Why on earth would a person who has got everything in the world,
feel lonely? I have stacks of newspapers and lecture notes,
especially when there are others who wanted to pursue higher
education but never have the chance, yet, abet all the effort I put
into being that so called "higher attainment", all I get is grief
and more grief. I never wanted a PSLE, nor a Sec sch, nor a
college, nor a uni, and now I am heading for my Masters degree. All
I really wanted was a perrenial question since the day I learned to
walk... no there is no exaggeration. Casting glances at the world,
I just wanted things to hang on for a while, hold on for pitiful
me!
Grandma and uncles and aunties, stop aging! Cousins, stop
growing! Babies, stay cute and adorable like you were! But still,
nobody listened to me. I wanted them to obey me! Still, nobody
heard my pitiful whiner at a corner of the bedroom.
When I first entered kindergarten, I was amused to see the boys
and girls sharing toilets with partitions as high as 80cm. I could
see everything next door, I thought. When the question was brought
home, mommy why do girls have two buttocks? My mommy evaded me. In
a snap of a fingers, not only do girls who played tic tac toe with
me without any differences grown up to have another two huge hills,
some of them carry a huge weight at their stomach which makes it
two hills and a mountain. We cannot be ourselves anymore. Without
permission granted, stay 30 cm away. It occur to me that the
precepts had a tickle down effect. The oldest of the oldest should
be the most controlled, and it tickles down and the young grow up.
More and more rules and regulations.
The child in me, when he wakes up from his slumber, perennially
wants to find his so-called girl friend, and ask: Can we pretend we
do not know each other, no.. we do not know anything, and just play
marriage? I be your husband, u be my wife. For pregnancy, just use
the pillow. No don't worry we are just pretending, u will not get
pregnant when I touch your index finger, nor will I need to work
like a slave to feed our baby.
And yes! With a reassured nod, I love you! Four year old boys do
not lie to four year old girls! It is universal truth!