My father is an alcoholic

Steven.Jialat SG

He drinks essentially everyday, usually more than 5 drinks. Can go more than 11 drinks easily when he is with friends or at ktv/pub. I dont have a problem with my drinking as I can go for days without drinking, sometimes even weeks. But here is an alcoholic who denys he has a drinking problem, the most he can go without drinking is one day, who have difficulty sleeping when not drinking. I have told him many times about his problem, even advising him to go to IMH alcoholic ward for treatment but he refuse. He spends a lot of money drinking and also on smoking, total should be over $800+ a month, sometimes more, and his income is just around $1500. Then he complains about having to pay bills and rent, which is around $300+, it is a joke because if he save just $400 on drinks and cigarettes he would have more than enough to pay the bills and rent.

Just recently he pissed in the kitchen when drunk. Sometime back he also locked the front door when drunk and in the end I couldnt get in for more than 12 hours. Is there any way I can get him to an alcoholic ward for treatment without his approval? Can the fees be 100% deducted from his medisave?

He is 59 and going to die very soon, but I dont want him to lose his mind to alcohol dementia before he dies. His years of alcohol abuse has caused his digestive system and liver to be broken, together with his smoking and love for junk food, he now looks like 79 instead of 59, which is why I say he is going to die soon. Even he admits he doesnt have much time left. But his alcoholism is causing a lot of problems which is giving me all sorts of headaches.

littlemissbonkers SG

Call the hotlines.

They'll be able to help u more

Forbiddensinner SG

Call and ask for advice.

http://singapore.angloinfo.com.sg/countries/singapore/helplines.asp

You cannot force him to go for treatment.

Even if you register him, pay for him, if he does not want to go, you cannot do anything.

You can also try getting church members to help him out by "persuading" him on a regular basis - that will actually works for some people.

Arapahoe SG

It involved community Law in Singapore so I am not sure u can get IMH to come unless someone call police for disturbance.

PedoBear SG

is his eyeballs yellow?

Rooney9 SG

he is drinking to death literally. probably cos of his low education, low income, thats why he drank like no tommorrow, even if die also no problem.

Rooney9 SG

drinking is his only past time or vice to u. if he doesnt drink, which he has develop an obsession for, what can he do when he is free, esp when he has no hobbies or activities to do when free.

maybe u can use religion and convert him. or introduce him to taiqi or qigong.

Fugazzi SG

Ts,

He is drowning and wants to go (get it?) and yet the fear keeps him draggin, trudging along and the dreary existence and the ''no-choice'' responsiblities have all overwhelmed him. He may not articulate it or express such emotions. However, it feels so and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

To enforce change in him is unwise. Accept and he may not feel good but he wont get worse with all around him imposing on him.

On the other hand, if he wants and is more than willing to change or seek treatment or substitute his drinking ways with somethine less unhealthy - encourage that.

Though it is not easy n causes emotional turmoil, please do consider if u are part of the problem or u could be unwittingly worsening it with ways u may not be privy to.

SinglishSpeaker SG

This problem about alcoholics is tua teow. Not every alcoholic who went there in this link work successfully to reduce or eliminate such terrible problem in the end. If I am you, I would ask for professional advice from his own doctor whether I could dope his alcoholic drink safely to have him TKO till he'd wake up in the morning. But however, please don't try that trick I have suggested without asking for qualified medical advice first. Drug interaction can kill anyone sometimes. So, be warned!

Steven.Jialat SG

Yes, I read it is hard to change an alcoholic. They must change themselves. I dont know if I am part of the problem but I know he is part of my problem. It is depressing to be in my slippers, we stay together in a one room rented flat, so we dont even have our own rooms. Sometimes I can hear him coughing, sighing and making all sorts of strange noise. Sometimes he bums into my bed. My mother is elsewhere and doesnt bother about me, she divorced with him long ago. I dont have many friends, I hardly have any money, am looking for a job but dont know what I should do. So to put it simply I've more problems than him yet you dont see me drinking like a mad man. Alcoholism is a disease that we normal drinkers and people dont understand. So I try to put up with him. I wish he would just lay into the coffin, really. It is better to go than to live like this.

Fugazzi SG

Ts, It is ok to be depressed, to be angry , to be ... but to apportion blame on him is simply not being fair. The emotions are yours - u own it, u can always disown it! He is merely an excuse.

Unlearn what you have been taught that someone should behave ''like this'' or ''like that'' and though it is not easy it may have u see ''things'' in yourself and your father.

Not in a million years is there going to anyone like you and the same is for your father. Yes, it is stressful but do understand that the only way he knows is how to handle that pain within him in his own way(s) and what he is now doing or not doing does not add to u (sense of self) or resonate with you.

Eschew the ''wanting'' and the ''wishing'' and though it might not get better; it certainly will give u a new way of looking at living and understand not only yourself but him and many others who may cross your path when this phase ends.

SinglishSpeaker SG

Try eating cut fruits together whilst having dinner from now onwards. Ensure that cut fruits are always different each day to make his fruit desserts much more enjoyable. Don't mix alcoholic drinks with durian! Try to improve his health with an alternative plan first for a few months and see how. Bless you both! Please forgive your own father and try to help him once more. God would love to see that you are filial to him. He will soon realize your love for him is sincere and that you change and he may finally listen to you for the last time. He drinks a lot because of insecurity. You must provide family warmness and loving care towards him in order to be much closer to you. Do you know that your father loves your mother so much so that he tries to drink to drown his worry and his regret for causing the divorce between them? When he drinks, just turn on a radio of old songs softly. Just do as I say and you will know why. Memory saddens as well as bringing happiness. Let's hope you feel much better to improve his mood when he loves old songs of memories as year goes by.

DailyFreeGames.com SG

After he stopped drinking, his organs will slowly recover, not to 100% but human resilience may surprise you… He just need to stop drinking first. How? Well, it’s hard because he doesn’t want to stop, and it’s a case of dragging a cow to a river is easy, but to force him to drink the water from the river is not so easy if the cow dun want to drink.

angel7030 SG

Alcohol was initial make as medication, just like drugs. But since then, human makes it become one of the evil of their own life. I have see many alcholics here, as early as i open my pub, they are there waiting, the same old faces, same old smells and the same old crumbles $$ notes looking for the same old smoking tables. Most are not interested in gals, music and games, just drink, smoke, drink and smoke..till early dawn, i have to ask them to go home.

Hugh Hefner SG

For a man of that age, they feel very lonely because the only friends they have is their drinking friends and the GROs at the KTV. So they plan to drink until they die. Sometimes these drinking friends can be a parasite, they prey on your father to spend the drinks and GROs on them. If he doesn't stop this, when he will grow old and weary, may damage his liver and even to the point of risking himself to cancer or worse, stroke that may lead to brain hemmoraging.

Try to be there for your father and yes if you have to, take him to IMH or even a phychiatrist. Do not underestimate the power of addiction to alcohol, it is very strong. You may not understand but your father has to mountain to climb to get rid of his years of addiction. There is no easy way. You have to find religion for him and his family has to be there for him.