abby, it seems like you're in a really difficult position. It's
definitely not easy being you, but do this, be positive and
continue to be strong. Here are some things that you may want to
consider...
1) A person cannot survive without money. If he refuse to work,
then do NOT give him money. Secretly stash away something for
yourself and the child. Stop cooking once a while and let him go
hungry. Let's see how long he can last.
2) Understand this (there are scientific evidence backing this
reasoning out so if you want proof, go google). If you're hanging
out with people with bad mood, you will be influenced and your mood
will drop. If you're hanging with happy lively people, similarly
your mood will be positively affected, you will be happier. Saying
this, it's good for you to start having some social life with
positive friends if your husband continues to be a bad
influence on your life, as in causing unhappiness. Then again,
you might be able to start putting a happy positive thinking
attitude in the hope that he will be positively influenced, but if
it doesn't work, then just concentrate on your own life. Look, I do
not condone divorce but in some cases, this can be the
solution.
3) I think it's important for couples to find a suitable day,
when both are feeling ok (or in a good mood), and start a heart to
heart discussion about the issues on hand. Both have to agree as a
team and commit towards solutions for the problems on hand. Some
mistakes couples make is when they come to discussion, they usually
play the blame game. This is NO time for blaming. This is the time
for both to take responsibilities for their own lives and strive
towards a common goal.
4) Some mistakes people make is jumping to assumptions. Is there
maybe some chance that what you think may be wrong? For example, he
may be looking for a job but he couldn't get an interview yet? Or
maybe he really loves you but he's so stressed and depressed over
his current situation and he doesn't know how to express it? Guys
and girls think differently. For example, when a guy is sad, he
won't cry in front of you. He will hide his feelings and want to be
alone (perhaps the real reason why he don't want to sleep with
you). The fact that he suggests moving to JB hints at the fact of a
quick solution to solving the problems. Usually when guys are
stressed out, they tend to find a quick fix instead of a long term
solution, so really maybe he's depressed but he didn't want to
show. I mean guys are like that, they don't reveal their true
feelings.
5) This is the most important advice that I can ever give to
you. A man who beat or physically abuse a lady is not a man, he's a
coward monster, no matter what the reason. So my suggestion to
you is that if he hurts you physically, it's time to move on. While
you're still young, you can still find a nice guy who will take
care of you and give you monthly allowances to spend on
necessities. It is damn stupid to keep wasting your life and then
regret when you're like 60 years old, by then you're running out of
time and choices.
And finally, be strong and be positive. Every problem will pass
eventually, you just need to endure and overcome it.
