Hi all, I am
StressBoy, a Singaporean, thank you very much for reading this, any
helpful advice, comment or feedback will be sincerely appreciated
thanks. Lastly, sorry for being very longwinded here and my poor
language used here.
I have been facing the following
problem, it’s causing me to be stressed and sad everyday and
sometimes also angry with myself whenever I think about it. This is
sadly a daily affair because it’s a life problem regarding my
parent’s and my future.
My Background
info:
Father: 60+ years
old, only primary school education, working as a private school bus
driver earning about 3K/mth or maybe a little more. He is going to
retired in about a few years time as his bus is going to reach its
maximum usage age thus needs to be scrapped. And it cost too much
to buy a new or secondhand bus as business is not as good as before
too many competitors. Not sure what he is going to do after that or
just retire and enjoy his old age as he should deserve it, he has
been working hard for most of his life, wakes up 5am comes back at
8+pm. I am proud and thankful of him.
Mother: 50+ years
old, only primary school education, housewife and follows my dad’s
bus as a conductor, sadly about 3 years back she suddenly gotten
Kidney Failure due to the cause of taking too many medicines since
young as my mum has not been a very healthy person, she for example
has asthmas. She now can only live if she has a kidney transplant
or do not miss her kidney dialysis sessions every week which is
very sad. She now has to go Kidney Dialysis 3 times a week at a
private dialysis clinic, which cost about $200 each time so tats
about $2400/mth excluding medicines, checkup and monthly doctor
appointments. Luckily she has a government insurance called
“medishield” I think to subsidize her maximum of $1000 every month,
but this subsidization has a limit of I think 200K then we are on
our own. Therefore, for now my dad still can handle her bills. We
tried asking about NKF, but due to my father’s earning it will only
be just a little lesser than the private one she is going now which
has a good professional doctor and staff and also I heard that NKF
staffs are sometimes volunteers in my opinion is not good as it’s a
matter of life and death if you what I am trying to say, I believe
Life > Money.
Elder Brother:
Late twenties, Married, earning about I think 3 to 4K/mth excluding
his wife, not sure how much she earns. Has a flat with his wife far
away from us. But problem is that his wife controls as in really
control all his cash and him, so he has never contributed to the
family income since he worked. I am not very close with him due to
the age gap, to me he is the root to my main problem as being the
eldest son he doesn’t even contribute a single cent even when now
my mum has such a serious and expensive illness. But, my mum is ok
with that as he is her most favorite son as long as he comes back
home to see her she will be very happy already, but sadly such as a
easy task he also can’t do due to him been overly controlled by his
wife, he doesn’t come back much like only 1 or 2 times a month
that’s all. So when my dad retires my parents only has me to depend
on, which I don’t think I can handle such important and heavy
responsibilities on my own.
Lastly Me: I am,
male, single, 21 years old this year, when I entered NS, I started
thinking about my future and all these problems started to surface.
I will ORD or finish my NS next year August. I have a Electrical
and Electronic Diploma (DEEE) from the Singapore Polytechnics with
a GPA of 2.8. But I do not like engineering, just got into the
course because I followed my friends, which is one of the bad
decisions I made in life. This GPA is not enough to get me into a
local university unless it’s a private one like SIM or MDIS. I
currently do not know what I want to work as or have a dream job,
but I know I do not want to sign on as a regular for the SAF as I
need to be in Singapore at all times in case of an emergency at
home as my brother is either very hard to contact or nearly
impossible to get to.
Thank You again for your patience
for reading the above, I just wanted to be clear and accurate and
not miss out on anything important. Please leave my brother out of
the solutions thanks, as I think he is hopeless unless he leaves
his wife, but that is impossible as he love her a lot.
Now for the problems I am and been
facing:
1)
Should I continue to get a 3 years business degree in one of the
private universities after my NS? Money wise I think I can get a
bank study loan. Because a diploma holder’s pay will be surely not
enough to pay for my mum’s medical bill what more my parents and my
daily expenses and house bills.
2)
Money problem: When my dad retires, how am I going to pay for all
the bills? Though I think my dad has some savings but I think it’s
not much to last long. As a diploma holder I can only get like a
starting pay of below 1.8K/mth and after like 10 years I think I
can’t even hit the 3K/mth mark without a degree.
3)
What jobs do you recommend I should work excluding engineering if I
don’t continue my studies and not sign on SAF for the reason I
stated above? How to find my ideal or dream job?
4)
Any real estate agent out there can tell me more about your job? I
am kind of interested about it. Will it be a good job for my
current situation? Cause I heard if I can work hard I can earn good
money, is it true? I plan to be single so as to be committed to my
job to earn as much as I can to support my parents to give them a
comfortable live like they work hard for my brother and
me.
5)
Where can I get further free counseling or consultation or advice
on my problems?
6)
Any helpful financial advice or experience will be appreciated also
thx a lot.
Any helpful advice, past similar
experience, comment or feedback or links on my problems above will
be much appreciated. Thank You.
Pardon me if i missed out any other details in your later replies.
I just browsed through them.
Do find a chance to talk to your elder brother. Forget about the
fact that the both of you aren't close.
Whether he is married or not, he is still a part of your family
and is every bit your parents' son. It's his duty too to take care
of your parents, and in your case, your mum's especially.
Isn't what they always teach us in school? Filial
piety. Your parents have worked hard to provide for
the both of you over the years. It is only to be taken for granted
that he should return the favour.
From my point of view as an outsider, I feel that he hasn't done
enough for your mum.
He could have spend more time with your mum. Perhaps, bringing
her for dialysis or check ups. Or he could try to drop by to have
meals with your parents whenever he could.
Yes, he is married now and have to spend time with his wife and
also need to have his own personal time but
it won't hurt him to drop by and visit your parents and spend time
with your mum to help sooth her pain and all the suffering that she
has to go through because of her kidney failure.
What your mum needs most now is the care and concern of you
guys. She is going through a lot because of her disease. Every
parent in the world would miss their kids once they move out and
i'm sure, your mum feels the same. Your brother being back often
would be sure to lift her spirits.
Financially, I'm pretty sure, he could have done more for your
mum too. He should help to pay for your mum medical expenses since
he's already out working and is having a regular income.
I do not believe in pathetic excuses such as the purse
strings are controlled by his wife. He's a guy for goodness sake.
And it's his mum here we're talking about. What right does his
wife have to stop him to help to fork out part of the medical
expenses?
True, they may have their own plans in the future. Perhaps
they are saving up for a kid, for his education or to buy a car.
But he ought to do his part as a son too.
Do have a talk with your dad too.
Find out more about your family's
financial situation. Whether the medical expenses are too
heavy a burden for him to handle and what plans does he have after
he retires, how is he going to pay for your mum's medical
expenses.
Who knows, it may actually be your dad that doesnt want your
elder brother to fork out any money in the first place.
Or your family's financial situation is actually rather secure
and your dad already has retirement plans.
Don't rush into any decisions without finding out all the facts
first. Know about all the facts and then after proper
consideration, make the decision that you feel is correct or rather
more appropriate.
