to normal. But you don't want to ruin it now. It will take
years to rebuild what you easily destroyed.
Your wife watch Taiwanese movie.. because she needs some "Me"
time.
Between.. work, housework, baby, in-laws, husband.. she hardly
has time for herself.
In order for a woman to take care of her family.. she needs to
take care of her self first.
If you want your wife to be more intimate.. you need to work
your magic.
Show her your support love and care, instead of your grumbles
and demand. Step up and be a good man.. when the chaos is over..
she will realise what a great man she married.
I don't know what is your financial situation.. but I suggest
lifting some burdens from her.. so she don't feel so
overwhelmed.
Hire a maid or have your in-laws come stay at your place.
Separation anxiety is a huge problem with working
mothers.
Best yet.. let her be a full time mom. Men with full time wife..
typically enjoys better sex life.
She is not enjoying sex.. because she is not feeling sexy. Help
her regain her self-confidence . Making her frustrated with your
selfish demands and childish antics puts off any exhausted
woman.
No woman can resist a wonderful supportive man.
Give .. so you can receive.. not so you can take.
Having a new baby is very rough on a woman. Changes in
hormonal.. physical.. emotional.. husband also change...she has to
struggle with a lot of changes..
New mothers are very fragile, if you are not careful... she may
suffer from/develop Post Natal Depression.
