post pw stress HELP

uber_troubled SG

as the title says, i really need help for post-pw stress. PW results are coming pretty soon, i dont really know when but should be around April (which is what my teacher says) and i am very very VERY stressed out now.

Im the leader of my group and we did this project on decreasing fast food consumption using a mob with fast food costumes and stuff like that. That aside, what is really stressing me out is my group's view of me since the start. It seems to me that they dont really like since the start, and ever since the start of PW, i have been feeling this...ok i cant explain this feeling but its really very crappy, and until now i havent really told anyone about this. Everytime i ask them what have i been doing wrong, or how i can improve, they just wont say anything, and still continue treating me like im some sort of burden. Take for instance this one time, i tried to liven up the mood by telling a joke because we are closing on our presentation date and everybody was really stressed, nobody laughed. But when another of my group member said the same joke a few days later, they all laughed. So yea, basically they dont like me.

So i asked my other friends, and they said that one guy in particular dont really like me because everytime my teacher shoots our group down, i will give that "emo" face and he doesnt like it because as a leader, im the last person who should be doing that. Noted.

One of the girls, and i dont know why, especially hates me. From what her friends say, once she hates you, she hates you forever. So im like " ok cant get on her bad side", but it was too late. AND until now, i still dont know what she doesnt like about me(or whther or not she does not like me, because i hardly talk to her now.). From what i see in the messages we sent(its easy because i have an iphone), everything was okay until like 2 weeks before oral presentation(i actually got the impression that she doesnt like me since the start), but yea, we were talking about the video, where she asked me to upload it to youtube so she could download it, then when i went back and uploaded it, she said that she has already edited the original one to suit the computer and is not using mine, and then i replied, "ok, nevermind, we will see how first tomorrow, for now you just rest ba, thanks for your hardwork! =D" and her reply was " please stop saying "see how"", so i said sorry, and she replied "yeah wtv". So please please PLEASE tell me if she doesnt like me, and i know my phrasing is kind of bad she it isnt apprpriate. Also, all my other classmates (guys) are afraid of her too so yea...but she is okay with them. The last group member is okay, pretty much because she is very smart (yes we only have four people). Noted

So another thing is my classmates(i dont call them friends for a reason), keeps on "pity-ing" my other group mate, and keep on talking behind my back about me, and although i know that they are talking about me, i just dont know what they are talking about! And whenever they talk about pw, one of my classmate would just look at the other groupmate and shake his head =(.(i dont know what to do about this)

AND because of all these, i am kind of worried about the results, because if me group members dont get A, it will definitely be my fault :(

If anything, i want them to get their As, Their presentations are good, all the other written stuff are definitely better than mine so if they dont get their A, it would be me pulling them down =(

SO please help me =(

ChoCoChips SG

xmm leh u

as a leader have u tried ur best in completing ur tasks? if yes then no nid to care about them liao.

uber_troubled SG

whats xmm? and yes i tried my best in everything i did, but i guess it just wasnt enough...

ChoCoChips SG

小妹妹.

tried ur best then dont worry too much liao la.

nth much u can do about what they think abt you right?

Dawn510 SG

Hi.

Cant comment about your problems with your groupmates, I dont think I get enough info from your post. Please dont feel upset about if you had done a good job a not. carrying all the blame is v taxing to anyone. In my option, If they are not happy with your leadership or your pearsonalitity then they should have spoke up.

I believe the girl was expecting a firmer answer. As a leader of the group, they might have expected you to have a direction for the group. "see how" (edited typo) seem alittle wishy washy peharps. And not to mention, when things do not work out, more than often, teammates just turn and look at the leader for the group's next move.

Please dont be hard on yourself. Leading is never easy. U have made an effort to step up to take the role. That alone makes u far better than them who merely sits and grumple.

You can talk to your friends or teachers if you are still troubled. Dont be overly worried. PW is over. By the way, if you dont mind me asking. Do you bond well with your class? or is this just with your pw group?

uber_troubled SG

i do bond well with the rest of the class, quite close with them, do go out have lunch, watch movie and stuff like that, just a few of them i cant get along with =)

deathmaster SG

well, just wait and see lor.

if everyone get same grades, then suck thumb lor.

if everyone get different grades, then it is clear who are the better students in the group.

don't need to worry too much about it, especially when its long over le, and there's nothing you can possibly do about it.

Forbiddensinner SG

AND because of all these, i am kind of worried about the results, because if me group members dont get A, it will definitely be my fault :(

If anything, i want them to get their As, Their presentations are good, all the other written stuff are definitely better than mine so if they dont get their A, it would be me pulling them down =(

SO please help me =(

Forget it, the PW is already over. Focus on your A-lvls instead.

Just because you are the leader doesn't mean everything is your fault.

For PW, your own presentation will unlikely affect them much. For the record, there can be A1 and C5 individuals in the same group. Not that it is likely for a group who have put in ample effort to have any individuals get anything below a B4.

If they don't like you, just bear with them for another year or so, and each of you will go your own path afterwards. Your results will always be your priority, so don't let them affect it.

littlemissbonkers SG

You seem to think that if anything goes wrong it'll be your fault.

Change your mindset. It's not called group work for nothing. It's not a 1 person thing, so it can't just be your fault. IF anything does go wrong, it'll be the entire group's fault, because they are PART of the group and have to share the same responsibility.

Just because you're a leader doesn't mean that you have to take all the blame.

A leader's main role is to delegate work fairly, lead the group in a particular direction and keep them together. Not to shoulder all the burden.

So give yourself a break and trust that your efforts will pay off.

Yach SG

Dear uber_troubled,

After reading your post it seems to me that your friends are unwilling to patch up any misunderstandings, which can be easily achieved by just speaking truthfully in your presence.

Show them that you sincerely wish to change for the better, ask them what you did wrong after each practice session, thank them for pointing mistakes out, most importantly apologise to them for every mistake you do (might be hard to accomplish but that will go a long way to reduce the hate).

Hence i feel it is entirely not your fault for anything. How do they expect you to change suddenly when they refuse to let you know what they dislike without hiding anything?

As for those badmouthing people who are not even in your project group, invite them to talk too, respect their views about you. If they only choose to say them behind your back they likely have some character problems since their goals are to add salt to the wound.

Your goal is to show your friends you are willing to put in extra efforts to change for them (of course only reasonable demands should be considered), or what forbiddensinner said, just bear with them for another year and go separate paths.

Good Luck!

angel7030 SG

whats xmm? and yes i tried my best in everything i did, but i guess it just wasnt enough...

XMM is like me lor, XDD is guy lor

angel7030 SG

yo, u fail to understand what is teamwork, go for team building course ya,

angel7030 SG

Jie jie angel today teach you something lah

1. You must understand and note that there is a big differences between classmates and friends hor, so dun call everyone friends, if classmates just call classmates, classmates are not friends, this you have to be very clear. Later in working life, you also must know the different btw friends and colleagues hor, never assume that colleagues or classmates and friends are the same. When you are clear about this, you will be in a better position to deal with life