ROBOT OR WAD

D24-sotong SG

Hi everyone,its my 1st time posting in any forum. Chanced upon e site while searchin for KPOP tix & saw tat there're actually ppl who can provide diff views on stuffs. I have a few issues tat im really troubled wif rite now...here goes...

1. Personality

I can actually b quite 'High' at times wif ppl who im familiar wif, most of e time im wad most wud say a calm,cool/ zai person. N so my reactions will either b more neutral, expressionless/ a lil slow. haiz..ppl will misunderstand my expressions eg. they thought im feeling angry/irritated/bo chup when im actually happy/interested/amused inside. its jus so frustrating,some ppl will misunderstand tat im not interested when actually im jus thinking & listening really carefully of wad they r saying or i jus dun feel anything at all! i jus dunno wad is happening to me...cos I was really outgoing, fun/high esteemed last yr during my 1st & 2nd poly yrs,but became more withdrawn when 1 of my fren whom i get along well wif sudd became dis bitch who backstabs & hypocritical. we're not in contct now alr cos she's not e type who i can b frenz wif. Well of cos there're still others in e class who im still in touch wif & all. but evryone is so busy & i feel tat they oso have their own things to fuss abt, so i've noone to talk abt all dis. I've really tried to force myself to go bck to dis outgoing & fun persona but i jus kept falling bck again. I noe tat i shud seek prof help, but im still a student & jus 1 visit is really ex.
I feel really helpless now wif e new wrkin environment & uni life. its e 4th day in sch n becos we're all divided in grps of 5, e time spent tgt will b 90% of e time. e other 4 have alr bonded quite well during orientation & prev, i think im e odd one out n jus really SUPER awkward among them.. i;ve tried contributing & voicing some opinions/jokin but sometimes they will jus ignore or brush off e comments. So now mostly ijus keep quiet & when i tried to jus say a comment, im v afraid n will rehearse/think abt it several times b4 voicing it. this is jus really really stressful haiz........ e impression they have of me now is really not my true personality. Ppl have said tat i lk unapproachable,fierce when i dun smile. I've tried smiling,tryin to lk cheerful/approachable but its really draining most of e time.

2. GUYS

ok so im 20 dis yr & have not gone to a single date,not chattd more den 5 min ovr e phone wif 1,no bf at all. E closest contct i have wif a guy was jus chatting,jokin ard. i dare say tht e total no of times i've chatted with guys frm pri till now is less den 40. I'll also behave awkward ard them especially those gd looking ones. i will jus fidget ard, keep lkin into my hp & avoiding eye contct, dartin away quickly if met. Its really serious becos when i c a grp of guys sitting all jus b ard i will take a longer route, avoid going there if i can. -.- I've been called les(no offense), ppl/frens think/strting to questn if im les when im not. Im have had suitors & ppl ard me & those who saw me for e 1st time have said tat i'm quite pretty but i jus personally think im unattractive & all. If i like a guy, i wudnt dare to talk to him, eg. during sec sch, there's dis guy i relly liked, & we sat nxt to each other for almost every period, even prtners for home economics. But I've Nvr talked to him & only wif my female fren sittin nxt to me/ another guy in e same grp(occasionally only), dun even dare lk at him. :(( e thing is, a gal sittinng in front of us was oso interested in him & she will turn ard n chat,joke wif him almost evryday. it turned out tat e guy likes me too, as one of his frens told me but he nvr made a move :/. So in e end aft 1 yr +,he finally went out wif e gal but there was alot of prob btw them & they ended aft a yr or so. SO wad im tryin to say is tat im such a wimp whn it comes to dis...haiz...

I'll oso stumble along my speech sometimes when i talk to guys & normal speech so sometimes i cant really get wad i wan across, or they will jus b uninterested halfway. dis has affected my normal life.

My relatives,family n frens will strt to ask me abt bf n stuffs becos almost all my cousins, close friends r attached alr or r active in their love life while mine is completely empty. Relatives and parents will ask:

and it goes on......so i'll cringe evrytime my parents hrd some1 attached cos they'll always link to tat topic.
I've wondered if all this may have connection wif my childhood.Dis is e only reason i could think of. I was an ugly duckling (not said by me but frm family & others who noe me) ...that was until sec 1 my appearance strted to change drastically. Guys wud make fun of me,bully me,ignore me (improved during p4-6). The worst was there were these 2 guys in my class, & unlucky me, i sat nxt to both for most periods. They wud throw away my pencilcase,bottle, belongings/ hide them, will take my purse & hide it too, humiliate me,push me call names. once, i was practically crying as they were throwing my purse ard. the teacher saw it but didnt stop them immed. >:(Another incident which I rmbered vividly was a day at a funeral when i was ard 9 yrs old. My 4 cousins(2 pairs of siblings) and i went to a playgrd nearby to play while e adults jus get ard wif their businesses. e pair of brothers den ask wad i learnt during tat time & i told them i was learning martial arts(big mouth shooter! ) So they den challenged my 'kungfu' & pushed me ard, playful at 1st but strted getting to become bullying. e other 2 bro&sis sibling den went to inform their father. I was alr bawling at tat time, so they eventually stopped. U might think tat dis is jus a small case, no big deal but wad im tryin to say is Incidents like dis during childhood could eventually contribute to serious prob in e future.

Tats abt it, pls provide ur views & opinions, I'll really appreciate them Thx

BadzMaro SG

I'll just put ur points 1) and 2) together.

I think u just did a self-diagnostic on yourself. And you are. Healthy and Normal under the circumstances .lol

Swap all the 's into and your life will be much better off.

Dont let other's affect your personality. There are times when opinions and advices matter. And there are times when these opinions and advices doesnt matter to you at all.

Its understandable that your childhood experience will affect your personality, but at least u are now able to look back and properly understand the situation and that the people then, are just plain sons of bitches. But that cant be helped now. Its the past. Its good that you look back, but just dont dwell on it. Bad experiences most times makes you a better, more sensitive, understanding person. OR.. u may just become plain spiteful and a s.o.b. heh

Just because everyone else has an iphone doesnt mean u need to have one too. U know what I mean in reference to your relatives and friends asking kepo questions. Speaks volume about their personalities.

And for the guy and how u were a wimp.. yada yada.. scared to look bla bla bla.Like u said.. u WERE an "ugly duckling".. but now a swan. So... ACT LIKE A SWAN! Shed your ugly duckling suit and emerge out of this metamorphosis as the old you with your outgoing fun loving high personality .. with a new suit.

trolol SG

Don't let your relatives influence you, and don't compare yourself with them. Doesn't mean they have bf you must have right?

Also I see you have a lack of self-confidence, if you're pretty/attractive, yandao/shuaige see you also avoid eye contact, not the other way round. But confidence is one thing, deviating from personality is another. If you're what you are now, don't change your style to suit others, sometimes it'll backfire then people say you 假惺惺.

If you're the quiet/non proactive type, no need to adopt an enthu attitude. Although if you think you can keep up the changed personality for the rest of your life then it's fine.. but if you can't then you're just living a 'fake' life and you'll regret it.

Gaining self-confidence isn't easy as 123 but not unachievable, affirm yourself everyday - when you wake up or when you're going to sleep, tell yourself to reach goals you have set.

If your friends aren't appreciative of you, maybe they aren't really friends at all! Good friends to confide matters aren't easy to find, but doesn't mean there isn't any.

In any case you feel matters not progressing or feeling desperate with life, do find a counsellor to talk to.

I also 20, so my advice is probably useless due to lack of insight LOL! Do take care and take control of your life.

Cheers.

voltrons. SG

well,i believe cause of the backstabbing incident it affected the way you behave. in my opinion due to that, you have a fear of it happening again. thats why you won't go back to your old self. As for being the odd one, sometimes it's just the beginning. it is common to be odd at the start. As everyone is new, perhaps it would improve as time moves.

You are somewhat similar to me. as i hardly shown my personality and they do indeed said the same things as you mentioned like unapproachable and fierce. Well i would then jus say so be it, if you tink this way. Just let people know you slowly, their views of you would changed. Slowly man, it's just the beginning of uni, ya still got few years to go. there are many kind of friends around. jus be wary of all. ;)

As for your guy situation, i guess your mindset is more traditional along with extreme shyiness. Not sure why i said traditional but i just felt that way. With minimum 'exposure' with guys, you tend not to connect well with them. Therefore when you are speaking with a guy, you tend to lose his attention. just ignore those comments made by relatives. It is relatively common when all those aunties uncles grandparents come together. I myself also do get questions from my relatives. how come you got no gf ah. sure no gf anot. but to me i jus treat it like a teaser. guess you can change your mindset on that. Just wonder, since you are pretty, why avoid guys? lol. let them check you out. :p

Hmmm, childhood memories/experiences always affects one in growing up, for your case, i assume it has some damages towards your self appearance you perceive even you are pretty. Besides, i guess your self confidence also took a hit on that incident. Hmmm, it's hard to let go off such experience. but if you think that it's gonna be a BIG contribution to future problems, i doubt that will be the case from my point of view. Cause it's only your perception on your appearance.As for self confidence, there are many ways to boost them.

Solutions.........

for a start perhaps just interact and be more active with your group of friends. Try to just join them for all or most outing if there is. As for your perception on your appearance, i suggest dress more better like more "sexy/hot". since you mentioned. "Im have had suitors & ppl ard me & those who saw me for e 1st time have said tat i'm quite pretty" So take 30 mins or so, dress up. Sounds wrong, but i believe it will help on ur perception of ur appearance together with the lack of self confidence.

next time post shorter "story" can or perhaps concise your story. very hard reply to all section sia. then again, i m like 21. my opinions might be limited. Just carry on your normal lifestyle.

Just my 2cents worth of thoughts! :D

littlemissbonkers SG

I'll just put ur points 1) and 2) together.

I think u just did a self-diagnostic on yourself. And you are. Healthy and Normal under the circumstances .lol

Swap all the 's into and your life will be much better off.

Dont let other's affect your personality. There are times when opinions and advices matter. And there are times when these opinions and advices doesnt matter to you at all.

Agreed

And hor TS, can break ur essay into smaller paragraphs notz?

Very hard to read lei

By the way, I hope you dun succumb to social/peer/family pressure and get yourself involved in a relationship just to shut them up.

You'll probably regret it, especially if you end up with an asshole...like bigger, older versions of those brats you encountered as a kid.

Take your time to find the best person for you, and meanwhile you can start building up your courage.

Fire Cracker SG

ok TS. R u the ugly betty type?

serious just need to check it out before jump into conclusion.