Stumbled upon this some months ago, thought it was very
meaningful, so do stop for a moment and chew on this. :p
REGRETS OF THE DYING
For many years I worked in palliative care. My
patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly
special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to
twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I
learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some
changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as
expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually
acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they
departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would
do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are
the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the
courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected
of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that
their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy
to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not
honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it
was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams
along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too
late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no
longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work
so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their
children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also
spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation,
many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the
men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on
the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along
the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you
do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and
more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new
lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the
courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with
others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and
never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many
developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they
carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people
may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking
honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and
healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy
relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in
touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends
until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track
them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that
they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were
many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort
that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships
slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the
physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their
financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or
status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get
things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually
though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is
all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all
that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let
myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the
end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old
patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity
overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.
Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves,
that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh
properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long
way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile
again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose
wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(Source: http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html)
