I have been lurking around for some time here, and I have an
issue that has been bugging me for almost a year. I do not have
anybody close enough that I can relate to, so I guess this is the
next best place to voice my emotions.
I killed a friendship I had with a lady a year back. This lady
was really somebody I truely treasured, but I killed the friendship
because I had unwittingly fell in love with her and said things
that should have been left unspoken. As a result, she wasn't too
pleased with me, and I have been avoided ever since.
I know that the correct thing for me to do is to move on. I have
tried to convince myself that all I am feeling, was just an
obsession and not true love. I have tried to push my thoughts away
by focusing on my work and trying to participate in activities with
other friends. When I am busy, I would not reminiscence about the
past and I would try to keep to a cheerful facade. But sometimes,
at night, when I am lying down in my bed, these thoughts would come
creeping towards me and I would be burdened by regrets of the
things I did in the past.
I believe in freewill, that I have no control about what other
people feel about me. I can't force a person to come back to
me nor can I control anyone's action. I also believe that there is
no point crying about spilt milk. But despite all the rules
and safe guards I have placed in my life, I turned myself into a
victim of my own emotions. Here I am, crying about spilt milk
that has probably turned sour by now.
I have thought that time heals all wounds. Sometimes it does,
but sometimes the wound seems to reopen again. For a period of
time, I felt great. But suddenly, my mind is bleeding again.
I am not asking for any help, probably just a listening ear. I
have enough I keeping this to myself, and I am trying to let this
post be an avenue to purge out this negative emotions.
Thanks for reading.
Haiz, no such thing as true luv. Why feel so guilty? Did u think
u do anything wrong? It is simple math formula. Guy like gal, gal
don;t like guy. Answer to math equation? Simple: Move on.
Why cry over worthless frenship? Had it been lost of a buddy or
close guy fren, would u give a damn? More painful because u like
the gal, isn't it?
What u did wuz natural instinct, u r a guy. Guy suppose to be
attracted to gal. If u r not attracted, then u r gay. So again what
do u feel so guilty about? For acting out of ur natural instinct as
a guy?
