I can't seem to manage my life properly. Everytime I wake up to
go to a job, I keep thinking 'what's the point' and morever, I
can't seem to keep a job long enough. It's like they dislike me so
much but then again, all my life, people has been hating on me for
no reason, calling me ugly or stupid.
I need to get this out but when I was through late primary's, I
started to grow lots of pimples and people keep commenting I look
really haggard whenever they see me. I also started to grow abit
fatter but never mind, my studies wasn't as good as the others so I
was sort of an easy punching bag for them. They would keep
criticising my appearance and even booed me when there was a time I
went up a stage to collect my progress award for improvement in my
studies. I once participate in a sporting event and came in last
and the class leader was so mad, he made others spat venom at me.
He was the ambitious type and not surprisingly, he is now at a good
place in life unlike me.
So it continued it's downward spiral and I hardly have any
friends, still I do have one or two but they were like me, failing
in almost every aspect in life but right now, they are trying their
best to pick themselves up. But honestly speaking, I think they are
much luckier in the sense they have a supporting family unlike
mine, keep pushing me down and even spreading every failures that I
have to relatives or friends and even accuse me of being a problem
child but during the time in primary school, I was constantly being
move to one primary school to another because of family
problems.
Of course my secondary school experience was like a slap in the
face and because of all these, I became a dull, depressed and
permissistic person. All in my mind I am constantly thinking of
being a shut-in and not face anyone out there.
"Girls have it easier"
Give me a break, I have never had a relationship and being in
one is like being able to stay in a job permanently which is
equivalent to a perfect fit for both parties but with my social
anxiety/ocpd, depression which was developed throughout the years,
it's really hard to be feeling somewhat satisfied and with the high
rising costs of today, I really don't know if a species like me
would be able to survive in a country, in a world, where people
would love to see you get beat down and not stand up.