how do i deal with my current ns life?

xcorrer SG

halo. before i continue, i wud aprpeciate if the ppl reading this wont flame me for what im gonna post. also i wud appreciate if i can get meaningful advises. lastly this is not a made-up story. this is what i am facing, or going to face soon.

currently im a pes e clerk in 1 of the saf camps. im working in a hq so mostly stay out 8-530 office work. i was in a much better working environment aft my pes e bmt ended. 3 months later i got reposted to the hq of the same camp. life was different since then.

right now im just the only clerk...no the only nsf in the office with 2 dxos.. sometimes i feel super lonely and depressed. recently got arrowed to do so many things like collect 32 diff parade states and oso compile the duty planning for the 32 diff sub units. i dont see this as much of the problem but now only my problem starts.

my family background: my dad is working 2 jobs to run the family income.. his main job has 2 shifts. if the shift is morning, he will work as a security at 7pm to 7am in the next morning. so whole night he not home. im the only child. 1 rm give rental cos havent settle hdb. what will happen in may is my father got 1 mentally retarded sis in her 50s.. she is so worst until need to wash for her after going to toilet and need to bath her as she dont know how to bath. before enlistment she got stay here for 3 months and my mom take care of her. in a week's time my mom going for a major surgery... doc said aft surgery she cannot carry anythin more than 4kg on a long run. and she need to be at the bed for the first few months aft operations..

now i just found out i need to do ops duty in the hq. 24 hours one... how can i stay out if my family situation like that? i need to take care of my household works. planning to sacrifice my weekend to take care of the mentally retarded aunt, and my mom cos of her surgery. i talked to my superior as she is my boss dxo8. she said she will look into it and see what she can do. maybe post me back to my prev environment.. aft this what can i do ah? who should i approach now. im not asking money from saf but i need to serve the nation and also my family as its my first priority. i cant let just my mom and the mentally retarded aunt at home for one night right? sigh...

Vote PAP OUT to Save SG SG

Next time you in civilian life even worse.

[imdestinyz] SG

may i ask which unit u are in?

Shotgun SG

Call SAF helpline. There should be ways and means that the SAF can help u.

Rickor SG

take what you have said and see a MO. if MO still cannot help you, last resort go MMI

Darkness_hacker99 SG

The title of this thread will change when the time is right

Call4ljw SG

take what you have said and see a MO. if MO still cannot help you, last resort go MMI

The problem is with his family and not him, going to MO will not help.

Rickor SG

firstly he needs a stay out status to settle his family problem. the only way to get this is through a MO. if the MO does not believe him, he needs to see a psychologist first. go government hospital and see..its free.

Call4ljw SG

Did you tell the DXO that it is urgent?

If no reply for long time, must remind the DXO.

Jiuziji SG

Always remenber to save yourself first before you could save others.Sometimes you must be selfish a bit.I believe God will forgive you.

ulquiorra87 SG

Oh man i feel for you, you really shouldn't take on all these problems by yourself.. You need external help.. don't be afraid to ask for help.. Your situation is uniquely external this is a tough one for the forumers to advice you on

Dr Language SG

Your mother is truly a good and exceptional person, I have never heard of an in-law would help to bath and change her sister in law.

You must realise the reality that you and your family cannot take care of your auntie forever. It is not your SAF job that is distracting you from your responsibilities: it is for any other job. One day you probably want to get married and have kids - you won't have any time for your auntie. Your parents would be too old and not strong enough to take care of your auntie.

THerefore, your family needs to find a good nursing home to take care of your auntie. You can send your auntie to one of those charitable homes or private homes that have full time nursing and elderly care facilities.

Having said this, you should not forget your responsibility as nephew and make an effort to visit your auntie like once a week, bring her favourite cakes and fruits and see if the nursing home is doing a good job of taking care of her.

xcorrer SG

Your mother is truly a good and exceptional person, I have never heard of an in-law would help to bath and change her sister in law.

Thanks for ur kind words. Ya we visited to old age homes here in sg and they told us they cant accept cos of the condition being too bad. She is 52 this year. We enquire IMH cos there they accept in-patient but too ex $75 per day. We even go to a home in JB and they dont mind accepting. The thing is its $1.5k monthly. My dad and his bro must split payment. We went to MCYS and his bro die die dont wanna share. He say he don wanna come money for that. So now we goin thru govt lawyers cos in the prev short term agreement state if any opportunity of home comes both party must come to an agreement. He breach so we gonna go where we can lor. But the lawyer said since the contracts states 50-50 custody now its our turn to take care...

also i now asking SAF to exempt me from ns or give me time off. im still willing to do office duties but just that i need to be at home at night to take care of my mom and sis in law. say something happen to my aunt then how can my mom handle all that after her op? so ya... this is my problem.

Dr Language SG

I don't think it is easy to get an exemption. On the other hand, I don't think your auntie would want you to waste your youth to take care of her. I am sure she wants the best for you and for you to start a new adventure in your life, not to be bogged down taking care of her. Having said this, of course, she wants you to visit her constantly and be an emotional support for her. This is your duty as nephew.

Is there any charitable organization that may accept her for less maintenance fees? The downside of cheaper nursery homes is that the risk of them mistreating her. About the nursery in JB, better make thorough check to see if they are legal and have the proper facilities to take care of your auntie. I heard of a case of a Malaysian mother who sent her 18 year old son suffers from celebral palsy to an illegal nursery home in Malaysia, only to find out 3 months later that her son died from incessant physical abuse. I am not wanting to scare you but there is that risk of nursery homes mistreating their patients. So you have to check their permits and license to see if they are qualified. Malaysian nursery homes may be cheaper but they may be at a higher risk because they are not regularly vetted like those of Singaporean nursery homes.

xcorrer SG

I undst but my situation is bad now. We dont even have 1 room for her. My dad sleeps with her in the living room. I talked to my dxo she said she will do what she can. Im sure SAF can help its just whether they want or dont. U see 1 clerk do an average duty of 1 duty per day... Its more towards my lost than their gain. If still they want to ask me do duty then i must seek for post out. If i ask for charity it will be hoohah. She is mentally retarded so she dont know who is who except my dad. She got skin infection too. My mom can and dad can take care but my mom now going to do a major op and dad working 2 jobs. Im not making m problem big im just sayin how it is.

angel7030 SG

This sound politics, just vote the opposition lah

xcorrer SG

hi agn guys...

alrdy told my dxo abt my probs before my long leave of 3 days. she wants some hardcopy abt my mum's surgery report and aunt's mental illness proof. all i have alrdy. i went to other threads and seems like the solution will take months? im not bein hasty but...i cant afford to wait till that... what shld i do? shld i keep remind her? will my dxo get pissed abt it? i tlk to the ops encik and he also like not happy but he said if got letter from my boss (idk who) then can excused... whats my next step plz...?

blacknblue SG

This ops duty is not forever right? How long is it going to be? You cannot be the only clerk over there right? There must be some rotating shifts. Perhaps they have certain manpower constraints so they cant just agree without any concrete evidence to proof what you are saying is true.

If i'm not wrong stay-out can be approved by CO of your unit. But do not jump the chain of command, when your DXO rejects your application for stay out. Just politely voice out that you need to speak to CO for your matter. Don't be afraid to ask your DXO about the status of your issue. Just inform her that this is quite urgent and everything. Normally there are certain steps that they must follow before granting you stay-out, such as house visiting etc.

If all fails, call the SAF HOTLINE. Or approach MP, you don't know it might just help as elections just passed :)

Almond Cookies SG

Call SAF hotline can le.